Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Confessions of a Whore

As I sit here in the lovely "Stans" I reflect on a certain horrid fascination of the past. It comes to show that my love for Two Dogs is without reproach, though I can sadly admit that there have been times when I have doubted that love, instead searching for a quick fix. Do I admit to cheating? Of Course. I have done the incomprehensible and have expected everything in return. Yes. Does that make me selfish? By all means. True though these horrors may be, that i have lived a selfish life and have harmed the most important person in my life, Two Dogs stood by my side- even after friends told him to leave.
It didn't hit me until i got in the middle of nowhere, that when all the dust was settled from my misdeeds and all the air was clear, there at the other end of the clearing that I see Two Dogs, arms wide open and willing to love me once more. It goes without saying that his open arms include his demands for my commitment and that certain consequences follow the actions that i took.

I can't say I am necessarily going anywhere with this other than to say that Two Dogs is my hero. He is that guy. The one that sticks through it, thick or thin, friend or foe. And if you hurt him he doesn't abandon you; he sits and waits until it occurs to you that standing in front of you is the most wonderful human being that you know and that everyday you wake you only want to smell this one human being. Hell, you only crave this human being.

To the world I shout: " Two Dogs, I am sorry for my past transgressions and I hope that my drive to completely give you the world has not fallen short by any means. If anything, the list has gotten longer. To his friends, you are most correct in telling him that he deserves better. that is the truth of it and I can agree no less. But I will be damned if you can sit there and pretend to be of any type of high moral fiber-for you all have sinned to. But I thank you for being a really good friend to him. Thats what friends are for. And I ask of your forgiveness, for he is your friend, and i not only hurt him, but I hurt those around him and i have betrayed the trust of two and his friends. I hope that in time you will see that my intentions are as pure as ever at this point. And if you never do, so be it. I am most concerned with the opinion of one man and that is the man that from this day forward I dedicate my every action. The many that my dreams and heart beats are for. I am no longer perfect wife material, but if you will have me Two Dogs, I will make you happy for the rest of my life, even if I have to hang off the last limb of the tree to make it happen." (Cue Bob Seger "Why Don't You Stay")

I love you and I want the world to know it.
I am sorry and I want the universe to bear witness.

I will be the one to dance in your arms at your wedding.

With every ounce of my being,
Bean

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