Because I have not yet pissed off the ENTIRE world today, I thought I should share relationship advice. Having been in so damn many, you simply know that I have experience, too.
I have a friend that is having marital troubles. We ALL have marital troubles. The first questions that are always asked are "What happened?" and "What are you going to do?" Lemme answer those, quickly.
What happened is YOU FAILED at being a partner. It is your damn fault. Everyone always says stupid shit like, "Relationships are 50/50" yet they are LYING. Relationships are 100/100, foo'. Relationships have to be a contest, and the winner will always know they won, too. If the relationship is ending, it is YOUR fault. Can you correct it? Of course you can, but you have to make the decision to quit being a failure at your relationship.
There must be a reason that you wound up with this person. They made you laugh, they were stable and understanding, they had money, whatever. The reason that you first liked them is usually still there, too. You changed and ruined everything. But, you can fix it.
The way to fix anything is to first recognize that you have a damn problem. YOU have a problem. The other person may never do anything to make things better, but you can. If you want your relationship to work, you will do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to get what you want. Remember, you screwed it up and until you come to that realization, it is not going to work.
What are you going to do to save that relationship? Glad you asked, write these down.
Step One: Apologize.
Step Two: Apologize again.
Step Three: Beg them to forgive you and for them to tell you what you have to do to keep your relationship. Ask them to make a list and follow it daily. Ask for more tasks repeatedly to add to the list. If they do not add to the list themselves, YOU do it. Ask them their opinion of the things that you took the initiative to add. If they do not like them, scratch that from the list and add others. Rinse. Repeat. Indefinitely. Until the end of time.
Step Four: PROFIT!
I have no idea why everyone makes these things so hard, when they are so very, very simple. Anything of value is worth whatever you have to pay for it.
PS: If the partner cheated early in the relationship, dump them, they never wanted it anyway. If they waited years before they cheated, you caused it because you changed, Dummy.
PS Again: By the way, I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.
Please take the time to comment.
Showing posts with label Romance-The Two Dogs Way. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Romance-The Two Dogs Way. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part XVI
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Me: HEY! I can get Viagra really cheap from this website!!
Her: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI, PART XII, PART XIII, PART XIV, PART XV
Please take the time to comment.
Me: HEY! I can get Viagra really cheap from this website!!
Her: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI, PART XII, PART XIII, PART XIV, PART XV
Please take the time to comment.
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Romance-The Two Dogs Way
Friday, February 29, 2008
Marriage is Hard
These people are my friends and they are absolutely wonderful folks. They have shown me that marriage does dissolve the individual into a collective, but it is one of mutual regard, respect and understanding that stems from a genuine caring that takes years to build and develop. Marriage is not easy for most, but the Back family has taught me that it most definitely can be valuable if you make the commitment to always strive to do what is right and moral. I salute y'all and wish you many more years of happiness.
They like Cocker Spaniels. A bunch. And Cocker Spaniels like them. A bunch.
Romance - The Two Dogs Way
Her: Does it seem like we have been married a long time?
Me: No baby, it seems like only thirteen minutes.
Her: That's so swe....
Me: Underwater.
UPDATE: The subject dude of this post sends this in:
I just read your post today. You are too kind and full of surprises. It is nice to know that other people can see the spark we have. To me, that means our genuine feelings for each other must be shining through. I (we) really appreciate the kind words. The Mrs. and I do have a special relationship. I know it sounds cliché, but we really were best friends before we started dating. Outside of my faith, she is the center of my universe and I dare say that I am the center of hers. There is no one else I’d rather spend time with, just hang out with, or confide in. She is my soul mate and my perfect match. I know God brought us together, without a doubt. Yesterday, you were right. I am blessed beyond what I truly deserve. No matter what else goes wrong or whatever trials we face, we have each other and there is no greater blessing on Earth than to have someone to stand beside you at all times.
One thing though, I disagree that you do not deserve it, you made the effort and you earned your reward.
