Friday, January 02, 2009

Breakthroughs in Science and Medicine!

Preliminary tests results show that Hazelnut is possibly a laxative.

Secondary test results support that finding.

The third test is complete and further supports our initial test results!

Uh, we are steadily coming to understand that our initial assumptions were indeed conclusive and the final reports may be written.

This experiment is taking its toll on the tree population and is certainly a drain on the water supply.

Not only are our initial results 100% supported, but it is now coming to light that Hazelnut definitely causes additional wear on flooring.

We are definitely wanting to conclude the studies. However, the effectiveness of Hazelnut as a laxative restricts our attempt to complete testing.

A secondary theory has arisen and we can assume that performing scientific experiments cause dehydration. This theory is fully supported by our initial findings, but science doesn't increase thirst. Certainly NOT for anything that contains Hazelnut!

Scientific study also requires that you fully concentrate on completing the experiment to avoid accidents, too.

Please take the time to comment.

4 comments:

christinajade said...

"We are definitely wanting to conclude the studies. However, the effectiveness of Hazelnut as a laxative restricts our attempt to complete testing."

there's an oxymoron in there somewhere...i just know it

Two Dogs said...

I am unaware of a direct attempt to place any oxymoron in that statement, my concentration is sorely lacking today, but I can assure you THIS moron will never have Hazelnut in the morning coffee again.

Flea said...

I love hazelnut and am quite sure that it is NOT a laxative. Are you sure that you didn't just get a bad batch of creamer?

Two Dogs said...

Pretty sure, Flea, since I didn't put any creamer in it. It was already flavored coffee and I am a super-manly man, dammit! Quit questioning my manhood.

Just kidding, no creamer and I cannot point to one single other thing that I had ingested that morning that could have caused it.

Hazelnut = laxative. Science proves it. But, thanks for letting us know about your bathroom troubles, too! I only wished that day that yours were mine and mine were yours.

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