Early Tech Links for the Week

Since I have jacking around with autoresponders, squeeze pages, blog templates, and an endless list of stuff today, I dug into the tech blogs to find some stuff and hit upon a treasure trove of smart things that everyone needs to know.

I cannot count the number of times that I have looked for webbyblog information in the past and found an obscure blog that is chunking out the hacks and tricks that made things so easy for me. Basil has been invaluable with help, too.

Sidebar: If you ever need to know how to watch a specific show on television, on a specific night, e-mail Basil. He knows how to get to it. Don't believe me, just check this out.

Anyhoo, the traffic studies that I have been doing in my downtime have been a wild success. I am almost back up to the point that we were back in August. Traffic is a little off, but well within the margin of error. I am producing a white paper to tell what I did and how I did it. If you want that white paper, you gotta sign up with me to get it. By the way, those of you that have already signed up, you need to sign up again because I am so stupid that I changed e-mail services without grabbing my danged list, sooooooo, go HERE to do it. Top right, yo.

On to the Tech Stuff....

Big news this last week was an e-mail from Google to all legacy Blogspot blog owners that those accounts are shutting down if they are inactive or have not been upgraded. I have a couple of friends that stand to lose everything if they do not upgrade their blogs or at least freaking post.

I wondered why Google had decided to do this until I saw this post from them today on the re-re-redesign of the Blogger in Draft. Being someone that immediately embraces changes in technology, to the point of madness, I switched to Blogger in Draft right when they launched it. I am pretty much like that with everything, too. (Except for the blogroll on the sidebar.)

In Google Mobile News, here is a list of the Android phones getting Gingerbread.

Docs has released a pagination feature. More at the Google Docs blog.

Google Calendar celebrates five years. Yes, I started using it way back then, too. But, with an Android phone, Calendar becomes ten times more useful. And the Favicon changes every day.

Analytics has added a new Help Center. I have yet to use this service because Analytics is so damned easy to use that I can't comprehend needing to use F1.

Goo.gl has also added some new features, like removing stuff from your dashboard. Just so you know, I do not use any other shortening service and I am kinda uneasy about doing that. Focusing all my online direction toward Google is akin to taking my eggs and placing them all in the same basket. (Yes, I just made that line up. You can use it if'n you wanna.)

Gmail rolls new stuff out every week now. They have a list of stuff that they have corrected. I really like the Windows-type, "Are you sure you want to trash this?" message.

You can also add new custom background images in Gmail. I am very sure that this will come in handy if you have (or are) a vagina.

How about Gmail's new UNDO mobile feature? Kinda clunky, but some folks do not ever check their e-mail on their computer at all. I like to call these folks, "MOH-RONS."

Google Toolbar has been updated. Who didn't know about Alt-G, though?

Check out the new Mapmaker thingy. You can add stuff to the Google Maps and complete addresses and stuff in your 'Hood. I added the address, phone number, and e-mail of Kingfish, including the time of day that you can find him at certain places around Jackmalia.

In case you were wondering, Google Search added "Reading Levels" on the sidebar so our President can find stuff to read and stutter about. Solely for his Crackberry, Google added a https: setting especially for Barry Obama that allows the reading level, "Wetbrain."

Here's an update on Google's long awaited OS. The review is less than glowing. If you base your opinions on what I write, just know that Google did NOT let me in the test group for the tablets, so there is THAT.

I have a content post at Paul Mitchell Affiliates called Four Keys to Killer Articles. Check it out when you go over there to register for the Two Dogs Killah Traffic Getting White Paper.

Please take the time to comment.

Drive-by Blogging - Google Links and a Site Update (More Comcast FAIL)

Just so y'all know, Comcast STILL has not delivered the wireless thingy, so I am still having to tether on my Droid X or lay down on the hardwood floor to plug in. Trust me when I say that I have yet to lay down on the floor. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. It has been eight days since the order was placed for wireless internet and tomorrow will be a whole week since the modem was installed. Still no router.

COMCAST FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.

But, whatever. Anyhoo, this has given me ample time to watch traffic shift and to gauge what is going on with the Disqus commenting system and here's what I got on dat!

This is a screengrab of the address line of a click-through from Google Reader. The bottom line shows what the URL looks like when you get to the Feedburner link. The blue "C" button means "Canonical." If you click on that button, you go to the actual page of the post that you clicked through to read rather than the feed page. This is important for linking purposes, so the site or page you link gets the full amount of link juice that you can spray on it.

Therein lies the problem with Disqus. In case you do not notice, on any page that has Disqus comments, there are added characters (#axzz1GF7nn2Vq on the post below this one to recognize my user settings, yours will be different) that link to the Disqus comments that are not hosted on the blog on which they are installed.

So, Disqus adds to the canonical address of the page in order to link the place for comments.

This is notoriously BAD for link juice purposes. So, either you, as a blogger, must request that the site linking to you uses the canonical page or you lose the traffic that comes with NOT having that canonical page linked. Conundrum? Hells to the YEA-UH!!!

The saving grace to that problem is that if you FEED your blog posts to Twittah or FAILbook, with Disqus, you automatically get the links shown as a "Reaction." This is delicious for ranking. Every time you post, you automatically get two links (or more) if you are sharing that feed with your social media sites.

Plus, I love the fact that you can respond directly to each individual comment. WIN!

Not only that, but Disqus allows you to link to images in your comments with a preview. Double WIN! More link juice for everyone!

On to the stuff!!!