Please take the time to comment.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Mean Ol' Meany Disclaimer and About Page (Updated 12.17.07)

Now, the disclaimer. I consider this site to be what would commonly be known as a COMEDY weblog. I make attempts to be funny and the added bonus is when there is lively debate about something I write or something that I link. I don't care if you get pissed off, just don't drop the F-Bomb. That means that you are stupid and cannot make your point without spiraling into the abyss. Yes, I like comments and I like when people get creative with their thought patterns. You see, it's called imagination and that is where the best stuff originates. You do know that Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone so he wouldn't have to get up from his Warcraft game to get a beer, don't you? His finest quote was this: "I am not one of those hyphenated Americans who claim allegiance to two countries." He was born and raised in Scotland and was awesome because of that one thing that he said. I could have done without his damn telephone forever. My cell phone, well that's a different story, I use about 7500 minutes peak minutes a month.
I usually respond to anyone that posts, that's called manners and I was raised right by a bunch of hillbillies that never fail to make me laugh because of their character traits. I like rednecks because they like me and we understand each other. Some of the most important knowledge that I ever gained came from people that never attended school beyond the eighth grade. They were hard, played hard, worked hard, lived hard, loved hard, and died hard. And never bitched about it either. I respect that and try to live my life the same way, sometimes I fail, but I keep trying.
You may say whatever strikes your little fancy about me, I could not care less, but do not attack anyone else that comments here or posts here unless you know them and y'all are friends going at it in a friendly way. Attack someone that you don't know here at this blog and I will bring down a world of hurt upon you because I am the most viciously loyal person on this planet. You are not even close to being as loyal as I am to my friends, family, and fellow bloggers/readers/commenters. That is my one super-power.
I am forever entangled with an active service member. She is a sizzling hot, intelligent, affectionate, educated, patriotic American. I met her when I was at a college football game, which is my second favorite sports viewing pastime only to professional baseball. I write about sports here, a damn good bit of the time. I am an SEC college football homer, get over it. I am an SEC homer because it is the best conference year after year and no other conference comes close. NEVER mention Hawaii or Boise State or even Mississippi State as a viable BCS team, I do not suffer fools lightly. You will pay dearly.
I work in the building design and construction field. I actually have a degree from Mississippi State University in Architecture. The degree is worth fifty-eight thousand dollars, because that is what it cost me. I learned nothing at all about my chosen field in college. That is where my opinions on college professors were developed. They were idiots that could not work in the private sector, so they stayed in school and became losers. I am not sure which is worse, idiots or losers, but it's a close race and they had all the traits for both.
I am forever amazed by discussions regarding race. I cannot fathom how people can still bring up these issues and it still piss people off. Just today, I heard about THIS. The ref called me "boy." Oh okay, how about asshole, then? Yes, the player was Black and surprise, surprise, WRONG! The referee was Black, too. I guess that was not about race, it was about a football player wanting to be grown up instead, but they never said that the ref was Black on the radio, so immediately I thought that it was a racism thing and laughed and laughed at the lunacy of racism. We are all the same, except for sociopaths.
I am not really sure what I will post from day-to-day, but it will be something that interests me. One thing that really interests me is making fun of people that do and say stupid things. Add to that the fact that there is never a shortage of said people and that gives me plenty on which to blog. Oh, do not get me started on the Clarion-Ledger and I actually pay to read it, too. Damn, I think that I might have to make fun of myself sometime soon.
I try to use correct grammar and terminology. I am not a punctuation freak, but it makes your comments more readable and sometimes I will edit comments for spelling and grammatical errors. Words mean something, folks. I will never refer to someone as an "African American" if they were born here from parents that were born here from parents that were born here,.....you get the gist. You can completely screw up what you are saying by using the wrong terminology. Reverse discrimination is the act of hating someone just like you. Domestic violence is violence on a flight that doesn't leave its country of origin. Get it?
I started a series of posts called Romance-The Two Dogs Way early in my blogging career. These are my favorite posts because they are true conversations that I have had with my significant other. They were with Carla, the wife that I buried in 2004. All were hilarious to me and they will always stay close to the front of my mind because relationships are so much damn fun. All of those posts are HERE. Remember, start at the bottom and work your way up to read them in chronological order.
If you have a question regarding my opinion or a suggestion for a post, please do not hesitate to e-mail me. My e-mail address is posted near the right upper corner on every page of this blog. I respond to every single e-mail I receive even if it is a death threat, which I have received. I like getting those, Bean would probably have a problem with it.
