College Gameday - Week 10 Wrap-Up

Well, the NUMBER ONE, The Barn, continues their winning ways. We expected that, too. Even though I only worked a split out of The Barn's game yesterday, I still would have made money on my picks. I am not positive, but I think that is almost the first time that I would have achieved that level of WIN! since I have been publishing this blork.

Remember, last week, the PAC-10 Oregon Ugly Uniforms replaced The Barn atop the BCS poll. This is not that scary to me, because The Barn would still play the Ugly Uniforms in the Silly Bowl should both teams win out. Unless, pollsters have something to say about it.

Let's go to the Cray 260000 footbaw predictor and logic regulator to show how stupid pollsters are.

To size Oregon and The Barn up head-to-head for ranking purposes, we must use FACTS, MATHEMATICS, and LOGIC. Pollsters, that obviously only went to tOSU and uSCCC, seem to think that those tools are unnecessary.

Here are the facts.

Oregon beat #9 Stanford and #24 uSCCC. Stanford beat #15 Arizona. uSCCC has beaten ZERO ranked teams. That is the extent of the argument for Oregon to be number one. Admit it, that is some flimsy shit.

However, The Barn beat #12 'Cocks, #20 We Suck, #12 Razorhawgs, and #6 Geaux Tigers. 'Cocks beat #22 UGA, and the NUMBER ONE team at the time, Bammeroids. Just ONE win from The Barn outranks everything that Oregon has produced for the whole season. I think the NUMBER ONE team is pretty clear between the two. Well, unless you are an idiot.

Not only that, but The Barn is undefeated in the Top Ranked Conference, The SEC. Plus, they have TEN WINS v. Oregon's nine. Folks, there is not a single metric, that is measured, that gives any legitimate reason that Oregon would EVER be ranked over The Barn.

Granted, pollsters, that only went to tOSU and uSCCC, do not even regard the SEC as the top rated conference, which it is. Notice the ranking points separating the SEC and the PAC-10. Also, notice the points separating the PAC-10 and the next two conferences. Again, there is LITERALLY no comparison between the two teams or the two conferences.

Again, there is no reason AT ALL that Oregon could ever be ranked above The Barn. The funny part is that everyone knows it, too.

Please take the time to comment.

Draft Day for Timbow

While enjoying a breakfast sandwich and a coupla' lattes today, I got to enjoy the humor of reading USA Today Business and Sports sections. The business section was hilarious because they are in competition with Chris Matthews to be Barry Obama's fluffers, but the sports section offered new insights into craziness.

From an article entitled "Scouts take long look at Tebow," by Scott Wood.

An intriguing player is former Florida State safety Myron Rolle, who graduated in 2008 and then spent last year as a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford, deciding to put his potential NFL career on hold.

"The Rolle kid is really interesting. The intangibles are off the charts," Mayock said.

It seems that the NFL scouts actually have a chart for intangibles and they offer it in an Excel™ spreadsheet. I downloaded the spreadsheet and plugged in Rolle's numbers.

What do you know? They are not actually off of the charts. Mike Fucking Mayock LIED.

Here are Rolle's numbers:

Gumption (out of a possible 100): 14.1! He is almost totally devoid of gumption.

Stick-to-it-ness (out of a possible 135) 84! Slightly above the average.

Iciness (out of a possible 7): 48! Even though Rolle's iciness score IS actually off the charts (by almost seven times!), there is an additional plug-in for the Excel™ spreadsheet that lets you measure intangibles that are actually OFF THE CHARTS!!!

There are twelve more intangible metrics on the spreadsheet, yet Rolle only is technically off the charts on Iciness. Let's just skip the rest, mmmmkay?

Personally, I assume that Mayock does not actually have Microsoft Excel™ or if he does, he has no idea how to use it. This is basically why I do not watch or listen to any sportscasters at all. And pro footbaw can blow me.


Please take the time to comment.

Footbaw - You Bet! (College Gameday)

I really have no idea where these guys play, the college name is Flarda State and I have never heard of it. I have looked through the entire schedule and the only place that I even see Flarda State is on the schedule for the Gates as their last game of the regular season.

Anyhoo, I think these dudes are walk-ons. Good thing, too. I mean if you only play one game a year, what is the use of having a bunch of scholarships and stuff?

