Monday, March 24, 2008

Bean's Easter-Day Black truth for the Dark Man and Woman

After perusing the stony hillsides of the Afghan nation, sipping on chai and macking with the sweet Mullah's, I stumbled (literally) upon the secret ancestry of my people. I know now for a fact that my people (Black, African American, Negro, Darkies--whatever the pc term for us is these days) are descendants of the South Western Asian people. That Roots movie was waaaaaayyy wrong.

I have grown up proud of the fact that my race of people stood out among others when it came to their ability to "nigga-rig"(NR) products of discard. I have always been baffled at the fact that you have never seen Africans portraying such a marvelous display of technical know how. For all of those who have ever been to the Big Apple, you know what I am talking about. It's the perfect show of the vast difference between Blacks and Africans. If you go to the African "street vendor" he unfurls a sheet revealing their best attempt at squandered technology--third rate cd's and dvd's. Pure child's play in being a true "nigga-rigger". On the other hand, If you go to Black "street vendor" he opens up his jacket (see-even the method of discreetness is more advanced) to reveal carjacked stereo systems, dubs (20-in rims for the non-geners), and discount coupons to his friend Shaniece who sells modern fashion wear in the back of her boutique--m,'kay?. I digress too far from topic.

Anyway, I'm walking with my Mullahs in the back shouting "Praise be to Allah", right, and I see a 50 kw generator stripped of its plug, powered by spliced wires from the missing plug-in and grounded by a power cable spliced on both ends and attached to metal. I was in awe. I mean, who else other than my people could be such masters at the art of "nigga-rigging". So, I called my homies to verify that this was indeed a true work of NR. Lil Bookie, our head NR, confirmed what I thought to be true, this generator was "nigga-rigged". It was at that moment that Allah gave me a shout out.

"Yo, Bean. WTF up? You peep this sign I show before thee?"

"Word. But this can't be right GD. Alex Haley said this ain't the way things went down. I'm sposed to be from Africa."

"Check this Bean. I made you. You can't be nothing without me. Word is bond on that."

"Aight, I dig. But my people gon' be mad. Hell, we bought a lot of merchandise and made a lot of movies about Africa. We can't say Black power during the middle of Kite Runner. We'd look like fools."

"Bean, thus I have spoken and thus is the message you will spread."

So, here I am to tell you that all these years we were wrong. All Black people, came from Afghanistan--not Africa. Damn.

6 comments:

Skunkfeathers said...

Okay...I wasn't born in Africa or Afghanistan..I wuz born in this hyar America place. Specifically, Iowa, pronounced I-owe-wah by some and I-owe-way by others.

But what in the horsefeathers am I lookin' at in these hyar pictures?

;)

Two Dogs said...

Skunky, that is the power wire from a small welder with the plug stripped off and plugged directly into a surge suppressor. Voltage surges are BAD. The bottom photo is the ground wire, you know that you have to ground electrical appliances to metal. It just so happens that this welder is grounded to an artillery shell.

Two Dogs said...

Bean says that it is a battery charger thingy instead of a welder.

on-the-rocks said...

I have seen rednecks do that riggin' stuff when they are sober. The ones that ain't sober ain't around no mo.

Two Dogs said...

These rednecks were the Afghan locals, OTR. Imagine the height of redneckness there.

benning said...

I think, Ms. Bean, you been sippin' too much Chai! Welcome home!

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