Hooray for Stupid People and Web Searches!!

AS ALWAYS, CLICK THE PHOTO TO GET A BIG 'UN!

I'm not sure what this means.
Imma Balla.
Dammit, will you dumbasses quit, PLEASE!
Kelis better watch her back!
SICK, SICK, SICK!

And the Bigotry Continues.....

Okay HERE's some fags......

Bet they play in the Big Twelve......

THIS is damn cool!

A Two Dogs Take on Racism

My first response to Michael Richards coke-induced racist tirade is shown to your left. Then I cranked up the old grey matter and started sorting through what exactly happened.

Let's take a gander. You must remember that Kramer is a Hollywood Leftist. They are all racists. The thing that probably pissed Kramer off the most was that there were two Black dudes sitting at a comedy club enjoying some Hennessy instead of out cutting his grass or selling his grass.

Wait, do Black dudes still sell the tree or do you have to get it from those dirty hippie types now?

Anyhoo, no matter how absolutely wrong that Michael Richards melt-down was, you still have to allow him his stupid, racist screed. And to the dudes that are currently trying to sue Kramer; "Grow a sack, you sissies."

If I was to get my panties all bunched up by people being stupid, I would develop diaper rash from the continual crack flossing.

The problem as I see it is that there are some people that are racists. THERE ARE RACISTS IN ALL RACES. Cut them off from the rest of the herd and let the lions get them. If you see the racists coming over to graze with the rest of us, turn your back. And never sound the alarm in their direction when there is danger in the vicinity.

And in case you are interested in what the smarter of the Dogs family thinks, Bean thinks that the Black dudes started it.

But, Mel Gibson has to CHIME in. Birds of a feather, well you know.

UPDATE: I thought that with all the Black folks reading this, I should translate.

My first response ta Michael Richards coke-induced racist tirade iz shown ta yo' left. Then I cranked up da old grey matter an' started sorting through what exactly happened.

Let'stake uh gander. You mus' remember dat Kramer iz uh Hollywood Leftist. They iz all racists. The thin' dat prob'ly pissed Kramer off da most wuz dat dere wuz two Black niggas sitting at uh comedy club enjoying some Hennessy instead o' out cutting his grass or selling his grass.

Wait, do Black niggas still sell da tree or do ya gots ta git it from those dirty hippie types now?

Anyhoo, nahh matter how absolutely wrong dat Michael Richards melt-down wuz, ya still gots ta allow him his mad stupid, racist screed. And ta da niggas dat iz currently trying ta sue Kramer; "Grow uh sack, ya sissies."

If I wuz ta git muh ma f*ckin (whoops!) drowas all bunched up by peeps being mad stupid, I would develop diaper rash from da continual crack flossing.

The problem as I see it iz dat dere iz some peeps dat iz racists. THERE ARE RACISTS IN ALL RACES. Cut dem off from da rest o' da herd an' let da lions git dem. If ya see da racists coming over ta graze wiff da rest o' us, turn yo' back. And never sound da alarm in they direction when dere iz danger in da vicinity.

And in case ya iz interested in what da smarter o' da Dogs family thinks, Bean thinks dat da Black niggas started it. an don't make me pull mah gat!

Kuh-Leese Blows!

I honestly have had the most unfortunate experience of my life this morning. I actually heard the "song" from Kelis called "Bossy." I would rather have someone run a block plane up my shinbone than have to actually hear another one of those hits.

Anyhoo, since this song is so damn popular with the crowd that has absolutely no musical sense (which is obviously a huge number of dillweeds) I thought that I would sit down and get to know the folks that put together this crap.

The first interview that I held was with the genius behind the lyrical content. I caught up with him while he was flying to the MTV Europe Awards with Kanye. Needless to say, that went poorly. As far as I can tell, all he could actually say was, "Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill." Wonder where that shit came from?






The next talent that I could get in touch with was the dude in charge of the "music." I actually walked in while he was laying down the last track of his next smash hit. I am afraid that I will never be the same. And the facial tics are damn irritating.













And now, I leave you with the lyrics. Please stop buying this crap. Please.

Aye Yo... You don't have to love me..... you don't even have to like me...... but you will respect me........

you know why cause Im a boss

Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch that beat go...