Google has now developed a Delicious import tool. With Yahoo running Delicious now, that might become VERY important. Enjoy.

Google also has One Pass for purchases and sales. Anything that makes buying online easier and more secure is a good thing in my book.

A couple of changes happened in Gmail this past week, too. "Smart Labels" were added. I have tried this and threw it out quickly. I get a lot of forwards and Notifications and I just do not like having those sent to different folders. You might want that if your mother is one of those folks that sends BULK e-mails to everyone. Then, you can go into the Bulk E-mail folder once a week or so and grab all of those, read through them quickly, and discard them.

The other Gmail add that IS a fine, fine addition is "Hide Read Labels." This allows you to set the folders that have unread e-mails to SHOW on the navigation bar and those that have no unread e-mails to HIDE. Good job, Google, I have been needing this since I have around 100 labels now.

Google Apps has added smart contacts. I am really looking forward to when our Profiles have all of the different sites under that one umbrella. I wish that You Tube would go ahead and let us change our user names to the same as our Profile name. Yes, new users get that option, but us "Invited" G-Mailers did not get that option once Google bought You Tube. That is why my You Tube user name is something like architect39042 or some other such nonsense.

Picasa has some pretty cool updates, too. Again, let's roll all these things under one umbrella, Google. I want my Blogger blog and Picasa to get even more cozy than they are already.

While we are talking about Blogger, here are some brand new templates that you can peruse. Yes, FREE.

At least we can now add multiple profile photos.

On the You Tube front, THEY. BE. HIRING.

Google is also claiming that Chrome is now faster, more stable, and simpler. I find that hard to believe, but what the Hell do I know? I am a Firefox Fanboi.

Alternate directions for Google Maps on Android. But, sadly, still no "Avoid Ghetto" option.

And while you are stuck in the ghetto, you have more editing options in Docs for your phone. I have never used Docs on my phone, except to open and read, but I am certain that we shall ALL be using it.

Load time problems with Digg and Facebook plug-ins? You better correct that shit or lose readers and money, yo.

Forty-Five new social media resources from Mashable. That will probably be the last time that I link Mashable unless something really big breaks over there. I just cannot deal with their Libtard philosophy anymore. Their batshit craziness over the Wisconsin stupidity sent me packing. I deleted their feed from my Reader and "Unliked" them on FAILbook. When they quit being dumbasses, maybe I'll join back up.

By the way, eighty percent (80%) of my traffic in the past week has come through image search. Think that MEANS something? Maybe that tells you that you had better put some photos on your blogs and sites?

More to come soon. Hopefully, I'll get my router TOMORROW, Comcast!!! If y'all think that I am going to pay for a week of internet that y'all did not deliver, you be dreaming, playa.

Please take the time to comment.

P0wning the Innerwebs - A Teh Google Tutorial

Obviously, the folks at Teh Google took the week off preceding Christmas, then they had to double up this past week. That is always a good thing for me, because I like reading their stuff.

I likes dee internut, bunches and muches. But dude, the past few posts, it is like I am writing War and Freaking Peace. Sorry, I promise I am going to tighten these up a bit AND soon.

HUGE news for You Tube today is that new Speaker of the House John Boehner, immediately upon being sworn in, started releasing stuff on You Tube. Teh Google has nothing but good stuff to say about that. Funny, we had four years of the criminal Democrat Party running the House like a Chicago gangland mafia, now the day that the Republicans take over again, TRANSPARENCY!!!

No more Democrat Fight Club. Of course, their Fight Club would be nothing but a bunch of limp-wristed slap fighting.

On my affiliates blog, I have some pretty good traffic tips this week, with a link to some really good PR building software. If you have not signed up for my e-mailings, you should do it over there. I am still working on the danged lightbox sign-up thingy. You can just hit the "X" at the top to close it.

Here is a quick traffic generating post for y'all, too. If you are like me, you blog for the conversation. Conversations are hard to have by yourself, you know?

When we went live over on the other blog, I started earnestly looking for How To sites. Oddly, I have never really done that. If you have a Blogger blog, here are some new templates from The Link Medic. There are quite a few really good technology sites on the web dealing with blogging. I think that you'll find this resource invaluable if you want to build your blog to bigger and better stuff.

Teh Google releases their top posts on their own blogs for 2010. I wonder how difficult it is to find your top posts if you are Teh Google and you have all the technology in the world?

Copyblogger has their Best of 2010.

Daily Blog Tips has their Best of 2010.

Ever since FAILbook a-sploded, everyone is keeping an eye out for the next HUGE thing. Mashable posts their Top Ten to watch in 2011. Mashable also had a post a while back on how to market your small business with ZERO MONEY. That is exactly what we want for our personal blogs, huh?

SEOmoz has Five SEO Tactics to Explore in 2011.

You know what is really stunning to me? Looking around to see the major payers that were HUGE two years ago that are not around anymore. Here are the Web 2.0 Awards 2008 Winners from SEOmoz. The Social Media mainstays numbers one and two kinda swapped places, plus number three Bebo will let you sign in with a FAILbook log in now.

But, on the Social News - The Big Guys division, del.icio.us was number one in 2008 and today Yahoo is debating whether or not to shut it down. This could be devastating to the information loops that have developed on del.icio.us. From what I read, no where on Earth can we find a better search wheel tool. Better get those links off of the service soon, here's how.

In case you were wondering, yes Teh Google did give out some Christmas presents. Downloadable custom web analytics reports. You wanna know what your site is doing and why? Here ya go.

