Not Food

What in the danged world is the "Progressive" mentality doing to our society? I want chickens to suffer to make soup, call me crazy.

Please take the time to comment.

Flat-Out Food Pimping (UPDATED at bottom!!!)

Since I regularly do those linkdumps and stuff boring the ever loving crap outta everyone, I thought that I would give y'all some info that you might actually want.

FOOD AND COOKING LINKS!!!

A good buddy of mine in Jack-troit has decided to teach private cooking classes and sell his own line of cooking gradoo. I am certain that it is amazing because he cooks like a madman. Also the menus for the cooking classes are sheer, deluxe food pr0n!! Yucca Stuffed Fried Shrimp? WANT!

Please take the time to check out his website, Ivy and Devine here.

The Ivy and Devine FAILbook page is here.

And the Ivy and Devine Twittah page is here. (Give him a break on this one, he ain't never Twittahed before.)

Please take the time to check out his site, dang it.

AND! As long as you are shelling out the Christmas cash, hit MY DAMN Pay-Pal, too. You can also send me gold bullion and bars. Remember, it is better to give than receive and you do not want to go to Hell, do you?

UPDATE: Yes, I know that I have been saying repeatedly to hit the Pay-Pal but I thought everyone knew that was a joke. I do not even have a clue how Andy found my Pay-Pal account, but he did and now I am flush with cash. If you need money, hit me up on the e-mail, because I am sure as hell not giving it back. (Because I have no clue how.)

Pimping the Thanksgiving Groceries

*Click the images to see them full screen.*

As y'all probably all know, Thanksgiving was ten days ago and I spent that time in the flatlands feeding a bunch of chicks and watching a movie about traveling pants. This was the first time that I have actually laid out a spread for a bunch of folks and it was the first time that I deep-fried a turkey. I probably should have done a little more research on the deep fryer before allowing Bean to run off pell-mell and buy the first thing that she happened across, but lesson learned. The most difficult task that I endured throughout the two days of cooking was keeping the bubbling oil at a constant three hundred fifty degrees Fahrenheit. All of the other stuff was a cakewalk. Preparing the turkey took all of ten minutes after it was shot up like a heroin junkie in the Village. Oh, and that little happy ending with the poultry rub took about another five minutes. Handjobbing a turkey is pretty damn nasty.

The bird was seventeen point eight pounds and took approximately six thousand hours to thaw. That was a little longer (by thirty times) than Butterball advertised on the container, so prepare for that, folks. You cannot deep fry ICE, you know.

We purchased Tony Chachere's Creole Butter Marinade Injector to season the turkey and I shot that bad boy up with the whole damn bottle. It recommended to only use one quarter of the stuff. Okay, I went a little overboard, but it was damn tasty. Especially that burnt up skin on it.

I cooked the thing for about four minutes a pound. I was told to go three and a half minutes a pound, but the damn cooker kept dropping temp, so I ran it a little longer just out of spite. I was right. The meat was really juicy and flavorful. I added a bunch of cayenne to the rub and the turkey was kinda spicy. Spicy is good.

I also cooked a corn souffle because it just seemed right for a big honking deep fried thing as a textural accoutrement. Bean was mad as Hell about the corn thingy, because she thought that meant we couldn't have fried corn and a corn souffle at the same meal. What she fails to realize is that now that she is an adult, she can eat ice cream and Cheerios for every meal if she so chooses. And if she did that, she would be just like me.

The hard part about the corn souffle was putting it in the fridge for a day. I was really jonesing to cook it on Wednesday just to see what it would taste like.


I found a recipe for crockpot dressing on the webblyblargs and thought that would be a good deal because of the lack of cooking area in Bean's kitchen, plus it would require little supervision. This shit was seriously good. Try the RECIPE, it takes about thirty minutes of prep time and four hours of cooking in the crock pot. if you like your dressing a little more solid, back off the liquids a little or add more cornbread, I had to add about a cup of flour about halfway through to get it to thicken up. If you have a crock pot like mine, where the liner lifts out, you can prepare, store, and then cook all in the same container. Remember, this is man cooking, which means as little cleanup as possible.

Also, Bean had to have that damn sweet potato paste shit that everyone serves and she wanted to buy the paste in a damn can. I try not to cook anything like that, so I purchased living sweet potatoes and trimmed them up. That was the most time consuming task of the entire day. Who the Hell knew that sweet potatoes actually had an anus? In the end, (<--git it?) I just cut off both of the damn end corner thingys because I couldn't tell the ass from the mouth on most of those orange things. Sweet potatoes sure as Hell peel better than G_d's white, normal potato though.