So, everyone knows by now that the season of the reason for living kicks off on September 3, 2009 and it promises to be a doozy. FIFTY-THREE DAYS!!!! South Carolina's 'Cocks open the season with NC State and from there the season can only GET BETTER. Seems like I recall that NC State is "The Fighting Upholsterers," but I could be wrong on that.

I anticipate that for the 2009 World College Footbaw Championship Game, we shall have The Gates in the East and (Alabama or LSU, hmmmmm) GEAUX TIGERS! in the West. Here's another weird prediction that I am going to make, Ole Miss shall win eight games and lose in their bowl game, prompting calls for the firing of Houston Nutt. You know, since the Klansmen HATE, HATE, HATE black people.

On the HOME FRONT, I shall state for the record that I think that We Suck shall average 4.3 wins a season FOREVAH. But, I am certainly glad that they penned that SEC Championship Game National Championship Game onto the schedule. You know, since they have played in it EXACTLY ONE TIME since their last winning of the National Championship in 1941.

By the way, if you want a quick lesson in The How-Not-To of web design, Lesson Numero Uno starts at We Suck's schedule page. They should have just used My Space.

Let us now commence the p0wning of The Four Letter for the Google Search for COLLEGE GAMEDAY! (A tidbit of how far up the rankings we have to come this year, this blark is not on the first 20 pages of The Google. I guess last season's final polling doesn't count for this year, for COLLEGE GAMEDAY. And the BCS should be the exact same metric as The Google ranking for "College Gameday.")

Please take the time to comment. All comments MUST include the words, "College Gameday."

Oh, Sylvester Croom!

Let the Soap Party Continue

There has been much said about THIS article. Please, may I pile on, too?

Those of you who actually follow baseball, and understand the sport, are well aware there exist things called "statistics." These mysterious things allow us to compare one thing to another and determine quantitatively and qualitatively which of the two are better. That said, I love the University of Pennsylvania.

Money shot: Using a complex statistical method, researchers concluded that Alex Rodriguez was one of the best shortstops in the game when he played for the Texas Rangers. That means that they actually studied his performance and determined (with math) that he is awesome.

Most baseball fans knew that and they also know that A-Rod is an infinitely better ball player than Derek Jeter. Statistics have proven this, time and time again, but Yankees fans refuse to recognize that FACT.

All that said, Jeter is a good ball player, he's just the worst at his position in Major League Baseball and that includes the Eckstein. Shit, that's bad.

More about Jeter HERE, and HERE.


Please take the time to comment.

Thursday Funny

Since there were no professional sports yesterday because of the All-Star break, nothing much happened. But THIS did. That article delves a little bit into my favorite baseball player, one José Alberto Pujols. Super funny.

And thanks to my buddy, Prince, who gave me an awesome Pujols bobble-head for my birfday. Go Cards, break .500.

Why We Watch Baseball

The hometown Mississippi Braves manager, Phillip Wellman has a little to say about the officiating. It appears that the crowd approves.

Steve Phillips, the world's worst general manager ever in the history of the Big Leagues (could be why he is just a talking head on a bad sports show now), says Phillip should be fired. What say you?

Uh, Okay, You Lost a Fourteen Point Lead

Last night, my alma mater played a game called basketball in the NIT Tournament. The team, or rather the coach, failed to recognize that there is a pretty big court out there and to actually win a game, you need to use the whole damn court.

Rick, these are kids playing basketball, they are obviously not the sharpest tools in the shed. That is where you, the damn coach, comes in. When someone as stupid as me can realize that every last play is geared to one little quadrant of the court, I can put my five guys there to stop your stupid play.

Well, maybe next year we can eek back into the loser's tournament and maybe get to within a game of the championship again. And if we would happen to win, we would be the 65th ranked team in the country! That's awesome!

And again, before anyone starts screaming "RACISM" about my comment insulting baskbetball players' intelligence, I am also talking about football players too. "Ooooo, you played college football? That's great, can I have my latte now?"

A Moment in Black History from Tommy 5

All of my friends know exactly what Black History means to me and Tommy Five sends the link to THIS article. Thanks my friend, I would have never known.

Signing Day!

I am so excited today that I can barely stand it. Today is Signing Day for high school athletes and I can't wait to see all the quality players that my alma mater can sign. Maybe we will get a potential Heisman candidate! Maybe we will get good enough to play in the National Championship game.

Nah, I went to State.

Surely You Jest?

This was funny. But, now it seems that some folks think it is homophobic. No, it's just funny in a gay way. Wear a cup, Leslie-boy.

More on the story HERE.