Google Operating System has their Teh Google predictions for 2011. If Teh Google does half of this stuff, they might make a bunch of money. Oh...wait...

Here is a Buzz debate on the future of Picasa this year. And also the first PLUS argument that I have seen for Internet Explorer in quite some time.

Weird that someone is hawking IE when Chrome just got Voice Search, huh?

Teh Google Docs Viewer just added spreadsheets. Good move.

Teh Google Mobile has a sneak peak at Honeycomb, Android 3.0. Personally, I really have no use for a slate/tablet/chick magnet. I like my laptop with a Droid X just fine, thanks.

Google Operating System has some shots of Honeycomb in action. Okay, maybe my above comment was a tad too hasty, might have to walk that one back a bit.

Did y'all know that President Obama might have done something to crush the online marketing industry and we did not even hear about it? Click through Jeremy's link to the Joe Lilly article. Dude, I might be shutting down my business if we do not hurry up and get this buffoon out of the White House, soon. Can anyone point to anything the President has done that was NOT idiotic?

Get a fresh start this year with AdSense. Folks, even if you do not want to attempt to make a danged living with your website, the ads actually help those folks that DO. And you can check your earnings right from Firefox, too.

Here are the stats on folks buying digital products, by the way.

Why did I say that YOU putting AdSense on your site helping others? There are numerous reasons for doing it, but the main one is Capitalism. When you add those Leaderboards and ad blocks to your site, you are making a statement that I believe in to the utmost.

PROFIT IS GOOD.

What it all boils down to is that we enjoy our little online family and the interaction that we have daily. If we notice those ads on our friends sites, we can take those few seconds to drop a few coins into their coffers by checking out the offers. It is not unlike window shopping with our buddies.

And now the fun part. We want MORE buddies, right? That means traffic, y'all.

We can apply the very same tactics to grab traffic as PepsiCo and BP, even though we are simply placing our lives on the webbynets. The very same methods that they use are the ones that we can use to get more buddies.

We have to BRAND our stuff. point in case, y'all come here to read my rants on how stupid Democrats are and what the Four Letter is NOT doing to keep me from the College Gameday top slot. i try to rank on Teh Google for certain keywords that will increase my traffic and grow the fambly. I use Teh Google Analytics to find out where those folks come from when they get here and to know where they go to when they leave. Teh Google Analytics links to a post on advanced Analytics Visitor Segments that tells us more than we can possibly know about the folks that came to our place.

Plus, we can use our social media profiles to drive even more people to our blogs. Here is a list of the TOP 101 Social Media Sites. Didn't know there were 101 social media sites in the world, didja?

There is another way to grab more traffic, too. Entireweb Search Engine.

I have been hitting and missing for the past six months on hooking up every single one of these start-ups. How's my traffic? 505,241 pages views right this minute, since July 4th 2010. Did my content change at all from before then? Not that I can tell other than throwing the NUDE posts in and starting the Teh Google stuff. Minor changes = explosion in traffic. Have I changed at all? Lord, I hope not just because traffic went crazy.

Anyhoo, I changed the look of the blog, cleaned things up a bit, made it MO' pretty and worked on the branding somewhat. I am still going to fix the pages menu at the top and add a Favicon to the headers. How about some ideas on the LOOK of the Favicon?

Next, I am going to work through these 125 tips for building a smoking brand! Does anyone object to more "Your MoM" branding? Do those jokes get old? Not for me, let me roll over and ask Your MoM. SEE?!?!?!?!

By the way, y'all, if y'all have any questions on stuff like these links, hit me up in the e-mail, I'll see if I can find an answer for y'all.

And HAPPY TRAFFIC.

Please take the time to comment.

Teh Google, Blogging, Traffic, and Whatnot (UPDATED!!!)

UPDATE: I signed up for this allegedly incredible list building thingy and I have to get three people to sign up within the first three days to E-X-P-L-O-D-E my list. Go sign up here, and confirm your membership. I'll let you know how it works, in a couple of days. (No, I do not get paid for that, either.)

Man, at year's end, Teh Google starts blasting out some stuff and then NOTHING for a week, but ignore that, first things first...

Wordpress has some critical issues going on. Of course, I do not technically self-host all of my Wordpress blorgs, so my hosting company done got me fixed up.

Just checking, but did you run over to my business site and sign up for the e-letziner on blogging, traffic, making oo-koodles of money and stuff? If not, click through and sign-up on the little pop-up thingy. No, it is not spammy at all. It is one of the first tricks that I finally figured out. I am almost certain that I can do it on this blarq too, but I have never tried. Should I?

In case you are not reading my Online Marketing Blerk, here is a post that we did on basic BEFORE the traffic stuff. Check it out, link the post, share the post, subscribe to the blauk, and send me money! And as long as you are dying to send me money, check out that shiny new "recommended" thingy on the top of the sidebar.

Now...on to Teh Google SHOW!!!

Blogger has really upped their game this year. I have been using this platform for almost six years now and it has never been better. Here are the upgrades to Blogger from 2010.

In case you are trying to put some rudimentary SEO in place on your Blogger blork, SEO starts in the post title. Watch...



As long as we are talking about blogging and getting traffic, please always keep in mind that CONTENT IS KING.

By the way, the old Keyword Tool is being taken down. Of course, here is the new keyword tool, but use the old one for as long as you can because I think that it is a little better.