Also, I occasionally post things that appear to have no references. When I do this, it is because I assume that everyone knows exactly what I am talking about. Questions? Ask in the comments or e-mail me for more information, I'll give it. Comments are never moderated or deleted, I let anyone say anything except for the caveat above. Funny thing that I have noticed in my long, long life is that there are very few things that are mutally exclusive. Nothing occurs in a vacuum, well except for a vaccum. There are a myriad of causes for a myriad of effects. Studies and research really need to be studied and researched as a part of the whole, not as the mutually exclusive data that a study or research studies or researches. That made sense to me and I hope it did to you, too.
I find it funny that the word "bloggers" in not in the dictionary on blogger.com. It offers "floggers" as an alternate spelling, which I obviously am one. And I never shave on the weekend, like when the photograph above was taken. Just saying.
Hit 'Em Up!
UPDATE 12.17.07: I have been asked if I blog anywhere under my "real" name. This is the only place that I blog, I have never guest posted anywhere else. I have never made a single cent from blogging and never intend to, no I will not return your money, though. I did get interviewed by Basil one time long ago. HERE's the Interview.
My blog is worth $292,996.26.
How much is your blog worth?
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
The Past of Two Dogs

And no, Carla's eyes were not red, my ma took this picture and she is to photography exactly what she is to cooking, gnut.
Click it to get the big 'un!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Monday, December 26, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part XIV
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: The holidays are just getting so rushed.
Me: I can't tell any difference.
Her: That's because I do all the work.
Me: Yea, that makes sense. Will you get me a cup of coffee?
Her: Sure.
Me: Good 'cause I'm tired from watching you.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI, PART XII, PART XIII
Her: The holidays are just getting so rushed.
Me: I can't tell any difference.
Her: That's because I do all the work.
Me: Yea, that makes sense. Will you get me a cup of coffee?
Her: Sure.
Me: Good 'cause I'm tired from watching you.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI, PART XII, PART XIII
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part XIII
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: I can't wait to get home! (As she drunkenly begins to remove clothing)
Me: There's a police roadblock ahead.
Me: I said there's a police roadblock ahead. (Noticing that she is passed out, damn near naked)
Me: Officer, please don't look at my passenger. She has had a couple of drinks.
Johnny Law: I don't think that her being undressed is going to help you tonight.
Me: I'll just carry her like a six-pack.
Johnny Law: Oh, shit, that's funny. Be careful.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI, PART XII
Her: I can't wait to get home! (As she drunkenly begins to remove clothing)
Me: There's a police roadblock ahead.
Me: I said there's a police roadblock ahead. (Noticing that she is passed out, damn near naked)
Me: Officer, please don't look at my passenger. She has had a couple of drinks.
Johnny Law: I don't think that her being undressed is going to help you tonight.
Me: I'll just carry her like a six-pack.
Johnny Law: Oh, shit, that's funny. Be careful.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI, PART XII
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part XII
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: We have to cut expenses to continue to maintain two households while you're in school.
Me: What do you want me to do?
Her: Maybe you could quit eating steak and seafood at every meal. You know, maybe eat a sandwich occasionally.
Me: But you know that the steak and seafood helps me maintain my extraordinary level of charm.
Her: Yea, we need that, maybe I don't need electricity.
Me: You're the greatest.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI
Her: We have to cut expenses to continue to maintain two households while you're in school.
Me: What do you want me to do?
Her: Maybe you could quit eating steak and seafood at every meal. You know, maybe eat a sandwich occasionally.
Me: But you know that the steak and seafood helps me maintain my extraordinary level of charm.
Her: Yea, we need that, maybe I don't need electricity.
Me: You're the greatest.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X, PART XI
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part XI
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: You know that the first anniversary gift is supposed to be paper, right?
Me: Of course, do you think that I am a dumbass?
Her: Sometimes, but do you know what I want?
Me: Uh, color me clueless. Money?
Her: No, a divorce.
Me: Awesome.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X
Her: You know that the first anniversary gift is supposed to be paper, right?
Me: Of course, do you think that I am a dumbass?
Her: Sometimes, but do you know what I want?
Me: Uh, color me clueless. Money?
Her: No, a divorce.
Me: Awesome.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part X
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: Your mother called while you were gone.
Me: Damn, she probably wants to talk about going to garage sales and other stupid sh*t.
Her: Call your mother back.
Me: Dammit, throw me the damn phone. (She does and it hits me just above the right eye, spewing blood everywhere.)
Me: Gee, thanks.
Her: Are you really hurt?
Me: Blood give it away?
