Tuesday, February 17, 2009

How To Avoid Having Kids - Part I

Things that you never want your friends kids to say while you are in the middle of WAL-MART: (while crying at the top of her lungs) "You pushed my head into the basket and made me hit my lip!"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my friend's kid actually screamed that today after she and I were playing and she hit her chin on the edge of the shopping cart. Nevermind the fact that my hand was no where near her head when she did this and the fact that she was using her head as the source of play momentum after I had told her to be careful once before.

There are some things in life that prompt people to not want to have kids and this was my shining moment. To have the stares of twenty or so onlookers watching you as if you have just abused a child is probably the most awkward moment in one's life..this is up there with having a child scream out in public, "Don't touch me there!" (which has never happened to me)

What a freakin' day...

Please take the time to comment.

14 comments:

christinajade said...

when puddles was around two, we were meandering through wal-mart and i was talking on the phone. don't remember the exact conversation but apparently i said a lovely new-to-puddles word she had to repeat.

loudly. several times.

"BULLSHIT"

Two Dogs said...

Here's what my kid did.

http://liberalsmash.blogspot.com/2007/09/past-continues.html

christinajade said...

heh. :)

SouperBean said...

Nice. WAL-mART must be the craziest thing a kid can do hal of fame!

SouperBean said...

That is my favorite story TD :) i can listen to that one a million times over.

Andy the Redneck said...

SouperBean, that sucks! If you're gonna have to take the embarrassment of the accusation, you should at least get to enjoy the activity. ;)

Denise said...

I truly can sympathize. When my daughter was about 7, we had a girl's day out, and went to Taco Bell. Unfortunately, she decided that she had to express her opinions on everything as loudly as possible, such as the fact that men shouldn't have pony tails, and a woman who had a wart on her face looked like a witch. I could have left the place without opening the door, I felt so small.

Skunkfeathers said...

I have a cop friend -- I swear, she's the smallest cop I've ever seen, even in a movie -- who looks about 15 years younger than she is. And has an ornery streak that rivals any I've known. She went to dinner with one of her senior commanders (when she was with a larger metro department); as they were walking out (her in civvies, he in full uniform), a lady walking past them gave them a funny glance, so my friend says to her commander, "Daddy, you're not gonna make me touch you there AGAIN tonight, are you?"

The lady's expression was priceless; my friend's dinner date, on the other hand, nearly had an apoplexy ;)

That 'child' lives on in some of us, well beyond testosterone and hormones ;)

Coffee Bean said...

A Bean post!!!

Last weekend I was coming out of Wal-mart and a woman was throwing stuff into her trunk next to my car as her 4-5 year old was just screaming in the cart. She started yelling at her and I though, "Geez lady, get a grip!"

Well, once I was next to her and throwing stuff in my trunk she said something to her daughter that I didn't catch. Her daughter replied, "I told you I didn't want to go to Wal-mart and that if you made me I'd make you pay!"

NO JOKE.

I went from thinking her mother needed to get a grip to almost telling her to nip that in the bud and feel free to spank her inbetween our cars while I served as look out!

Two Dogs said...

I have found that it is much quicker and much more efficient to just snatch the kids up and spank them yourself. Cut out the middle man, you know?

By the way, your first statement was correct, "Geez lady, get a grip," on yo' damn kid's throat, woman.

Coffee Bean said...

Hey! You posted that Little Dogs story on my birthday in 2007 AND the infamous "Joe Six Pack" commented... long before Sarah Palin made him famous. LOL!

Skunkfeathers said...

I have a cop friend -- I swear, she's the smallest cop I've ever seen, even in a movie -- who looks about 15 years younger than she is. And has an ornery streak that rivals any I've known. She went to dinner with one of her senior commanders (when she was with a larger metro department); as they were walking out (her in civvies, he in full uniform), a lady walking past them gave them a funny glance, so my friend says to her commander, "Daddy, you're not gonna make me touch you there AGAIN tonight, are you?"

The lady's expression was priceless; my friend's dinner date, on the other hand, nearly had an apoplexy ;)

That 'child' lives on in some of us, well beyond testosterone and hormones ;)

Andy the Redneck said...

SouperBean, that sucks! If you're gonna have to take the embarrassment of the accusation, you should at least get to enjoy the activity. ;)

Two Dogs said...

Here's what my kid did.

http://liberalsmash.blogspot.com/2007/09/past-continues.html

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