SEOmoz likes to use You Tube for keywords as well. This makes assloads of sense, too, since You Tube and FAILbook are the main sites on the 'net right now.

SEOmoz also has six news SEO tools for us to play with. Honestly, I have not used any of them, but I have never been lead awry by SEOmoz, ever.

SEOmoz also dips into our Teh Google pool and reviews some of Teh Google's SEO stuff. I have started my Teh Google Wonder Wheel video and if you will go sign-up to get my SPAMMY news-ezine-email thingy, you will get first blush on my take on the Wonder Wheel.

While we are yapping about traffic and SEO, why don't you go ahead and add your Teh Google Analytics to your Teh iGoogle page?

As long as we have ANALytics (heh) on the brain, why not check out this video about AddThis's ANALytics (heh)?



If you recall, I just said that FAILbook and You Tube were getting all the traffic, I forgot to add Twittah, Linked In, and StumbleUpon. If you want all my data, hit up my QR Code on the sidebar.

Speaking of FAILbook, do you want to do that profile photo hack thingy? Mashable has yet another way to handle that. (Isn't that Kim Jong-il further down the page? His profile photo is BANGING!!!)

Teh Official Google Blog has a post of the latest from Teh Google Labs. Most of these things are stuff that we have already covered here, but you cannot expect Teh Google to be MORE up to date on Teh Google than I am...

Do you use Teh Chrome browser? Got some of them links, too!

Lovely Charts for Teh Chrome.

Here is a file sharing extension for Teh Chrome called Ge.tt. Seriously, Rapidshare just got their nuts kicked in. Free pr0n for everybody!!!

I tried to get me one of those test Chrome laptops about a month ago. I just found out that I would be slamming the thing against the concrete if I get one. You cannot use a jump-drive on it without an act of Congress. Of course, that makes total sense if everything you are doing is in the cloud. But, how are we going to get our stuff IN THE CLOUD to begin with?

Maybe if everyone else is using a desktop and we are all connected on Salesforce Chatter, all will be well?

I was looking back at Tech 2010 and ran across these start-up logos. Really? Foursquare started in 2010? Seems like it has been around since I was BORN!!!

Since I am getting ready to launch thousands of e-books this next year, I found a great e-book cover tutorial. If you want me to make yours, e-mail me and we'll work something out.

And you know that I'll be nekkid when I am making that e-book cover, too. Mainly because I learned from the Mistress of Working Nekkid.

Before we sign off, what would Wednesday be without a Rule 5 or Humpday Hottie post?

Just so you know, I am going to pump out some good e-book content in 2011, so get you something to gnaw on those books with!!!

Please take the time to comment.

The Late Teh Google Posting Post!!!

With the onslaught of Christmas cheer and visiting with family, I simply forgot to post Teh Google updates and weekly gifty-gifts yesterday. Well, that seems par for the course on this pinnacle of mediocrity, amirite?

Let's get to it, folks, I got a family to upset and arguments to start for Christmas.

First things first. Before the beginning of 2011, you need to set up a Terms of Service page and a Privacy Policy page for your website. Do not skip this, just go do it. There are changes coming to the Webbynets because of the criminal Democrats in DC. Both services are free and easily completed. Fill in the blanks, it is Barry Obama proof, even.

Here is an additional Terms submitter page.

By the way, you need to print these out and keep them with the rest of your blogging business paperwork. If you are on Firefox, here is a Print PDF add on so you can keep a digital copy as well.

Also, the Democrats are going to screw you if you take music from someone and do not pay for it. Check out these tips for LEGAL music usage. You know, this blogging thing used to be so much fun, but it only took the Democrats since 2007 to really screw it up.

Plus, since the Democrats are destroying business, wealth, and freedom at a very rapid pace, we small businessmen and women have to adapt, adjust, hide, sneak, and plunder in order to rake a small amount of jack to the hizzouse.

Teh Google has compiled the stuff that we asked for them to provide.

The main thing that we are going to have to do this year is find people to buy our stuff online. That starts with Search Engine Optimization (SEO). Here is a basic glossary of SEO terms.

SEO Book put together a great graphic on exactly how Teh Google processes search terms. Print it out, post it on your wall, and memorize it.

Set realistic goals for what you want to accomplish in 2011. If you want to go from forty hits a day to over 2000 a day, that is NOT unreasonable. Do you know how I know? I did it with a very limited effort in 2010. ON. THIS. BLOG.

In case you were wondering where you can get loads of free traffic, try that social media behemoth, FAILbook. Stick a "SHARE" button on everydamnedthing. Here's who's sharing our stuff. ME.

Then, learn Teh Google's Webmaster Tools. Make you a folder and start saving these Tips posts.

Seriously, here is a tip straight from Teh Google Webmaster Blorx. I have read it threeve times already and STILL do not have a clue what it says. Wikileaks Task Force?

The Webmasters Blorx also has tips for Non-Profits.

The main thing that we need to learn to understand is organic traffic. Yes, we are going to keep getting our friends to the site, but we have to grow the family. Since Yahoo is scaling back Delicious, you better grab all the data you can from the service while it stills lives and breathes.

Plus, if you offer goods and services from a typical local business, claim your listing on Teh Google Places, NOW. This FREE service has sent me some pretty good traffic over the last few weeks since I started using it. Of course, that traffic is there for ME to convert to money and I have been failing miserably at it, but I promise I am going to do better.

And while we are talking about using Teh Google's free stuff to get you an online presence, let's watch Teh Google Sites at work.



