My Apologies to TSUN (I was wrong!)

I just wanted to take the opportunity to apologize to my friends from TSUN. I have trash talked y'all unmercifully since I was about four years old. I picked We Suck to win the Battle for the Golden Egg by seventeen points this year. I made that call back in July, not because We Suck was so very good (because they aren't), but because TSUN was so very bad.

(BUT, WE WON RECRUITING THIS YEAR!!11!1!!!)

Last night we learned exactly how bad TSUN is. Bo Wallace, the Junior "quarterback" for TSUN, had a whopping 18.2 QBR. Seriously. TSUN's offense crossed midfield but three times, once only to the 48 yard line. The two trips to the RED ZONE netted one field goal because TSUN missed like a 26 yarder or something.

The Four Letter continually referred to TSUN's "high powered" offense this year because you have to be an insaniac to work at The Four Letter. Get this, TSUN is ranked 28th and 43rd in passing and rushing, respectively. We Suck is ranked 55th and 48th. H-U-G-E difference, huh? Last night, they combined for the yardages that each team was averaging per game. Great job.

Now, about We Suck. If I had the power, Dan Mullen would have been given his final check midway through the second quarter (of the Oklahoma State game!!!). This dude was brought to We Suck to bring the offense. HO-LEE SHEE-IT!!! We Suck has less than 3000 yards passing on the year.

Finally, I am already predicting the score from next year's match-up in Klansingtonville between TSUN and We Suck. We Suck by fourteen.

Oh yeah, CROOM!!!

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Draft Day for Timbow

While enjoying a breakfast sandwich and a coupla' lattes today, I got to enjoy the humor of reading USA Today Business and Sports sections. The business section was hilarious because they are in competition with Chris Matthews to be Barry Obama's fluffers, but the sports section offered new insights into craziness.

From an article entitled "Scouts take long look at Tebow," by Scott Wood.

An intriguing player is former Florida State safety Myron Rolle, who graduated in 2008 and then spent last year as a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford, deciding to put his potential NFL career on hold.

"The Rolle kid is really interesting. The intangibles are off the charts," Mayock said.

It seems that the NFL scouts actually have a chart for intangibles and they offer it in an Excel™ spreadsheet. I downloaded the spreadsheet and plugged in Rolle's numbers.

What do you know? They are not actually off of the charts. Mike Fucking Mayock LIED.

Here are Rolle's numbers:

Gumption (out of a possible 100): 14.1! He is almost totally devoid of gumption.

Stick-to-it-ness (out of a possible 135) 84! Slightly above the average.

Iciness (out of a possible 7): 48! Even though Rolle's iciness score IS actually off the charts (by almost seven times!), there is an additional plug-in for the Excel™ spreadsheet that lets you measure intangibles that are actually OFF THE CHARTS!!!

There are twelve more intangible metrics on the spreadsheet, yet Rolle only is technically off the charts on Iciness. Let's just skip the rest, mmmmkay?

Personally, I assume that Mayock does not actually have Microsoft Excel™ or if he does, he has no idea how to use it. This is basically why I do not watch or listen to any sportscasters at all. And pro footbaw can blow me.


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A Quick Update Regarding Girl's Pre-School Badminton

Since we are always concerned about the state of SEC footbaw, why in the world would little girl's badminton concern me? Well, because Rocky Top's corch is quitting footbaw to corch it.

The PAC-10 sucks. HARD.

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WTW - The BrittFarr Edition

THERE. IS. NO. G_D.

Just so you know, the Pro Bowl is a freaking joke. This year, no player that participates in the Super Bowl shall be involved. Enjoy, it is just like the BCS, now.

(Image stolen from The Freaking News)


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College Gameday - Week IX (Week Nine)

Because we are STILL your number one source for all that is COLLEGE GAMEDAY, we simply must, must, must let y'all know where you can find the dumbest humans that are NOT working in the Barry White House.

The short bus shall be traveling up to Eugene, Oregon because they do not want to be around any college footbaw this weekend. That makes three weekends in a damn row that College Gameday has not attended a footbaw game. I think that trip to Provo, Utah wore the guys out. From what I hear, there are quite a bit of farm animals around Provo and Streit Herbkirk is done wore hisself slap out from pumping Elsie.