Remember when you cook that sweet potato vomit, to cook it first for about thirty minutes before adding the marshmallows or they are going to be like molasses or amber. What in the mortal Hell is a damn marshmallow anydamnway?

This is the compilation photo. Top left shows the freshly peeled sweet potatoes, sans anuses, peeled Savior potatoes, and the cornbread for the dressing. Yes, I kinda nibbled on the cornbread, and it made me happy.

Top right shows the scalloped potatoes that I made for me because I friggin' hate sweet potatoes. They were okay, just kinda diabetic food without much flavor. Bean bitched, but ate them anyway. The last remnants are probably in her belly right now, as a matter of fact.

Bottom left shows the corn souffle gruel that was about to jump into the baking dish for its trip into the refrigerator. That was so easy to make, and tasted so good, that I might make some more of that pretty soon. Dang, that was too damn easy.

Bottom right shows the partial spread about five minutes into kicking its ass. We had four women and me eating at it and everyone had seconds and some had thirds. The fried corn is in the bowl to the right. Fried corn MUST be cooked in a black skillet to add that burnt up looking visual, still it is good. All in all, I would have to rate Thanksgiving 2008 a solid nine on the food scale. Maybe next year, I can do better. NAY! I shall do better.

Please take the time to comment.

A little side note. Every baked thing came from the oven at the exact same time. I keep a piece of paper next to the oven to let Bean know, if I die during the process, how to finish things up. The front-end MATH makes the end result that much better.

Livin' the Footbaw Lifestyle

Rule number one: Ovens are inexpensive appliances. Replace them, never clean them.

Rule number two: Cooking less than an entire pack of brats at a time is wasteful on the electricity as well as the steps to and from the oven. Efficiency is key, dude.

Rule number three: NEVER touch anything shown in this photo after ten minutes of the oven being set to BROIL and five hundred degrees Fahrenheit. Trust me, that is very uncomfortable.

Rule number four: NEVER cook when small children are in the vicinity. Increasing their vocabulary with the words you speak after violating rule number three is NOT good parenting.

Rule number five: Eat brats.

Tomorrow, I plan on posting the Thanksgiving spread that I laid out for the chick party. If you like food pr0n, tomorrow would be an ideal time to watch the blarg show on Mean Ol' Meany.

Until then, enjoy this food-related one word review. (Hat-tip: Reverse Vampyr)

Please take the time to comment.

This Post is NOT About Gayness

I did not see this at Fire Joe Morgan, when I first saw this, I clicked over there to see if Ken had seen it. Yup. They hate Bill Plaschke, the cock eater.

I ran across this on Reverse Vampyr's blog by clicking on a link on a video after it had run through.

Hey, berry up to the animar cock buffet! Mmmmmm! You learry wanna tly the brack dog cock, it onry cock with bone, and it cum with testicres, too! Then maybe you wanna sum rrama cock. No substitutions!



THEY DEBATED EATING A LIPSTICK!!!! ARGH!!!!!

China, you frigging suck.........as bad as a man that eats cooked cock on purpose. They probably chased it down with a deep-fried turd dessert.

Please take the time to comment.

It's Cone, Main!

Well, it is time for another trip to the kitchen with the man. Yes, man cooking, baby.

Today's specialty is fried corn. Bean likes this and it is so damn easy, even Skunkfeathers could do it, sans Fire Department! So, strip nekkid and think about all the luscious sex that you are about to receive.

Hunter and gatherer this junk:
6 ears corn (Not those damn frozen half ear thangs, either. Real fresh unshucked corn.)
2 tablespoons fresh bacon drippings or butter (Not that gay margarine or Country Crock whatever the Hell that is. I am talking "Land-o-Lakes.")
1/2 teaspoon salt (Really, much more than this, but you know what you like.)
2 teaspoons sugar (Ditto above, I skip this ingredient, because I hate sugar.)
1/4 teaspoon black pepper ("Teaspoon" should really read "elephant-foot-full-of.")
1 big damn black iron skillet (The "knocking wife unconscious" kind, you know.)

Here's what you do:
Step 1: Throw the skillet on the stove and start heating it up. Add the butter or bacon vomit. My stove requires the setting to be about Extra-Medium.

Step M: Shuck that corn and do whatever you call it that gets the silk off. Get the damn silk off of that corn 'cause eating that is exactly like eating hair. Wash the corn after the shucking and un-de-re-silking process.