[Kelis]
I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right, i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the b!tch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told young stunna he should switch debate
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

Ooh lemme slow it down so ya can catch the flow
Screw it up make it go extra slow
Real girls get down on the flo
(on the flo get down, on the flo)
Ooh i gave you a taste you want some more
Touch down lemme do it up like a pro
I ride the beat like a bicycle, I'm icy cold
Ooh from the 6-4 hoppers up in crenshaw
The money makin playas up in harlem
Don't want no problems
We gon keep it pumpin while the 808 is jumpin

Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill
Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill

I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right, i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the b!tch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told john sterling he should switch to BAPE
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

Ooh (i bet i bet i bet) i bet cha neva heard it like this before
My baby be closin'them phantom doors
Got the bar poppin this that you can't afford (can't afford)
Ooh i'm drinkin blastin the crowds it's all smokin
All the while i'm all open
Me and my girls we stay fly and we love to stay high
Ooh from the 6-4 hoppers up in crenshaw
To the money makin playas up in harlem
Don't want no problems
We gon keep it pumpin while the 808 is jumpin

Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill
Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill

I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the b!tch ya'll love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told young stunna he should switch to BAPE
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

[Too $hort]
It's bout time that she get with me
Can't stop starin, she's fine and she's pretty
Damn girl, don't hurt em
don't bite back, you gon work em
Put your mack down, i know your background
Whatchu want girl, you gettin mad now
That's how you do it, huh?
Well i'm the coolest one
In fact, bitches in the back bring em to the front, bitch!
Tell that man you's a boss bitch
Make some noise, raise your hand if you's a boss bitch
I don't think he understand you's a boss bitch
Get some help if you can cause he lost it
Ain't no refunds, she spent the cash mayne
In your benz with her friends in the fast lane
Flossin, you say "how much it cost me?"
About a million dollars playa, she's bossy

[Kelis]
I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the b!tch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told john sterling he should switch to BAPE
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh...

Will You Have Those TPS Reports Today?

For all your bitching and moaning, the damn holiday season is upon us. I like that phrase "upon us" and it brings to mind a burning couch placed rudely upon my chest.

Work is at a break-neck pace, Ev gets married this Saturday, Nedwin will be here on next Tuesday, I fly to San Antonio on Wednesday, drive to Houston from San Antonio and back on Thursday for Thanksgiving, party like a rockstar Friday and Saturday, fly back to Jafrica on Sunday, and head to North Mississippi on Monday.

And then I get to do almost exactly that a couple of weeks later for Christmas. And just so you know, all I want for Christmas is a product named "Volume." Yea, it's for "HER!"

Can YOU hit the lamp?

It's a "Gentlemen of the Backdoor" Overload Today!

"I think religion has always tried to turn hatred towards gay people. From my point of view, I would ban religion completely," he was quoted as saying.

"HE" is Elton John and his statement is so awesomatically tolerant. Why does anyone ever interview celebrities, musicians, or athletes?

Read more HERE.

(And damn, I have been wanting to use that picture. Think "Cleaveland Steamer.")

Zug Linky Stuff

If you have never had the pleasure of reading Zug, you have no idea what you are missing. For those of you who are a little weak in the constitution, skip it. I don't want you to get all bent out of shape.

THIS latest post, fits the bill after today's Jackson news. Enjoy.

(Image from Zug)

Travelocity, You Smoke Rope!

By now, everyone that is not a mouth-breather has heard the Travelocity "Roamin' Gnome" commercials. Am I the only person in this country that thinks that these commercials are as funny as watching a handicapped child? Geez, this is a ham-fisted attempt at humor. Does Jay Leno write this material? Please find the advertizing firm that created this ridiculously stupid crap and slaughter every last one of the people that worked on this project.

Boycott Travelocity for being the most seriously not-funny company in the entire world. And I am going to write letters to ESPN radio to attempt to convince them to drop Travelocity as a sponsor.

Travelocity, y'all suck on the John Kerry/Michael Moore scale.

Democrats Gone Wild!

From a story in Jackson's premier dog-trainer, The Clarion Ledger, comes the story of eleven cross-dressing black males running FLOUNCING through the food court at our local white mall and gleefully spraying pepper spray in the faces of the patrons, including a six-month-old baby. Damn, race crimes piss me off.