Anyhoo, the only college that I am aware of in Eugene is Northwest Christian University and they do not have a footbaw team. I guess that the College Gameday folks are heading up there for a much needed weekend off from publicly embarrassing themselves.

I think that the university of Southern California Community College has a BYE this week, but I could be wrong.

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The APee Poll Should Be Disregarded FOREVAH

While waiting on the Harris Interactive poll yesterday, which is always the last one to be finished, I went back and scoured the numbers from Week Uno. There is absolutely no explanation for the APee rankings from Week Uno or Week Dos. Last week, the APee had Bammeroids at number one and Flarda at number two. This week, the APee has reversed those placements.

What has happened since last weekend? Bammeroids beat a Rocky Top team that has been all up in every game this year, except for the one against Flarda. The very same Flarda team that struggled against We Suck this past weekend.

Please someone put a fork in the APee, it is DONE.

*Click the image to see that last week, the APee was the only pollster that actually had Bammeroids at number one. And the APee is NOT counted in the actual year end rankings, either. Wonder why?*

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Um, Does This Really Need to Be Said/Shown?

*Click it to see the biggun!*

The fact that I outrank two of my favorite sports blogs in the world gives me much, much joy.

Yes, I am easily amused and my site is not nearly as good as any of those on this search. I admit my (hopefully) near mediocrity on a regular basis.

BUT!!! STILL!!! Sunday Morning Quarterback.

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Blog Milestone (And College Gameday Location Week Five!!!)

I just realized that we had passed the 2007 post milestone. Since 2007 is an extremely random number, I shall from this point forward celebrate every subsequent hundred posts with giving away a free something or 'nother. It prolly won't be worth much because we make ZERO dollars blogging.

Please keep in mind that you always get what you pay for around here.

COLLEGE GAMEDAY shall be in Boston this coming Saturday for the Flarda State v. Boston College SUCKFEST.

I AM NOT KIDDING!!!

I halfway do not believe this because I was unaware entirely that there was actually a college in Boston. So, I did my research on Boston College.

Boston College's athletic teams are called "The Flamers." The main profession that is studied at BC is drunk-driving. Doug Flutie is GHEY. Professors are all straight from mental institutions and smell like pipe tobacco and suede. Boston College has never played a single team that was any good in the four year history of their junior college footbaw program. I also fell asleep twenty-two times while researching Boston College and am still very sleepy.

Just out of curiosity, I checked out how old Bobby Bowden was, too. Mathematicians are still trying to invent that number.

GO CRIMINOLES!!!!!!!!

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College Gameday - The Beclowning Continues

Since this little HORSE MIME blog is the number one place for everything College Gameday, we try to give you the location of the dumbest television show with the most moronic people in the history of sports.

Tomorrow they will be in Compton for the match-up between Compton and Furman. Sorry, that is really not right, but when I found out which game they were really covering, I fell asleep for two straight days. I hired a large Samoan to come in and beat me with a cat-o-nine tails wrapped in barbed-wire to stay awake long enough to write this post.

Saturday, September 26, 2009, College Gameday shall broadcast from "Happy Valley" in State College, Pennsylvania. They are going to be at Penn State v. Iowa!!! ARE Y'ALL CEREAL?!?!?!

I am soooo....zzzzzz.........

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[Seriously, this makes me ill, y'all. A Big 10 (11) game? WHO FUCKING CARES?]

(Dead) Tommy 5 Calls Color on the Clemson Meltdown

Watch this and then read (Dead) Tommy 5's critique below.



Did you read the comments? Everyone wants the idiot to sue them and ESPN. This country is being taken over by you fags. One comment stated he was fagboy’s buddy and he is going to sue, one dollar for every hit the video gets on youtube. I think I can defend the four letter and broadcasters.

Me: You are at a college football game, you know it is on national television, you act like a p***y, and don’t expect anyone to make fun of you? Are you gay? Drop your suit and I will go get you a happy meal from McDonald’s, and if you don’t wet your pants when we get there I will also get you an ice cream cone.