Folks, we have to get really creative in 2011 in order to survive the Democrat attack on the population. You do not want to starve, do you?

Google Analytics has added page specific stats. If you have a Google Account, you can sign in with it to get your Analytics code for your site.

I have decided to play around with getting backlinks from some unusual places. The Examiner offers some online publication in niche markets and I signed up for the green building niche on my business site. I guess I need to start posting some articles about how stupid green building technology is so I can get cut off immediately.

Also, I have signed up to make Your MoM a Teh Google News Site and they keep sending me more and more hoops to jump through. The Privacy Policy was one, the Terms Policy was another, now they want me to meta-tag my stuff...

Teh Google News gives us some tips on meta information to include with our stuff to keep folks from stealing it. Believe me, I never thought in a million years that someone would lift some of my posts word-for-word, but it has happened. Dumb. But true.

2010 was a H-U-G-E year for Teh Google Docs. Here is a list of their accomplishment this past year. I would like to be able to take credit for all that junk, but Hell, I cannot even get them to move the damned SPAM button away from the ARCHIVE button in G-Mail.

Here's yet another post on the new interface for Teh Google Docs. In the past month, they have upgraded the interface four times of which I am aware. Each time it gets better exponentially.

Now, revisions in spreadsheets. Are you still using Lotus Notes? FOOL.

Do you want to see what you can do with Teh Google Docs? Watch...



Here is another video about another Teh Google product interface. They have updated the AdSense interface AGAIN. I swear that I am going to start calling them, "Google Claus."

When you consider that with the introduction of Android, normal people are starting to use their phones for more than just talking, you might want to start developing your website for mobile web, too. Yes, I realize that you do not want to do business with people that use the iPhone, but you might just have to do that until it goes the way of the iMac.

Oh, why not just go ahead and make you an Android App, too?

Plus, tying that Teh Google Local into the phoney-phone, you need to start using Hotpot and rating stuff. This is a sooper-dooper targeted search capability. People are moving around LOOKING for your product. You simply cannot do any better than that, yo. Better put that SEO knowledge to work, huh?

In addition to using the FREE! Teh Google services, you might want to look into using other services that are gobbling up traffic hand over fist. Posterous has started e-mail lists. Every guru on Earth has said, "The money is in the list" in one form or another.

Tumblr has been called many things over the last year, but The Best Of is one title that keeps cropping up. Check out my architecture Tumblr HERE.

Wanna make that wacky-wild FAILbook profile thingy? There are many different ways, check FAILBOOKING, or FBCrop, and even TechCrunch has video. Yeah, I did it for ONE DAY. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Mashable has the specs to update your Twitter profile for the "new" interface. Are you using the new interface? I use Seesmic Web, so I do not. Tell me if you are, so I can update my little place on the Twitterverse if you want it.

Speaking of Twittah, Embedly is a really cool feature for linking on Twittah. I am not really sure how that Readon.ly is going to work because it doesn't shorten the Tweet. Wikileaks Task Force?

Captious Nut at Marginalizing Morons sent this link to some Teh Google Chrome extensions and features that I did not know about. The Resources page is great!

By the way, if you make more than twenty grand online, the Democrats have added a new 1099-K form that you will have to file. Vote those bastards out every chance you get, please?

Just so you know, if you are in New York, need a job, and can do some webbynet kinda junk, Teh Google is looking for you. Plus, they bought a building where you will work.

In case you were unaware, Christmas is just around the Friday. You better get busy making a gingerbread house. OUT. OF. MEAT.



If I do not see you before Saturday, Murry ChrimmaHanaKwanzica.

Please take the time to comment.

Weekly Interweb News and Teh Google

When I first started my traffic studies, I was averaging between 400 and 450 page views daily. I have also blocked (from the traffic stats) the IPs of almost sixty people, too. About twenty of those IPs were spammer IPs and there are maybe forty people that regularly contact me and comment on this blog, so I knew that I did not want to count those folks, because they are NORMS!!! No, none of them are Cliffs. Maybe we have a Woody or a Coach, but no Cliffs.

What we are seeing here in this graph is one month after I jumped on the cellphone-tits-soccer-girl from Paraguay. This week in June is the first time that traffic got back to normal (for a whole week) after that nutzville. Still, six months after that craziness, we are perched at number six for "larissa riquelme nude," so we are solid for that term. Like that makes us some money or something. If there is one thing that you can take to the bank, it is that dudes looking for NEKKID chicks are not going to buy anything. They are looking for chick meat, pure, plain, and simple. I guess if you ran a pr0n site that would do you some good.

Anyhoo, after seeing what could be done with very targeted KEYWORDS to boost traffic, I continued to kick up the NUDES, but started playing with legitimate search strings. So far my spreadsheet has 114 keywords for which I have tried to rank. I have hit the first page of Teh Google on almost every, single one. I have missed on less than three percent (3%), which I think is stellar.

Not only did I discover that it is relatively easy to rank on Teh Google for something, but I also learned that you can make some good blog friends by sending some really noticeable traffic over a short period of time. This helps to develop an alliance with folks that are in your area of expertise or interest and can get some really good backlinks. Odd, people like when you send them some traffic.