Charged with disorderly conduct, aggravated child abuse and aggravated assault are: Corey Smith, 18, of Jackson; Stetson Jenkins, 19, of Jackson; Derrick Evans, 17, of Jackson; Demetrius English, 19, of Lexington; Terry Edwards, 18, of Winona; Titus Gayden, 21, of Ridgeland; Elliot Smith, 18, of Jackson; Cedrick Ivory, 19, of Jackson; Corey Robinson, 20, of Jackson; Brian Williams, 18, of Jackson; Victor Coleman, 18, of Jackson. Corey Smith received additional charges of disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and public profanity. Jenkins also received additional charges of resisting arrest and public profanity.

Read the whole story HERE.

And all that crap about Jackson's gun slinging Mayor seems to have cooled off a bit. Frank accepted three misdemeanor charges and will have a year's probation. Democrat Attorney General Jim Hood is not too damn pleased because Frank just doesn't understand his place.

Read more HERE.

WTW - All for Tommy Five!

Jimmy Pete made the trip to Bristol to check out the races and this is what he spotted! Dale Jr. has got the most awesome race car ever.

Check out the rest of the family on the sidebar. YOU! DO IT NOW!


Sorry, Tommy Five, Blogger wouldn't let me publish this morning.

The New Urban Dictionary

Again, I am the main one that folks turn to for the most informative ghetto lingo. Well, maybe not.

Click the photo to get it big!

Is Gay Marriage Really Like This?

All I'm saying is that if gay marriage is like this, I guess that I'm okay with it. Are we going to require that the gay spouse police publish images of all gay wedded couples on a certain interweb address? Oh, yea, and no dudes at all. That's just GAY.

Fire Croom NOW!!!!!

While doing cursory searches for my buddy Shane on some college football stats, I stumbled upon this gem for you State fans.

What you see here is the historical record of Division I-A College Football ranked in winning percentage. Marked with the red dot by the ranking, you will see all of the SEC teams, except for the South Carolina Gamecocks that I inadvertently clipped. They are ranked number 89 anyway. Mississippi State has the lowest winning percentage of ALL of the SEC. They are historically the worst team in the conference.

Also, you will see that the only team that has over 1000 games logged that has a worse winning percentage than State is Tulane, who incidentally beat MSU this year. And further insult to injury comes from the fact that DUKE!!! has a better winning percentage than State. DUKE!!!!

You will notice as well that the lowest winning percentage in all of Division I-A ball is held by the juggernaut of Florida International who just lost 18 of their players in the brawl with Miami (Florida).

Anyhoo, firing Croom is the dumbest thing that State could do. They ought to sign him to a forty-five year contract and see what some stability could do for the program.

Oh, and you will also notice that of the D-IA schools in our state, University of Southern Mississippi is 27 out of 119, Ole Miss is 46, and State is 101 of 119.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LEAVE CROOM ALONE, YOU STUPID NO-FOOTBALL KNOWING STUPID DUMMIES!

But the person that made this isn't!

For those of you who know me best, y'all know that the main reason I gave up on Islam is that man, I love the swine! So today, Jimmy Pete and I rolled up in the Pig Out Inn and feasted like the rednecks we are.

The meal that you are looking at is the Two Meat Plate. I got the sausage and the pulled pork with corn salad and potato salad. It was about fourteen bucks with a drink, but I can tell you that I have not had a lunch like this in forever. The pork was super tender with that crunchy black gunk on the outside, the sausage was evenly cooked and not greasy. And praise them, NO LIQUID SMOKE!!!!!

This is some type of cold corn salad that tastes kinda like pico de gallo. Man, this is damn fine! Just the right spicy level. And the potato salad was off the chain. (for you crackers, "off the chain" is street slang for "mighty tasty")

Anyhoo, when in Jacktown, hit me up and I'll give you directions. Nolan Coward is the manager and if I wasn't involved, I'd be wearing my knees out trying to please him.

Locations:
6547 Old Canton Road
Ridgeland, MS 39157
601.957.6467

116 South Canal Street
Natchez, MS 39120
601.442.8050

Someone is Gonna Get Hurt

Along with the most wonderful breakfast taquito ever produced in the free world, there was this in the bag.

Whoever created this vile piece of something is on the hit list. I have no clue what I ever did to the maker of this "candy," but buddy, you damn sure got me back and then some.

Never eat this, ever. It is N-A-S-T-Y!