Her: Does it need stitches?
Me: Probably.
Her: Sorry, call your damn mother first.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X
Her: Your mother called while you were gone.
Me: Damn, she probably wants to talk about going to garage sales and other stupid sh*t.
Her: Call your mother back.
Me: Dammit, throw me the damn phone. (She does and it hits me just above the right eye, spewing blood everywhere.)
Me: Gee, thanks.
Her: Are you really hurt?
Me: Blood give it away?
Her: Does it need stitches?
Me: Probably.
Her: Sorry, call your damn mother first.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX, PART X
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part X
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: Your mother called while you were gone.
Me: Damn, she probably wants to talk about going to garage sales and other stupid sh*t.
Her: Call your mother back.
Me: Dammit, throw me the damn phone. (She does and it hits me just above the right eye, spewing blood everywhere.)
Me: Gee, thanks.
Her: Are you really hurt?
Me: Blood give it away?
Her: Does it need stitches?
Me: Probably.
Her: Sorry, call your damn mother first.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX
Her: Your mother called while you were gone.
Me: Damn, she probably wants to talk about going to garage sales and other stupid sh*t.
Her: Call your mother back.
Me: Dammit, throw me the damn phone. (She does and it hits me just above the right eye, spewing blood everywhere.)
Me: Gee, thanks.
Her: Are you really hurt?
Me: Blood give it away?
Her: Does it need stitches?
Me: Probably.
Her: Sorry, call your damn mother first.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII, PART IX
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part IX
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: You don't know how to have a adult conversation, you are so immature.
Me: I thought we were fighting.
Her: No, we were just disagreeing.
Me: Are you putting on weight?
Her: Bastard.
Me: Fatty.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII
Her: You don't know how to have a adult conversation, you are so immature.
Me: I thought we were fighting.
Her: No, we were just disagreeing.
Me: Are you putting on weight?
Her: Bastard.
Me: Fatty.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V, PART VI, PART VII, PART VIII
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part VIII
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part VII
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part VI
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: You know what I want to do?
Me: Worry the ever-loving crap outta me?
Her: No, I was thinking that we would go out on the deck, lay in the sun, and talk.
Me: Yippee! I thought that it would be some exercise in futility. Damn, was I wrong.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V
Her: You know what I want to do?
Me: Worry the ever-loving crap outta me?
Her: No, I was thinking that we would go out on the deck, lay in the sun, and talk.
Me: Yippee! I thought that it would be some exercise in futility. Damn, was I wrong.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V
Monday, September 19, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part V
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Me: Here's the "Dogs" family getting on the elevator in Los Angeles.
Her: And redneck has come to town!
This was from my honeymoon video footage and I almost bust a gut every time I listen. Honestly, it IS the funniest thing that I have ever heard. Great sense of humor, that girl.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV
Me: Here's the "Dogs" family getting on the elevator in Los Angeles.
Her: And redneck has come to town!
This was from my honeymoon video footage and I almost bust a gut every time I listen. Honestly, it IS the funniest thing that I have ever heard. Great sense of humor, that girl.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part IV
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part III
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: What do you think of this dress?
Me: Have you got a garter-belt and stockings on?
Her: No, it's a sundress. You're not supposed to wear one with this.
Me: Oh, in that case, it makes you look fat.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II
Brought to the church as a Covered Dish Special at basil's blog.
Her: What do you think of this dress?
Me: Have you got a garter-belt and stockings on?
Her: No, it's a sundress. You're not supposed to wear one with this.
Me: Oh, in that case, it makes you look fat.
Prior Romance Lessons PART I, PART II
Brought to the church as a Covered Dish Special at basil's blog.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Romance - The Two Dogs Way Ongoing Saga Part II
Excerpt from an actual conversation:
Her: You really don't want a cat?
Me: No, I'm good, but I will take a Budweiser and those hot fries.
Her: But, I want a cat!
Me: Why don't you just sit there and look pretty?
Her: Sometimes I think you ignore me.
Me: And Edmonds goes yard!
Prior Romance Lesson HERE.
Her: You really don't want a cat?
Me: No, I'm good, but I will take a Budweiser and those hot fries.
Her: But, I want a cat!
Me: Why don't you just sit there and look pretty?
Her: Sometimes I think you ignore me.
Me: And Edmonds goes yard!
Prior Romance Lesson HERE.