Now that we have developed a theory of traffic driving, it has to be tested on more targeted websites instead of just my personal blog. After this holiday weekend, I am going to work diligently on developing my two business blogs and one other site that I am involved with. On one of the business blogs, I am going to chronicle the traffic and link building of the other two sites, as well as the studies that I am doing here. If you are remotely interested in watching that, WIN or FAIL, the only way to get that info is to sign up for the PMD Newsletter. You can do that at the pop-up on my Paul Mitchell Design website. When you put your info in that box, it comes straight to my business e-mail address, it does NOT go through an autoresponder or any kind of spammer crap. Yes, I built that pop-up MYSELF!!! Dammit, I enjoy doing stuff like that.

Speaking of building stuff like pop-ups and thingies, Teh Google has a page called "Elements" that allows you to plop some cool stuff on your site. I got the new site search box from this page. Yes, the site search works swimmingly for me. I must be a narcissist to keep searching for stuff on my own blorque.

Another page that Teh Google has that was an integral part of building my traffic to the current level was "Insights for Search." For a brick and mortar store, Insights is a great tool for local traffic. Remember, the phone book is DEAD.

For more Search Engine Optimization, you really need to grab some tools that can help you. If you are like me, you want those tools to be free, too. Try these SEO toolbars and add-ons for Firefox. They are very useful and free.

Here is a new SEO plug-in for Wordpress called "Yoast." It is still in Beta, so if you like playing with stuff and tearing it up, grab this plug-in.

Here are some Webmaster Central tips for controlling Teh Google's crawling of your site. I am going to have to get someone to implement this stuff for me, I ain't that damned good and I'll ruin something.

One of the very next things that I am going to do is to figure out how to rank in Bing. This post actually says that ranking for Bing searches is easier than Teh Google.

By the way, Teh Google Instant has got search history again.

Here is a case study on an AdWords success story.

If you are going to use AdWords, you need to understand the Optimizer, too. The Richard Petty Driving Experience uses it, check out their results. Two words, "Pornostache Beltbuckler."

And just to explain WHY you have to start getting the business clicking on the web, the internet contributes 7.2% of GDP in the United Kingdom. My guess is that percentage is ONLY going to get bigger and bigger. That is probably a very safe bet, too.

Here's a tour of the new AdSense interface. When AdSense is hitting on all cylinders, even NUDE searches net cash. And here are some more insights on the new interface.

Google Affiliate Network has some tips for holiday promotions efficiency.

This past week, Teh Google Apps has been adding existing services to the Apps Suite. Teh Google Finance, Reader, and Blogger, too!

At some point, Teh Google Docs will be as easy as FTP to use. HA! Drag and drop is added.

This last week, Docs also rolled out mobile editing. Of course, the Androids could already do this, albeit, it was a little cumbersome. Here are some tips and tricks.

Here are the Blogger updates for November. Dammit, I am glad that they got that freaking image screw-up fixed. I hated having to add the line breaks manually. Blogger has some more fonts now, too.

Captious Nut, over at Marginalizing Morons, sent me a link to a Blogger widget site that has some good stuff. Please ignore the apostrophe slaughter going on over there, they ain't doing copywriting, you know?

You Tube's automatic captioning is a year old, now. I am weird about that kind of stuff. It took me so long to start extrapolating things and reading lips that captioning drives me crazy sometimes. Well, it is not really a drive per se, it is more like a walk, across a very narrow street.

Here's more on that Howcast Filmmakers Program I told y'all about two weeks ago. YOU, yes, YOU need to be in the movies and the makers of movies.

Mashable has five places that you can find online video to inspire your future movie career.

On temporary bookmarking, with the speed with which the web is changing, and the ridiculous amount of content that I read daily, I am giving Instapaper a try. You should too.

Darren Rowse at Problogger sent out a link to StudioPress that had some great deals on some Wordpress themes. The themes are all top notch and support is offered with all packages. If you are looking to build a Wordpress blog, you could do a lot worse than these themes.

If you liked Teh Google Wave, you'll love Simplybox.

Now, do NOT forget to click through to Paul Mitchell Design and fill in that e-mail form to get the latest traffic study update stuff.

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Teh Google Updates and 'Round the InnerTubes

It's that time of the week and there has been muches and bunches of stuff that has happened since we last spoke. It seems that it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep up with all the stuff that Teh Google is rolling out, too. They must have a bunch of stuff in the works and unlimited Benjamins with which to do the rolling out.

Let's get started!

The first thing that I wanted to pass along is the new social media browser that hit the sKreets this past week. I received an invitation to RockMelt and was about to give it a whirl when I saw a post from the most renown technical blogger I know. Basil is trying out RockMelt and will post about it soon. If Basil is not on your reader, you are living in Muslim Times. Enjoy your ignorance.

Technorati released the State of the Blogosphere 2010 this past week. We are NOT number one on the web, either. SHOCKA!!! We do, however, possess an authoritAY of 507 and a rank of 3807. (What the Hell does that mean exactly?)

As long as we are not totally on Teh Google, why not check out some Firefox add-ons to enhance TEH GOOGLE!!! Some of these skins are tres cool, too. Technology is so very KEEN. (What the Hell does that mean exactly, too?)

Next up, if you are a HUGE online business magnet like me, then you have certainly done your homework on Teh Google Local. You know that the phonebook is utterly dead and you know that if you are looking for something, you just go to Teh Google. There is a new Teh Google ratings portal called Hotpot that they are pushing. Go sign up and help the cause. Who knows, if we all start using it, and never use the phonebook, we might save some trees and they can suck up all that CO^2 that is causing man-made global warming. Plus, if we end man-made global warming, there will be no reason to have "Progressives" anymore. You did not know that it was the phonebook's fault for that, didja?