Okay, You OWE Me

Having single-handedly saved the stock market after the final announcement of Webb's victory in Virgina, I decided that today, you actually have to send me the money you made from the recovery of your 401k. You have to admit that I was the catalyst in bringing the market back to the point that it needed to be.

Now, I prefer to receive my reward in L-A-R-G-E bills because you know that you have them now, simply because of me. Git to it!

Okay, So the Sky IS Falling!

Here's to a uber-sarcastic post.

I have not been worrying at all about a Democrat takeover of Congress. They cannot do any worse than the Republicans have been doing for the last couple of years and maybe Bush will have yet another reason to use the VETO PEN!

Look, my post yesterday contained a link that showed exactly what you can look forward to with the Democrats in charge. You knew, but you did it anyway, well now I have to go ask for a raise just to break even.

What, you think that W will veto a spending bill? Well, you my friend are dreadfully wrong.

Anyway, I am looking forward to a bunch of screeching in the press about how all of the sudden the economy looks great, while I will be able to show you quite the opposite with facts. By the way, let's go check how the market is doing this morning. Yea, just as I thought. After a record trading day yesterday, the Dow opens headed for the cellar.

Oh well, you can never have enough gold......

UPDATE:
Okay, maybe I was a little hasty in my predictions. Obviously, gold ain't too safe.

Here's where to move your money. Bonds, baby. Obviously inflation is about to take off. Get the Hell out of any medical stuff because the companies are moving overseas and will not sell here. Oh, except for the Stem Cell Research companies that will be fully funded, but have to produce no results. Gasoline will do pretty well because of all the refineries shutting down, and DEFENSE, well you know.

It's Five O'Clock Somewhere

Thank goodness for Microsoft Outlook. I almost forgot that it was election day! Get the vote out!

Oh, and if you can read and don't just come here for the great graphics, READ THIS and determine who you want to win this election.

Project Valor - IT

Okay, I'm late to the party as usual, but better late than never. Start clicking the button below and send your money for Voice-Activated Laptops for OUR Injured Troops.

Yes, Bean is Chairforce, so that is where my allegiance lies. Send money now. Please, don't make me come get you. I'm really busy today.



And while we're paying attention, HERE's a list of other good places to send your support.

A Two Dogs Take on Gayness

Background HERE.

Well, all I can say is that I heard "Reverend" Haggard on the radio this morning. Flamer. Yea, you can tell by the way that "they" talk.

Anyhoo, I do not care if men want to sleep with other men. Hell, the more the merrier. And dude, try to get with all the hot guys so us straight, ugly guys can have at the chicks. Just saying.

And Colorado, you NEED to vote for the "Gay Marriage" thing. Everyone knows that where there's smoke there's fire.

While I'm on the topic of homos (not that there is anything wrong with that, gnutcase), did y'all see that crap that Kanye "Albert Einstein" West pulled at the MTV Europe Music Awards?

Man, what a pansy. Pillow-biter. Poof. Non-breeder. Starfish.

Add your slang in the comments.

(I stole the graphic from somewhere and I do not remember where. Oh, but I knew that I was going to use it.)

Strange and Unnerving

I get calls every day from people just wanting to know how to handle various situations because they are certain that I have experienced exactly what they are going through right now. THIS is unique and I never would have guessed that I would live to see the day THIS would happen. Okay, now I feel normal.

Everything You Need to Know About Oprah

As you well know, this humble little blog is the source for everything you need to know about everything, including Oprah. If I would have known then, what I know now, I would have killed myself and saved everyone this misery. Oprah, geeeeez.......

Follow Up on the Dumbass of the Week

Here's a little follow-up to John Kerry's blatherings this week about how stupid our troops are. Remember, this guy is a "Veteran" and would never slander the troops, ever, during times of war.

Mama told me, when I was young, that an apology is a simple kinda thing. You tell the injured parties that you are sorry for what you have done. Never in life should you say that you are sorry if someone misinterpreted what you said. That in itself is continuing to blame others for your stupidity. But it is Kerry......

I Am Going to Claw My Eyes Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally got to upload a photo. I'm going back and adding the graphics below when I get a chance, so go back a few posts to see what I have produced with the World's Greatest Publishing Program, Microsoft Paint. And Tommy 5, WTW just doesn't have the same flavor without a photo. Sorry, I'll try to post two next week.