The Warmth of Family

This is my cousin, Matthew. Matthew is a big-time basketball corch for the University of Kentucky Lady Wildcats. I have not laid eyes on the boy in YEARS, but at the time when we were both going through some low times in our life, Matt bunked at my house.

Matt was actually present the first time that I ever kissed Carla, so there is that.

Anyhoo, he finally added me on Facebook, and he was one of the very few people that I actually requested as a friend, because I really don't Facebook. I think that I requested that add a month or so ago. I had forgotten about it, entirely.

I went and checked out his photos thinking that he would have some photos of his daughter that was very small the last time I saw her, and found this GOLDMINE. (Seriously, I cannot look away from the comment from Danny, I have laughed non-stop at that for HOURS.)

*Click it to see how we roll.*

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The Two Dogs Fambly Welcomes New Crumb Crunchers

I wanted to wait on this one until I had definitive proof, sometimes we can get tricked into believing stuff is true. Obama is a smart guy, global warming is man made and EXISTS!, soccer is a MAN's sport, The Dark Knight is a good movie, the list is endless.

I finally have the proof necessary to move forward on this story.

On March 9, 2009, at 2:05 AM, C and his Ball and Chain welcomed into the world, Little Umlaut, tipping the scales at seven pounds, seven ounces, and stretching nineteen point five inches.

This is the first photograph that I received from C and you can plainly see that the baby is fake in this one. I thought this was some elaborate HOAX to damage the credibility of my blog, because everyone knows that we are proven right 100% of the time.

I DID NOT FALL FOR THIS ONE. I knew that C and B&C could have purchased one of those fake pregnancy suits and just gone through the ruse for months on end to pull off this joke. They are crafty like that.












Then I got this one. Since I know that you cannot just RENT a baby and delivery room and hospital, I began to start to believe it. It really helps that C has the look of sheer terror on his face that screams, "NO WAI! How in the WORLD am I going to take care of a small HUMAN?!?!"










In this one, we see that C was right. The small human has already been neglected to the point of actually having to attempt to EAT HERSELF! I can picture C trying to hand her a slab of ribs and an already cooling church table of ditch crickets still remains uneaten in the background.

There really should be some kind of parenting test or something.








Here we see C finally chilling out because he realizes that he really doesn't have to take care of the baby because he is actually married and around these parts, raising the young 'uns is wimmen's work.

Congrats to you both and I am so glad that all of C's movie watching actually wound up producing something.

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More Crumb-Crunchers

I try to publish the spawn of my friends whenever they actually find a woman that wants to reproduce with them. Of my nearly seven hundred dear and close friends, I think that about six of them have spawned. What does that tell you?

(Dead) Tommy 5 sends this in of his newborn daughter. The person on the far left is obviously Deanna, though I really cannot tell because I am not intimately involved enough with the scant skin of the tip of her nose and chin to be certain. The color is right, but it's just a guess. And (Dead) Tommy 5 thought that the lighting was not sufficient for his camera/phone, so he rolled in some stadium lights from Bryant-Denny to make sure Baby Muadnait Aibreann Rionach Gobnait was seen. Wait, that is not her name, I know that it is some descriptive Gaelic name, 'causing they's Crackers from wayback.

Her real name is Braelyn Grace, but we are not sure who the father is yet, so the last name will have to wait.

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Congrats Tommy and Deanna. She looks just like Farley.

Welcome to the Clan!

Y'all may remember my buddy, Ev. This is Ev-Daddy, cleverly disguised as his alter ego, "Georgia-Man," enjoying the Italian outdoors with his swarthy Italian friends, The Warren Beattys. Well, not only did Ev actually find a woman that could stand him, (with all due respect*, I think she must be mildly retarded) but he also made a small human with her. And since we are so enthused by small humans, here are some photographs offered as evidence that Ev is not gay, or at the very least, has a very good grasp of modern scientific procedures.

Mama, small human, and Ev, with Ev pretending to be nonplussed by said small human. I was actually disappointed that they did not have the Georgia touque properly installed on small human's head. Trust me, the "G" is most definitely on that touque, you just can't see it. Knowing Ev, they probably had to special order the diapers in red chino.

This is Mama, small human, and the cabana boy that they purchased to help with all of the menial tasks involved in taking care of said small human. Hopefully, the cabana boy has ADHD so he can stay up to all hours of the night to take care of small human. Those things possess the motor of David Pollack, small humans as well as ADHD cabana boys. (Obscure Georgia one-eyed football player reference, there.)

Living proof that Mama doesn't have to become a waddling cow when she is with child. Never again will I accept that old "I'm eating for two!" crap. Congrats to you all.

And I told Ev that the small human would decide to arrive in the wee hours of the morning because obviously in utero time is twelve hours off of normal business hours. I was right, as usual.

If you need illustrations on how you too can spawn, drop me an e-mail. I know how it is done.

* - Remember, when someone says "with all due respect" it gives them a free pass to insult you without hurting your feelings.

One of the Dog's Clan Turns This Many (*I'm holding up six hands*)

I have just been informed that one of my brood celebrates the umbilical snipping today. Happy Birthday, Mrs. Tommy 5, many more to ya.

Note: Please remember that I placed a time limit on creation of any graphics on this blog, that limit is 5 minutes. I broke the rule, this took five minutes, seven seconds.

Happy Birthday, D.

Dogs Family Update

Sultan sends in this update on one of the wee-ones in the Dogs family. Seems that Maya suffers from the typical family affliction of having trouble handling the drink.

Only moments before this photo was snapped, she was dancing on the bar. Oh well.

My First Video Post!

This is part of the music scene in Jacktown. To the far left, playing cello, is a really good friend of mine. Let me know what y'all think.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Passenger Jones performing "Sacked on the Sidewalk."

Da Fambly Keeps Growing!

It seems that one of my boys has figured out that spawning thing again. Pres and Mary added Maya Frances to the Dogs Clan on Thursday May 18, 2006 at 8:49 p.m. Baby and Ma are doing fine, but it seems that they have a little too much help at the house.

Now, if only Jesse could find a woman.

Hey to Becky!

I must admit that there are some women that contribute great things to this world without entering the workforce. Just to let you know those stay-at-home Moms do a helluva job at all they do with so little fanfare. Becky, you did a helluva a job.

Ting Adds to the Dogs Clan

The Dogs Clan has added a new member. Congrats to my friends, Ting and Carol on the birth of Iris.

Erin's Big Ol' Tongue

Even though she's one of the sweetest folks I know, Erin was born with a tongue that was simply too large for her mouth.

And what about that FINE FEMA trailer?

Wetback's Last Day

Left to Right: Clanium, Wetback, Dr. Akeith, and me. We'll miss you, Wetback.

More of the Posse. I said POSSE!

Teeerrrrrrrrr said he wanted to see more pictures of him, so here's the entire Wrecking Crew, plus Ralph. Beers and baseball, baby!

Great Times Not Too Long Ago

Teeerrrrrrrr, Erin, and me at the M-Braves game. I miss seeing these guys daily. Yep, that's a beer.

My Extended Family

I have been meaning to post these photos for a couple of weeks. Better late than never. An addition has been made to my humble little posse, her name is Madalyn. Born October 2, 2005 at 12:39 in the afternoon, 6 pounds 10 ounces, 19.5 inches long. G_d bless you and keep you safe. Oh, and the parents, Mike-Mike and Krystalyn, y'all too.