Teh Google Website Optimizer has come in handy these past few weeks as we ramp up traffic to ridiculous levels. You should optimize your site, too. For some reason, that sounds kinda filthy when I just typed it.

Here are some keyboards shortcuts to help out with Teh Google Instant. Search is getting awesomatic again!

Well, everywhere other than at Ask.com.

But, at the same time, you get a new feature, you lose a few features. I think that is a feature bug. Get it? A feature bug, I am belly laughing right now.

G-Mail's homepage has gotten an upgrade of sorts. Since I rarely see the log-in screen because I never get off the interblarqs, that kinda doesn't apply to me.

AdSense has got a new interface as well. In Teh Google's e-mail to us POWAH USERS today, they said, "Last week we began rolling out the new AdSense interface in beta to all of our publishers, and wanted to let you know that it has been enabled for your account. Inspired by direct feedback from you, our publishers, the new interface includes features designed to help you make more money with AdSense by giving you more actionable performance data, offering you more control over the ads that appear on your sites, and helping you manage your account more efficiently. The new interface makes it easy to quickly see your earnings and payment information, find relevant features, and make changes to your account." In related news, I made ZERO dollars today on AdSense. Thanks, y'all. Christmas is going to be awesome for all the needy children I sponsor. I'll tell them that y'all said that they were fat and didn't need any more FOOD for Christmas. Last year, Little Timmy cried when I gave him a loaf of bread and a hunk of Velveeta.

At least Teh Google AdSense now has a Polack blog, though. Insert your own "At least the Polacks HAVE a computer, unlike those Religion of Peacers" humor here.

By the way, Teh Google Boost, the local ad platform is rolling out to new United States cities. Sadly, Mayonnaise Farm, Kentucky, where I am right now, did NOT make the cut of new rolling out cities.

In You Tube news, they keep upgrading the Chrome stuff for the service. This week is no exception. How about Turn Off the Lights and Feeds?

Or enhanced You Tube Topics Search?

Also at You Tube, Howcast is looking for a vlogger. You know that position is flatout meant for you, too. You look guh-rate on camera, you He/She Devil, you. Your hair be kicking, that looks awesome!

Speaking of films and videos and how much you need to be in them, Picasa now hosts HD video right next to your photos that are the best that I have ever seen. When you were through with modeling school did you get an advanced degree in photography? Your photos are amazing. REALLY.

Here are some Teh Google Doc RULER tips. Personally I think that rulers are the sexiest thing on any program. Have you ever seen them in Paint.Net? Man, they are almost pr0n!!!

Docs auto-corrections, LaTeX in equations, and images in cells. Oh, you are still using MS Office? Rube.

More stuff at the Apps Marketplace. Ming.ly looks like what I need to manage my stuff. If y'all had been clicking on the damned AdSense, I would be using that right this minute. Thanks...

Teh Google Search App for Windows phones. I am glad to see yet another phone OS and the requisite hardware that is better than an iPhone.

Enhancements for Teh Google News for smartphones. This includes the iPhone, so it is not only for smartphones, but for borderline retarded phones, too.

Speaking of phones that are of no use for normal people, the iPhone App Store (remove your shoes and your ball cap please, you are fucking up our Feng shui) has finally been dragged kicking and screaming into the year 2005 with the addition of a Teh Google Voice App. Who knows, with this addition to the iPhone capability, actual phone calls that are not immediately dropped might be on the horizon by 2013. We'll see.

Oh! Lookit this Big Ass laptop!!!

Last, but certainly not least, if you are finally getting ready to launch your new website or blog, you know the one that is going to be the best site for your photos that are amazing and your videos that are top notch, here are The Eighteen Steps that you need to follow. Add SEOmoz to your reader, too, or at least check out Whiteboard Friday on...um...Friday. You'll learn buttloads of new techie stuff.

I'm number two for "Kate Middleton Nude." Yes, on these ridiculous search strings, I am still 100% for first page rankings in less than three hours. Now, to figure out how to monetize the hot chicks posts. Maybe we can figure out a way to MARRY your awesome video posts to NUDE hot chicks?

If you are using an iPhone, buy a Kindle.

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SEOmoz Affiliate Link

One of the many sources that i have for learning about Search Engine traffic is SEOmoz. They have started an affiliate program and I was one of the very first to leap on that. If you are wanting to figure out how to rank for search terms and drive traffic, there is not a better resource.

Click the image for a taste.

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Driving Traffic, Building a Following, and Owning the Interwebs, Plus Teh Google

While we continued to rack up the traffic for our NUDE bikini chicks posts, we dropped alarmingly in site visit time. At one point about two months ago, visit time had dropped to less than forty seconds per page view. Not good. We are back up to 1:34 per load now. That is much more acceptable, although it is cool as all get out when that length jumps up around three or four minutes for the day.

Also, since this traffic experiment starting with little planning on our Rima Fakih NUDE post, we have reached number one on Teh Google for every single keyword we attempted. So far, I have tried twenty-two different phrases and not one have we missed the number one slot. I guess I should do the same stuff for College Gameday!!! (As a disclaimer, I have not done anything over the top for College Gameday because I want that to be a solely organic hit on our weekend scoreboard posts. So far, we are not too far off on that.)

