Tuesday, March 23, 2010

And On the Relationship Front - A Tutorial

Because I have not yet pissed off the ENTIRE world today, I thought I should share relationship advice. Having been in so damn many, you simply know that I have experience, too.

I have a friend that is having marital troubles. We ALL have marital troubles. The first questions that are always asked are "What happened?" and "What are you going to do?" Lemme answer those, quickly.

What happened is YOU FAILED at being a partner. It is your damn fault. Everyone always says stupid shit like, "Relationships are 50/50" yet they are LYING. Relationships are 100/100, foo'. Relationships have to be a contest, and the winner will always know they won, too. If the relationship is ending, it is YOUR fault. Can you correct it? Of course you can, but you have to make the decision to quit being a failure at your relationship.

There must be a reason that you wound up with this person. They made you laugh, they were stable and understanding, they had money, whatever. The reason that you first liked them is usually still there, too. You changed and ruined everything. But, you can fix it.

The way to fix anything is to first recognize that you have a damn problem. YOU have a problem. The other person may never do anything to make things better, but you can. If you want your relationship to work, you will do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to get what you want. Remember, you screwed it up and until you come to that realization, it is not going to work.

What are you going to do to save that relationship? Glad you asked, write these down.

Step One: Apologize.

Step Two: Apologize again.

Step Three: Beg them to forgive you and for them to tell you what you have to do to keep your relationship. Ask them to make a list and follow it daily. Ask for more tasks repeatedly to add to the list. If they do not add to the list themselves, YOU do it. Ask them their opinion of the things that you took the initiative to add. If they do not like them, scratch that from the list and add others. Rinse. Repeat. Indefinitely. Until the end of time.

Step Four: PROFIT!

I have no idea why everyone makes these things so hard, when they are so very, very simple. Anything of value is worth whatever you have to pay for it.

PS: If the partner cheated early in the relationship, dump them, they never wanted it anyway. If they waited years before they cheated, you caused it because you changed, Dummy.

PS Again: By the way, I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.

Please take the time to comment.

8 comments:

MUD said...

Welcome back to the race. I was afraid that you had let one simple stupid thing push you over the edge and you might really leave. I think the old Ann landers saying is true today. "Are you better off with or without the other person?" Once the answer becomes without, it is only a matter of time. In most of the cases I have seen, the person that gets thrown out of the relationship has stopped loving the other person and treats them like they no longer are in love. You might lose the wild passion but you never stop holding hands on the way to the car. MUD

Red said...

"Relationships are 100/100" That's right! Husband says the same thing ;-)

Skunkfeathers said...

From Mean ol Meany to Mr. Relationship Advice! Versatile, you is!

From my own personal 'sperience in this sh**, ah'll tall ewe wha: yawp, 'twas my fault when things went totally to meadow muffin in my engagement. Shore 'nuff: when she started demanding that I roll over, I should have said "adios, beeyotch", a damn sight sooner than I did.

So you is right, kinda ;)

paul mitchell said...

MUD, I started the ball rolling to shut down my business yesterday. I am not backing down on that at all. I will continue to blog, though. Y'all are like family.

And Red, you have to keep score, too. But, there are no points taken off for doing the bad things.

Skunks, for me, unless I am totally in control, I cannot make things work either. So, there is that.

(Dead) Tommy5 said...

Thanks Dr. Phil. I can't believe I actually agree with you.

Don't worry about your "friend". I'm sure he'll give his wife everything he wins at The Masters.

paul mitchell said...

MUD, I started the ball rolling to shut down my business yesterday. I am not backing down on that at all. I will continue to blog, though. Y'all are like family.

And Red, you have to keep score, too. But, there are no points taken off for doing the bad things.

Skunks, for me, unless I am totally in control, I cannot make things work either. So, there is that.

Skunkfeathers said...

From Mean ol Meany to Mr. Relationship Advice! Versatile, you is!

From my own personal 'sperience in this sh**, ah'll tall ewe wha: yawp, 'twas my fault when things went totally to meadow muffin in my engagement. Shore 'nuff: when she started demanding that I roll over, I should have said "adios, beeyotch", a damn sight sooner than I did.

So you is right, kinda ;)

MUD said...

Welcome back to the race. I was afraid that you had let one simple stupid thing push you over the edge and you might really leave. I think the old Ann landers saying is true today. "Are you better off with or without the other person?" Once the answer becomes without, it is only a matter of time. In most of the cases I have seen, the person that gets thrown out of the relationship has stopped loving the other person and treats them like they no longer are in love. You might lose the wild passion but you never stop holding hands on the way to the car. MUD

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