Fagboy: You promise?

Me: Yes, I promise.

Gayboy: okay.

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College Gameday - September 12, 2009

Just a heads-up for you losers that are looking for the next location for The Four Letter's College Gameday. Next week, College Gameday shall originate from the worst game of the week's location.

tOSU v. uSCCC in Columbus, Ohio. GO! POISONOUS NUTS!!!!!

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WTW - Bounty on His Head

Try to ignore who we are talking about until the MONEY SHOT!!!!

In 1990 (Linked below in Timeline).

In 1991.

In 1996 - Drive By Shooting.

Again, in 1996.

Again in 1996 - and 1997.

In 1999 - Shoplifting.

In 2006 (pdf).

Again in 2006.

Timeline.

By the way, I cannot even find an article about the mysterious death of his sister's husband on the farm and there are so many articles that have additional situations and circumstances that have occurred, it would take me the rest of my entire life to link them all.

With all that said, YAY! The pill-popping, interception-leader, White Trash kartuhbeck is BACK!!!

GITCHUR FREE NEGROES!!!

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Obligatory, I Ain't Dead Post

Folks, sorry that I have not been all up in the blorx, but life has called and I had to respond. F*CK YOU LIFE. (I decided to start placing the '*' in the bad words again, because those do not count toward the penance. It is called 'cheating' and it appears that I am going to have to get reconstructive knee surgery from all the D*MN Hail Marys and Our Fathers that I am rolling through.)

When life kicks up and important/difficult things happen, I go into fire-stomping, problem-solving mode and all other things take a backseat. Sorry, but multi-tasking cannot include life and death decisions, they require my full attention and brutality. That said, I still have to find pleasure at the same time and even though this blog is one of my favorite things in this world, alas, it is not the first one.

Before everyone floods my inbox because y'all are seriously the biggest support group, bunch of mothering pansies, and the most concerned folks in the entire world, NO, this circumstance does NOT directly influence my life, it involves one of my close non-virtual friends and I am very concerned and am keeping my ear to the rail in an all out effort to help her the best way that I know.

After being offline for about 39 hours, I got the chance to catch up on my reading this afternoon. Almost 2000 posts that I "read," 30 something that I bookmarked to leave a comment, and quite a few that really touched me. I just do not have the time to do them justice right now, but I shall point to two on completely opposite sides of my emotional realm.

Salute. There is hardly anything in this world that gives me as much joy seeing as the parental pride from an overly emotional father. Kinda wordy post if you look for what is said. The worst part is that Dad kinda blocked comments.

And I read one million sports blogs. College Gameday is awesome. BUT! Pro-sports kinda suck. Suck like Brittfar. It is UNpossible that anyone exists in this world that hates Brittfar like I do. I plan on inventing a GOLFBALL MACHINEGUN to deal with this M*THER F*CKER.

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THIRTY MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot wait, either. I met up with some of the old college football watching crowd this past Saturday. Since I rarely partake in Da Drank anymore, I had friggin' Diet Coke. I would imagine that it would be very difficult to not order an entire fermenting vat of adult beverage. I did eat eight solid pounds of nachos though.

Anyhoo, I have been swamped with basic geometry and I have not had the chance to post, so here is the obligatory bullshit post that means nothing.

BUT! In case you are wondering what media days for the PAC-10 could possibly look like, well it resembles the INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN THE WHITE HOUSE BREAKFAST.

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BREAKING NEWS!

Is it STILL not September 3rd.

Dammit.

But, ooooo, Jackson State! Good Lord.

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Throwing Off the Shackles of Blackuary

In an effort to purge the last remnants of the slavery that is forced upon us in the month of Blackuary, I decided to lighten the mood a little, with the reporting of death, mayhem, and destruction that is going on right this damn minute.

Radio legend, Paul Harvey has passed away. Godspeed, Mr. Harvey.

Kerry Wood is playing for Cleveland. And he has a bad back this year.

Germany has decided that Barry Obama is an angel and he is going to fly along, with Europe clinging to his coattails. The image that I keep seeing is a group of mountain climbers being pulled down the side of K2, because a 'biner snapped.

