Sunday, May 08, 2005

Dammit, How Much Money Can One Person Stand?

Again, and again, people keep giving me money. How much can I take? I mean I already have received 18.6 million from Mr. Smith Bowani, another 9 million from Aliyu Ahmed.jnr, and now this:

The Letter:

QUEENS LOTTERY PROMO INTERNATIONAL.
****************************
PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT
DEAR WINNER,
RESULTS FOR SECOND CATEGORY DRAWS.
After a successful completion of the second category
draws of QUEENS LOTTERY PROMO INTERNATIONAL.

You have emerged one of the winners of the QUEENS LOTTERY PROMO INTERNATIONAL, which is part of our promotional draws. Participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from 30,000 email addresses of individuals and companies from America,Africa, Asia, Australia, Canada, Europe, Middle East, and New Zealand as part of our InternationalPromotions Program.
*********************************************************************
You/Your Company, attached to:
TICKET NUMBER:VGT/FRS/BBK/SNSS
REFERENCE NUMBER:77710/3401/SNSS
*********************************************************************
As a category winner, you have been selected by computer balloting system where only email addresses are soughted,from a total numbers of 30,000 email addresses drawn from all over the globe. After an automated computer ballot of our International Promotions Program consequently won in the second Category. You have therefore been awarded a lump sum pay out of One Million Five Hundred thousand Euros(EUROS1,500,000.00) in cash, which is the winning payout for second category winner. This is from the total prize money of 13,000,000.00Euros shared among the eight international winners in the SECOND category.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have to contact the(S.N.S SECURITIES) for immediate remittance
your E-mail address won the lucky number. To avoid mix up of numbers and names of any kind, we request that you keep this award strictly from public notice until the entire process of transferring your claims has been completed, and your funds remitted to your account. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of this program.
required by the (S.N.S SECURITIES).
We also wish to bring to your notice our End of Year(2005) high stakes where you stand a chance of winning up to 13 million Euros; We hope that with a part of your prize you will participate. To begin your claims process please contact your claims agent.
*********************************************************************
MR.FRANKLYN BROWN.
FOREIGN SERVICE MANAGER.
S.N.S SECURITIES.
115 LEIDENSTRAATSEWEG
LANSLEG 2567 KJ
AMSTERDAM, THE NETHERLANDS
Tel: + 31-613-669-160
Fax: + 31-847-535-293
EMAIL:(snssecuritiesbv@netscape.net)
**********************************************************************
for due processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice. Remember, you must contact your claim agent not later than one week of
receiving this message. NOTE: To avoid unnecessary delays and complications,please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers provided below in every one of your correspondence with your claims agent. You are to provide the below details,to enable the speedy evaluation and processing of your winnings. we advice that you adhere strictly to their procedures to avoid any disqualifications and subsequent cancellation.

1. My Full Names:
2. Adresses:Home/Office
3. Direct Telephone/Fax Numbers

the above detailed information will be absolutely necessary to file in your claims.

Congratulations once again from all our staffs of(S.N.S SECURITIES.) thank you for being part of our promotions program.
Sincerely,
THE LOTTERY COORDINATOR,
QUEENS LOTTERY PROMO INTERNATIONAL.

What the Hell am I supposed to do with all this money?

My Humble Response:

Dammit Frankyn,

I simply DO NOT want this money. I am so sick and tired of everyone thinking that I need it. So far this year, I have received a total of 27.6 million dollars in United States currency from other sources. What in the Hell do you think that I am going to do with Euros? It would be different if it was in coins and I needed to prop up an uneven pool table leg, but I just bought a new one with my unexpected windfall. And believe it or not, it is made out of Euros! How ironic!

This said, maybe you should donate this money to help the efforts to allow every French speaking person to never have to work again. Do you know that they are having to slave almost a total of 36 hours a week? It seems that they could work in the time to bathe, huh? Ah, the humanity!

Wait, I got it. If you would simply become my representative and open that quaint little hash bar in the Netherlands that I always wanted, it would much please me. You see, I have always dreamed of owning a place that every middle-class, white, American, hippie kid could retreat to before starting on his/her/ambiguous path towards adulthood. I just can't help it, I have become a softy for every Left-wing cause that you can imagine. Nah, I just don't have the patience for that, I might have to do some paperwork or something.

Maybe you could donate the money to the Democrat Party in the United States. I don't know if you are aware, but since they made Howard Dean the Chairman of the party, donations have dropped a bit. It seems the Liberals aren't even stupid enough to back this party now. I guess I gotta help out just to maintain the comedic material.

Anyway, I hereby assign all duties required for dispensing this money to you. Oh, and thank your 'staffs', too. Best of luck in your endeavors, 'tard. Don't worry your pretty little head (NO HOMO), I'll keep this on the down-low, player.

Amsterdam sucks and you do too,
Two Dogs

I'll keep you posted.
.

18 comments:

soundboyz said...

>I'll keep this on the down-low, player.


Two Dogs, that term makes me uncomfortable!!!Are you still mad at me?Two Dogs, why don't you ever write anymore?

Tom said...

"Amsterdam sucks and you do too."

Ha!

Two Dogs said...

Damn, soundboyz, you sound like a Hooter's girl. I have been busy at work, and if you will look back, I post a good bit on the weekends and not much after Tuesday. It's the nature of my business.

Why in the world would the phrase make you uncomfortable?

Thanks for the HA, Tom.

soundboyz said...

>Why in the world would the phrase make you uncomfortable?

I don't know...it just DOES!!!! Can we not talk about it on here!!!!!Write me....:)

soundboyz said...

Two Dogs, have you ever stopped to think that you are getting more and more of these types of emails because you are responding to them?

Two Dogs said...

It still goes into my spam folder. Relax, it's actually fun to me.

soundboyz said...

> Relax, it's actually fun to me.

Perv!!!!:(

Erik Grow said...

Are there any Europeans that you like Two Dogs, aside from maybe the Brits? Have you ever been to Amsterdam? My wife loved it there when she visited, and no she didn't smoke. I would love to bring you along to Germany and Austria with us in the fall just to prove to you that most Western European "regular people" are a lot like Americans, except with less willingness to tell their neighbor what's good for them or their soul.

As for the money, if you don't want it, hey I'll take it! Just give 'em my bank account number. Then I can retire! Hehheh. Three multi-million dollar windfalls just in weeks. Nice job! *snicker*

Imara said...

Uhhmmm... Two Dogs and Soundboyz... is there something about your "relationship" that you would like to share with the rest of us? LOL!!

soundboyz said...

>Uhhmmm... Two Dogs and Soundboyz... is there something about your "relationship" that you would like to share with the rest of us? LOL!!

DO NOT GO THERE IMARA!!!!!!!LOL!!!LOL!!!!I said NOT to bring that up !!!:)

Hey Two Dogs!!!!Nice blog man!!!:)

Two Dogs said...

I have been all through Europe, Erik. Remember my field. The only way that I'll go back is if they promise me that I'll be home for supper. Europe blows.

Two Dogs said...

Thanks for the props, soundboyz.

soundboyz said...

> Thanks for the props, soundboyz.

You're quite WELCOME Two Dogs......:)

Anonymous said...

Europe is AWESOME!!!!!

Erik Grow said...

That was...insightful. Hehheh.

Nzyme said...

> Thanks for the props, soundboyz.

You're quite WELCOME Two Dogs......:)


NO HOMO???

Erik Grow said...

That was...insightful. Hehheh.

Anonymous said...

Europe is AWESOME!!!!!

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