Also, during this period, we have picked up a total of twenty-four new Teh Google Blog Followers, almost fifty e-mail subscribers, and have stabilized at 138 RSS subscribers. I am still not too convinced that Feedburner's RSS stats are right. The biggest fluctuation I get on a daily basis is about six adds or subtracts. Dude, remember when we lost over 60-80 in one day?

I make no bones about trying to put together a money making outfit on Teh InterBlarx lately. Architecture got shot in DEEZ NUTZ when y'all elected Barry Obama.

By the way, I added the Pay Pal "Donation" button a little over a week ago and wanted to say a Hell's YEAH! Thank you folks for dropping your hard earned dust on poor little ol' me. That is very humbling to receive the kicks from y'all. I appreciate it in buckets. If I ever miss the Thank You to anyone, send me an F-Bomb e-mail and I'll return that cash POST HASTE. My Grandmother would kick my ass if I missed the Thank You note.

Now, lemme tell y'all how I got so interested in this stuff. I got a direct message on Twittah one night from an internet marketer asking why I did not return the add. It kinda shocked me because those marketers add me all the time and I never added them and a few days later, they would dump me. When dude called me out, I checked out his site and started reading everything. I found a few links and ran across a bunch of FREE!!! information on Blorking and Making Dust Blorking.
The amount of the information that I have consumed in a very short time is mind boggling. I have studied this stuff minimally three hours a day for quite some time. Yes, I have freaking bags under my eyes, too.

But, dammit, this stuff is interesting as all get out, too.

Since I started paying attention to what I was actually doing, traffic to my business site has picked up, too. If you could benefit from Local Traffic to your website, you should pay attention to Google Places. I added a Lexington listing to my Places thingy yesterday and am going to keep a close eye on my ranking. Please keep in mind, I am NOT spending one single cent for the traffic right now. Teh Google has already sent me two hundred and fifty bucks of ad credit, too. I have not used a single dime. I have not used any of their tags, either.

For some reason, Teh Google is throwing free advertising around like nuts right now. How much do you think one of these billboards would help your local business?

Let's just be honest about the future of business. You know that the economy is really on a back-sliding path and there is very little we can do about that for a while. Not only that, but the debt that our country is saddled with is going to keep us down for a damned long time. We have to find new sources of income.

Also, when you really think about how we do business, find someone to engage us in that business, and ultimately close that business, we do not search for our partners the same way that we did just ten years ago. We "Google" shit. No longer is our competition just Hank down the road, we are competing against Bhaji in India.

We have to adjust, too. We have to pay close attention to the changes that occur almost daily with the Google algorithms. We just got that "Instant Search" thingy and now, Teh Google is trying out a FULL PAGE PREVIEW!

So, here we go. If we have a typical storefront, brick and mortar widget shop, we now have to become masters of the INTERBLARGS. That is the new yellow pages. We have to have Facebook pages and groups, a Twitter account, You Tube, etc. And we have to produce killer content for all of them. Twitter and Facebook have their own tips and tricks for driving traffic, but You Tube has gone all in for marketing. We are back to metadata, tags, and annotations on our VIDEO!

You know what you need? How the Web Works. We gotta just stop, back up, and learn all of the terminology. Free video lesson stuff.

Then we have to start all over with the way things are set up on our blogs and sites.

And of course, our blogs have to be monetized to the hilt. Obama has killed traditional means of income making, y'all.

And networking is vital to our success. Building your contacts and your online community is the new cold calling.

Search Engine Optimization is another tool that must be mastered.

Traditional methods of lead generation are probably going to help you in your quest to fight back against Obamanomics, but some methods of online deal closing are different and tactics are not the same.

While I am thinking about it, the comment reply and subscription thingy is really important now that fewer and fewer people are actually surfing blogs rather than reading the feed. This tip is specifically for those of you on Wordpress, add "Subscribe to Comments" plug-in. There is also a plug-in for Threaded Comments. If you want that one, too, just hit me up and I'll see if I can find it. Mayor, I'm talking to you. If you want to see it in action, check this out. The cool thing about this comment threading is that the administrator can actually see how many subscribers (and their info, too) to the comment thread there are. That is helpful to see what kind of posts get more interest.

Wordpress has also added SMS Notifications and Controls. I am not sure that this will be helpful for much longer when my phone has a danged 64" screen almost and my browser is almost as big on it as the laptop. Plus, the phone is blazing fast, too.

Oh, speaking of the RSS readers, this reader theme is pretty cool. Gotta have Greasemonkey, though.

I gotta mention this post from Basil. Resize a bunch of images at the same time using Picasa. Dude, I wish I had this info when I started my Tumblr because I decided that I was going to use the same dimensions on all the images.

If you use Google Chrome, they added instant search to the address bar. Folks, it is becoming a full-time job keeping up with all the advancements that are coming out.

I noticed this in my G-Mail the other day. Rather than actually exposing yourself to a website to unsubscribe, Teh Google will do it for you!!!

Here's a quick post explaining sharing on Teh Google Docs. This can come in handy for doling out information to all your peeps. you can have different pricing sheets for different clients. You know, if you are doing business with one of those Ole Miss Black Bears, you can give them access to the gouging prices.

As a kinda throw away link, if you have an iPod Shuffle like a certain friend of mine, these headphones look like they would be wicked-awesome.

Sorry that I have been remiss in doing the three videos that I have promised. I am certainly going to handle that this weekend. I got one on Teh Google Docs, one on the proxy for the scoreboard, and hopefully I'll get to the surprise one if I have time.

OBAMA SUCKS.

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