Venezuela is enacting Barry Obama's plans faster than Barry. One million to one odds that the country is prospering next year and exports rice to the world.

Great cabinet pick for Justice.

And as long as we are discussing nominations, how about Barry Obama for a Nobel Peace Prize? Seriously, I am not kidding, either. I spent two solid hours last night trying to come up with anything that Barry has ever done in his entire life to merit even an award at a local level, like "Best Stumble." STILL. GOT. NOTHING.

Maybe it is because he wants everyone to go to college? Seriously, is there ANYONE in the world that thinks that all people going to college is a good idea? ANYONE?

Obviously, Bill Schneider is vying for the lyingest liar award. Bill says that Rush Limbaugh's speech at CPAC was "filled with hate."

Watch it for yourself and determine.

The meme for tomorrow in the Moron Media shall be to completely talk down Limbaugh's CPAC speech. They will liken it to something by David Duke or worse. Hide and watch.

What shall be really fun is to actually watch Ann Coulter debate Bill Maher. OMG!!!11!!! Bill Maher is actually going to try to talk over Miss Ann! This looks to be the funniest debate since Dick Cheney SCHOOLED Joe Lieberman.

I am really busy today, but I'll check back in later.

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Blackuary 26, 0001 AB - Religion of Peace Update

On this day in 45 BB (the year that produced the smartest people ever recorded in history) a boxer named Cassius Clay pissed on his heritage. In case you did not know, this boxer was named after his father, who was named after an abolitionist, Cassius Marcellus Clay. The moron boxer actually stated that he was giving up his "slave name." Kinda ironic, huh?

Yes, Muhammad Ali converted to the Religion of Peace on this day, which triggered all kinds of fallout in the entire country. Starting with his refusal to serve in the military because of his cowardice and subsequently being stripped of his title.

Ali made hating this country cool again. We salute you, TRAITOR.

Also on this day in Blackuary 81 BB, Antoine Dominique Domino was born in Nawlins. At the height of his popularity, this dude was somewhat large. Today, his stage name would be "Average" Domino. During the debacle of flooding in Nawlins back in 2005, Fats was actually rescued by Coast Guard helicopter and then he was picked up by JaMarcus Russell at a Baton Rouge shelter. Here's a photo of Fats hanging out with George Bushwhen Bush was returning Fats' stuff that he stole with Hurricane Katrina. (Hat-Tip: Andy. I gotta say that Andy's profile photo on his blog makes me laugh every single time I see it.)

FUCK IT, THE NEWS.

There is so much denial going on in the media about the "Fairness Doctrine," that it is just beyond my imagination. The Barrystream Media keeps saying no one is calling for it, yet TODAY there are TWO votes on various FD stuff. Senator Jim DeMint TWEETS about it. but, but, but, the Barrystream keep saying no one wants it, I guess Dick Durbin is NO ONE, huh?

This week Barry has been SPEECHING about cutting the money spent and owed by government. This is somewhat disingenuous since he has in effect doubled (or more) the deficit and spending in what shall become to be known as the "Worst Month Ever in the History of the United States." Folks, the Moron President is quite possibly the most lying liar to ever be born in Kenya and that is NO SMALL FEAT.

Let's go to the transcript of his speech the other night. Now that we know EXACTLY what Barry said in his speech, let's check out how he proposes to reduce the amount of money that is owed and shall be owed.

By getting the Moron Congress to pass YET ANOTHER FOUR HUNDRED TEN BILLION DOLLARS in spending. Okay, this seems contrary to his goal, but let's roll with it.

And how is Barry's concept of REDUCING the deficit working out? How about THIS?

While I was watching the Dow ticker yesterday, we experienced a fall of 130 points in about sixteen minutes. Guess what happened? Yep, Barry gave a speech RIGHT FRIGGIN' THEN. (with video of Barry alongside the Dow ticker)

Another piece of Barry's digging out of the economic problem is to INCREASE unemployment to the point we haven't seen since Jimmy Carter's policies were being overturned. Wow, we all thought that it would take a couple of years for Barry to destroy our wealth. WE WERE WRONG.