All the commercials HERE.

Super Bowl Recap

No matter how many times the folks said that this is the first Super Bowl that occured in the rain, they are NOT correct. I attended Super Bowl IV at Tulane Stadium on January 11, 1970 with my grandfather. It rained.

And even though Tony Dungy is "Black," he's STILL a bigot. Or, he is to some people.

UPDATE: Tommy V, read the post. T-U-L-A-N-E S-T-A-D-I-U-M!

What's Wrong Here?

But there’s no doubt that Leyland, who honed his skills with some very good Pirates teams back when Barry Bonds was a pup and teaming up with Bobby Bonilla.

Captain Obvious Reports!!!!!!!!!

Dammit, please! you have got to be kidding me.

(Hat-Tip: Sultan)

"Booty Full?"

Good gracious, who in the world edits ESPN? I knew that all sportcasters and writers were morons, but DAMN! I bet John David hates his parents.....

Two Dogs Breaks Down the Bowls

Well, we are only a couple of weeks away from the beginning of the bowl season and you know that I want to talk about these games. I am not a sportscaster by any stretch of the imagination because I have a least one brain cell left, so I will do the honors of letting them know what teams do not belong here.

I'm going to run through the games that are funny because everyone knows that it is easier to get into a bowl than to not. You didn't know that? Yes, there are thirty-two (32) bowl games and only one hundred nineteen (119) teams.

Let's skip the first nine games on the list, I think you would agree that there is no reason for these games at all. TCU vs. NIU? Nasty. Go Horned Frogs! Beat those Huskies!

Damn, I got all the way down to the Alamo Bowl before I even had a thought about any of these games. People are saying that Michigan got screwed? Let's pretend that we are the 9-3 Longhorns. We know that we are going to a bowl game, but who the Hell do we play? 6-6 Iowa who finished 8th in the Big 10. Really that isn't so bad because there are eleven teams in the Big 10. Check it. Oh, wait, no that's damn bad. If I were the AD at Texas, I would refuse to play.

Allstate Sugar. Yep, you know she is. Whadda Ho!

Now, for the things that totally confuse the crap out of me about the bowl schedule. Why is the International Bowl, played in Toronto, Canada, with two teams that no one cares about, played after the Sugar and Rose Bowls? I bet there are not 200 folks in the stands and ALL of them will be wearing uniforms. Same goes for the GMAC Bowl, but GO GOLDEN EAGLES! They forgot that they are not a quality team because they have a direction in their name.

And finally, the National Championship. If the University of Florida does not win this game, the SEC will not get another shot for at least ten more years. All I hope is that Florida doesn't need any field goals because their kicking game blows.

GO GATORS!

A Bit of Follow-up

As we learned Friday night, college teams that have to tell you where they are by their names, are NOT quality teams. We learned this from ESPN radio, the same folks that published this ranking list. For some reason, not all of the people got the memo.

All I can say is, "Hey, USC, blow me."

Man, I want Florida in the game with Ohio State and I pray that the Gators beat the living crap out of the Buckeyes. Go SEC!

As always, if you need the big one, click the awesome graphic.

Must You be a Moron to be on Sports Talk?

Last night on my drunken way to the crib, I was listening to Sports Talk radio as I usually do. Oh, and laughing about Bean's run-in with the alcohol, that ended badly. The argument presented was on how Florida (the damn Gators) couldn't actually have a shot at a National Championship because they played teams like Central Florida, Southern Mississippi, and West Carolina.

The guys laughed and said that anyone that had a direction in their name was not considered a quality team. (ie "Central, Southern, and West")

These morons were actually making the case for the University of "Southern" California against Florida for the BSC bid. Dillweeds, every last one of them, and they couldn't even glimpse the stupidity of their argument.

Dammit, I hate people.

UPDATE: I stand corrected. IF you do have a direction in your name, you blow. UCLA did not get a quality win yesterday when they beat the number 2 ranked University of SOUTHERN California. The BCS is screwed. And so is Florida.

Fire Croom NOW!!!!!

While doing cursory searches for my buddy Shane on some college football stats, I stumbled upon this gem for you State fans.

What you see here is the historical record of Division I-A College Football ranked in winning percentage. Marked with the red dot by the ranking, you will see all of the SEC teams, except for the South Carolina Gamecocks that I inadvertently clipped. They are ranked number 89 anyway. Mississippi State has the lowest winning percentage of ALL of the SEC. They are historically the worst team in the conference.

