Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Late Teh Google Posting Post!!!

With the onslaught of Christmas cheer and visiting with family, I simply forgot to post Teh Google updates and weekly gifty-gifts yesterday. Well, that seems par for the course on this pinnacle of mediocrity, amirite?

Let's get to it, folks, I got a family to upset and arguments to start for Christmas.

First things first. Before the beginning of 2011, you need to set up a Terms of Service page and a Privacy Policy page for your website. Do not skip this, just go do it. There are changes coming to the Webbynets because of the criminal Democrats in DC. Both services are free and easily completed. Fill in the blanks, it is Barry Obama proof, even.

Here is an additional Terms submitter page.

By the way, you need to print these out and keep them with the rest of your blogging business paperwork. If you are on Firefox, here is a Print PDF add on so you can keep a digital copy as well.

Also, the Democrats are going to screw you if you take music from someone and do not pay for it. Check out these tips for LEGAL music usage. You know, this blogging thing used to be so much fun, but it only took the Democrats since 2007 to really screw it up.

Plus, since the Democrats are destroying business, wealth, and freedom at a very rapid pace, we small businessmen and women have to adapt, adjust, hide, sneak, and plunder in order to rake a small amount of jack to the hizzouse.

Teh Google has compiled the stuff that we asked for them to provide.

The main thing that we are going to have to do this year is find people to buy our stuff online. That starts with Search Engine Optimization (SEO). Here is a basic glossary of SEO terms.

SEO Book put together a great graphic on exactly how Teh Google processes search terms. Print it out, post it on your wall, and memorize it.

Set realistic goals for what you want to accomplish in 2011. If you want to go from forty hits a day to over 2000 a day, that is NOT unreasonable. Do you know how I know? I did it with a very limited effort in 2010. ON. THIS. BLOG.

In case you were wondering where you can get loads of free traffic, try that social media behemoth, FAILbook. Stick a "SHARE" button on everydamnedthing. Here's who's sharing our stuff. ME.

Then, learn Teh Google's Webmaster Tools. Make you a folder and start saving these Tips posts.

Seriously, here is a tip straight from Teh Google Webmaster Blorx. I have read it threeve times already and STILL do not have a clue what it says. Wikileaks Task Force?

The Webmasters Blorx also has tips for Non-Profits.

The main thing that we need to learn to understand is organic traffic. Yes, we are going to keep getting our friends to the site, but we have to grow the family. Since Yahoo is scaling back Delicious, you better grab all the data you can from the service while it stills lives and breathes.

Plus, if you offer goods and services from a typical local business, claim your listing on Teh Google Places, NOW. This FREE service has sent me some pretty good traffic over the last few weeks since I started using it. Of course, that traffic is there for ME to convert to money and I have been failing miserably at it, but I promise I am going to do better.

And while we are talking about using Teh Google's free stuff to get you an online presence, let's watch Teh Google Sites at work.

Folks, we have to get really creative in 2011 in order to survive the Democrat attack on the population. You do not want to starve, do you?

Google Analytics has added page specific stats. If you have a Google Account, you can sign in with it to get your Analytics code for your site.

I have decided to play around with getting backlinks from some unusual places. The Examiner offers some online publication in niche markets and I signed up for the green building niche on my business site. I guess I need to start posting some articles about how stupid green building technology is so I can get cut off immediately.

Also, I have signed up to make Your MoM a Teh Google News Site and they keep sending me more and more hoops to jump through. The Privacy Policy was one, the Terms Policy was another, now they want me to meta-tag my stuff...

Teh Google News gives us some tips on meta information to include with our stuff to keep folks from stealing it. Believe me, I never thought in a million years that someone would lift some of my posts word-for-word, but it has happened. Dumb. But true.

2010 was a H-U-G-E year for Teh Google Docs. Here is a list of their accomplishment this past year. I would like to be able to take credit for all that junk, but Hell, I cannot even get them to move the damned SPAM button away from the ARCHIVE button in G-Mail.

Here's yet another post on the new interface for Teh Google Docs. In the past month, they have upgraded the interface four times of which I am aware. Each time it gets better exponentially.

Now, revisions in spreadsheets. Are you still using Lotus Notes? FOOL.

Do you want to see what you can do with Teh Google Docs? Watch...

Here is another video about another Teh Google product interface. They have updated the AdSense interface AGAIN. I swear that I am going to start calling them, "Google Claus."

When you consider that with the introduction of Android, normal people are starting to use their phones for more than just talking, you might want to start developing your website for mobile web, too. Yes, I realize that you do not want to do business with people that use the iPhone, but you might just have to do that until it goes the way of the iMac.

Oh, why not just go ahead and make you an Android App, too?

Plus, tying that Teh Google Local into the phoney-phone, you need to start using Hotpot and rating stuff. This is a sooper-dooper targeted search capability. People are moving around LOOKING for your product. You simply cannot do any better than that, yo. Better put that SEO knowledge to work, huh?

In addition to using the FREE! Teh Google services, you might want to look into using other services that are gobbling up traffic hand over fist. Posterous has started e-mail lists. Every guru on Earth has said, "The money is in the list" in one form or another.

Tumblr has been called many things over the last year, but The Best Of is one title that keeps cropping up. Check out my architecture Tumblr HERE.

Wanna make that wacky-wild FAILbook profile thingy? There are many different ways, check FAILBOOKING, or FBCrop, and even TechCrunch has video. Yeah, I did it for ONE DAY. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Mashable has the specs to update your Twitter profile for the "new" interface. Are you using the new interface? I use Seesmic Web, so I do not. Tell me if you are, so I can update my little place on the Twitterverse if you want it.

Speaking of Twittah, Embedly is a really cool feature for linking on Twittah. I am not really sure how that is going to work because it doesn't shorten the Tweet. Wikileaks Task Force?

Captious Nut at Marginalizing Morons sent this link to some Teh Google Chrome extensions and features that I did not know about. The Resources page is great!

By the way, if you make more than twenty grand online, the Democrats have added a new 1099-K form that you will have to file. Vote those bastards out every chance you get, please?

Just so you know, if you are in New York, need a job, and can do some webbynet kinda junk, Teh Google is looking for you. Plus, they bought a building where you will work.

In case you were unaware, Christmas is just around the Friday. You better get busy making a gingerbread house. OUT. OF. MEAT.

If I do not see you before Saturday, Murry ChrimmaHanaKwanzica.

Please take the time to comment.


CaptiousNut said...

Great stuff in their PM!

I was just about to go to bed and you hit me with this homework assignment...

robot said...

Thanks Meany! Linking as I type. Merry Christmas!

Andy said...

Mur Crimmus, Dude!

Have a Gooble of a day, okay?

The Mayor said...

And a Murry ChrimmaHanaKwanzica to you, too!

Paul Mitchell said...

Murr Chrimmus, Y'all.