What does Senator Klan Kleagle Robert Byrd (Dumbass-WV) have to say about Barry? Trust me, it has the "N-Word" written ALL over it. Barry has forgotten his place.

In an effort to make collecting YOUR money much easier for Barry's Brown Shirts, he has his folks in Congress working overtime to facilitate those collections by taking your protection away.

Bobby Rush jumped ahead of President Jughead a little in the planning, HERE's HR 45 to ban ALL GUNS basically.

And since we are not going to be able to protect ourselves, how does the Department of Homeland Security propose to reduce the amount of illegal, CRIMINAL aliens flooding into the country? By making it against the Regs for ICE agents to arrest Mexicans.

But, those Democrats are the MOST. ETHICAL. CONGRESS. EVAH.

What do Moron Leftist think about Barry? They think that he is a chimp. Or not, seriously, I can't understand Moronese.

Finally, I have two friends that are celebrating their fourth year of blogging. Actually three, but Pam Meister hasn't remembered hers yet. We all started about the same time and sorta wound up reading each other's stuff.

Geosciblog is four!

David Drake is four!

As an aside, one of the local writers for the Clarion Ledger makes the BIGTIME. Yes, he is an idiot. Yes, his article gets taken down by Newsbusters. Yes, everyone in the country now knows that Robert McElvaine is a simpering douchebag. Millsaps College should be so damn happy and proud of their "professors!"

SPORTS WATCH!! What is former running back Jamal Anderson up to? Puking on a bar.

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Blackuary 22, 0001 AB - The Virginia Squires

Born on this day in 59 BB, in Roosevelt, NY, this guy went on to be the 12th pick of the draft in 38 BB. He was picked by the Virginia Squires and went on to be named to the NBA's 50th Anniversary All-Time Team. He is also one of five players in the history of the NCAA to average 20 points and 20 rebounds per game. Currently, he is number five on the all-time NBA scoring list and also played for the Nets and the 76ers.

Today, Julius Winfield Erving II or Dr. J, is fifty-nine years old.

See what I just did?

Let's go to the video on Black History Month.

First up, Morgan Freeman. He should be booted out of the black tribe any day now.



Next, from Bob Parks' Black and Right. If you are not reading his blog daily, you are DEAD TO ME.



I'll try to post again today, but that money is just NOT going to make itself, huh?

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Funny Interblarg of the Day

Swear. I have laughed about this for one solid hour.

Wednesday’s profile of Jesse Palmer should have listed his favorite flavor of soda as “Grape.” We regret the omission of the ‘G,’ and apologize for any emotional distress this has caused Palmer and his family. We deeply regret the error.

EDSBS corrections on the week.

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The Four Letter Sports Linkdump

All sports fans are very well aware if they need really bad sports reporting, all that they need do is to go to ESPN.com and there is a literal plethora of garbage. And it is reported on by absolute idiots!

Anyhoo, I am a linker and a dumper, so while reading the entire blarkynets, everyday, I Control-D all day long. Most of these articles are great, but with an award-winning blurger like myself, I must be able to formulate some kind of coherence to the madness.

Tonight, I do not have to do that, because this is Four Letter Style. Enjoy the bullshit, y'all.

At EDSBS, every year about this time, they start the Fulmer Cupdate. This Big Board keeps track of all misdemeanors and felonies committed by players at Division I-A college footbaw schools. Shocker that Ball State is already in the lead!

AA has the Peetah Gammons suck-fest with A-Rod. Uh, when Alex got tagged, steroids were NOT against the rules, yo. Please, MLB, let this issue die a painful death. If you keep messing with it, the morons of Dumbass Hill in DC are going to get involved, you know. 'Member how swimmingly that went last time with Harry Reid asking what a baseball was?

The Double(!) Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt. May I have TWO, please?

More extreme eats. No, it is NOT the Four Letter, it's just awesome.

Finally, an interview with Stump, the Sussex Spaniel that won the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Stump has a tendency to use somewhat risque language. Holy crap, he's seventy years old, give the guy a break. Old dogs, new tricks, you know.

And as long as I have turned this place into a language strip club, we might as well listen to some snipets of President Jughead cussing like a sailor.

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