Also, you will see that the only team that has over 1000 games logged that has a worse winning percentage than State is Tulane, who incidentally beat MSU this year. And further insult to injury comes from the fact that DUKE!!! has a better winning percentage than State. DUKE!!!!

You will notice as well that the lowest winning percentage in all of Division I-A ball is held by the juggernaut of Florida International who just lost 18 of their players in the brawl with Miami (Florida).

Anyhoo, firing Croom is the dumbest thing that State could do. They ought to sign him to a forty-five year contract and see what some stability could do for the program.

Oh, and you will also notice that of the D-IA schools in our state, University of Southern Mississippi is 27 out of 119, Ole Miss is 46, and State is 101 of 119.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LEAVE CROOM ALONE, YOU STUPID NO-FOOTBALL KNOWING STUPID DUMMIES!

The Start of Football Season

As all sports fans are aware, football season starts right after the conclusion of the World Series. Bring on the football, but first let's discuss the Series.

Okay, we all know that the Designated Hitter is gay. That makes all American League teams and their fans gay by default. However, I kinda like the A's, so I'm only partially gay. The main reason that I like the A's is, well, because I like folks such as Billy Beane that overcome obstacles and persevere. HERE's an article that I penned discussing the things that are important to remember regarding payroll.

So, Detroit and St. Louis were pretty evenly matched for payroll. Detroit was heavily favored because my Cards kinda limped into the Playoffs and the Series. Boy, were the odds makers wrong. Detroit couldn't have choked more if they were Greg Norman playing at Augusta with Nick Faldo on his ass.

And on to the MVP. David Eckstein? You have to be kidding me. This guy is flat out BAD at baseball. I am sure that you will hear crazy stories from La Russa, Jim Rome, and every sports writer about how this is the toughest guy to ever wear a uniform, but he isn't. Let's look at the numbers for just the Series and see if we can figure out how this guy won the MVP.

Here's what he did in the Playoffs up until Game Four of the Series. .185/.290/.259, 1 XBH. For you uneducated in the realm of statistics in baseball, that represents Batting Average / On Base Percentage / Slugging with ONE extra base hit and his numbers tell you that he sucks to monumental proportions. Not only does he blow at the plate, he is at best a mediocre fielder. His throws to first from shortstop routinely have to be cut off by the pitcher. Read THIS from Ken Tremendous. I laughed my ass off. People in the know HATE Eckstein.

Okay, who is the R E A L MVP? Good question. The answer? Just damn near anyone else. I say Scott Rolen first, with Jim Edmonds in second, Yadier Molina third, everyone else fourth, Eckstein fifth ahead of only Encarnacion (who produced a new level of suck for the Series). Just look at the Box Scores and tell me how Eckstein wins MVP?

Now, about the ratings. Yes, this was the lowest ranked Series ever for viewing public, but remember, the only sporting event that outranks this series is the Super Bowl. This year's Series pulled in a 10.1 average share which means something or another. The NBA Championship only pulled an 8, World Cup Championship a 7.4, and the hockey championship a lowly 2.1.

I have produced one of my patented graphics to prove my point, but this most expensive Blogger software will not allow me to upload right now. Keep coming back and it will appear soon, baby. Dammit, straight to Hell.

UPDATE: Blogger will not let me upload my graphics, so we will post the stats here. I know these are just BA stats, but they tell the whole damn story. Rolen played all games better than Eckstein. ALL GAMES BETTER.

Game 1
Eckstein .000
Rolen .500

Game 2
Eckstein .000
Rolen .500

Game 3
Eckstein .154
Rolen .417

Game 4
Eckstein .333 (He actually reached on two errors, but they were scored as hits anyway.)
Rolen .438

Game 5
Eckstein .364 (Again, reached on an error, but actually got an RBI and hit scored.)
Rolen .421

More October Sports

Since there is no baseball today, I decided to look at the stats for the legitimate Heisman winner from last year so I can be ready when football season starts after the Series. I have watched Norwood since he was at Brandon High School and I can tell you from actual observation, he makes Reggie Bush look like a punk. Not that Bush isn't really a punk, he just doesn't look like it. And do you honestly think that Bush would have even been a starter in the SEC?

Anyhoo, if you are a fantasy football participant and you do not pick Jerious from this season on, you deserve to lose every year.

And believe it or not, Norwood never got hurt at Mississippi State. That in itself is reason to give him the Heisman from last year.