Step 2.5: Slice the corn from the cob. Scrape the cob downward to get any remaining corn left near the cob. Use the antimicrobial cutting board so you do not cut through the countertop and wind up in your basement. (Bean gave me some knives for Christmas two years ago. I routinely cut through Ginzu Knives with them just to prove my superiority in the knife department. Might as well have been a treadmill or vacuum cleaner, we know what she was after. Oh, and microbes are b-a-d. It helps also if your knife looks as cool as my de-corning process knife. Presentation is vitally important.)





Step S: When the skillet is hot and the butter melted, add corn and cook for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring often. Step C: Sprinkle with the salt, sugar, and pepper during the 15-20 minute process in step above. Step 5: Keep stirring until it is cooked.

The recipe that I have says, "Serve hot" and "serves 4-5 people." Both of these statements are stupid, because of course I would eat this hot and six ears of corn serves a maximum of three people. Only one if that one is Bean.

Next up: Enchilada Casserole.....which I haven't even made yet, but the recipe is virtually pr0n.

Please take the time to comment about corn.

Lasagna - The Two Dogs Way!

Every time that Bean and I are together, I cook a bunch of stuff to keep her from surviving on nothing but Skittles. She is twenty-three and did not do the obligatory kitchen apprentice work under her grandmother's tutelage. Damn kids. This visit, I cooked Lazy-Man Lasagna. It is quite easy, but I have pointed out my mistakes in the process. If you cook this, HEED my damn warnings, yo'.

You need:
* One bunch of damn lasagna noodle pasta stuff
* 1.5 pounds lean ground beef (I always use ground round or the most expensive damn meat I can find.)
* 1 big can of spaghetti sauce (I think it's 22 ounces.)
* 2 inches of tube sausage (Ha! Bean eats turkey so it really didn't work so well.)
* 2 eggs
* 32 ounces shredded cheese (Mozzarella/Parmesan mix is good.)
* 2 tubs of ricotta cheese (Do NOT eat this crap! I cannot stress that enough!)
* Some green stuff, like parsley or something flaky and green. (Must be green!)
* Whatever other crap you just dump into everything you cook

Here we go, plan to spend about an hour and a half because you know you forgot something at the damn store.

1. Brown the ground beef and sausage, add some green stuff. I like to do this really fast because the meat is going in the oven. No sense in cooking it too damn long, you are a man, remember? 2. Kiss Bean on the forehead, it tastes like chocolate! And remember, men NEVER shave on the weekends. Man Law. 3. Spray Olive Oil! Live it up, baby! Oh, that's the damn dish this crap is going in the oven in. 4. Boil noodles, with about three metric tons of salt. (Oh, yeah, you need salt, too. That should be on that list up there, oh well.) Remember, don't break the noodles up, you are making lasagna. They don't have to fully cook either. Some folks say that you don't even have to boil them for lasagna, those folks are dead wrong and have become my lifelong enemies.



5. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, not Celsius, I did use Celsius one time and melted a Pyrex bowl. This was when my oven was made of asbestos, by the way. 6. Make display with your cheeses on your counter that is too small. 7. Make another display with the eggs and the bowl, along with the toaster that Bean bought this morning. Who the Hell needs a toaster? 8. Remember suddenly that the noodles were boiling and take them out with your hand to cool (flat dammit!) on a piece of foil. (You probably need foil, too. Add that to the list.)









9. Look at can. 10. Put contents of said can in meat skillet. Make it messy, do not drain the fat off the meat, you bought the good stuff and it ain't got no fat. 11. Mix all the cheeses, eggs, more green stuff, and salt in bowl. 11A. DO NOT EAT THIS, IT TASTES LIKE SHIT! 12. Always rinse stuff and place in dishwasher while you are cooking. That way there is not too much for Bean to clean up and we can go our fat selves to sleep right after eating.








13. Mix all contents in bowl. 13A. I am warning you, if you eat this, you are going to be mad. 14. Make a pretty layer of that wonderful meat stuff in the bottom of your baking dish thing. Inhale the aroma. Thank G-d that you are a man and eat meat. 15. Overlap the flattened noodles over the meat stuff. 16. Spoon that obnoxious cheese vomit out onto the top of the noodles. I am warning you about that flava'.









17. Mo' meat, mo' noodles. You can actually do this as many times as you desire. It was just Bean and me, so I didn't go nuts like I usually do. 18. Mo' vomit. Top this layer with noodles, sorry, I forgot that photo. 19. Tho' the thing in the oven and forget it for a couple of whiles. It is done when you see the noodles in the center are kinda wavy and bubbling. Mine took about forty minutes. 19A. That is what happens when you do not boil your noodles first. My pan was about one inch too long for the noodles when the layers made it to the top. 20. You must let this crap cool for about ten minutes before you cut it, otherwise it turns to Chili-Noodles. That is not too good for presentation work. Oh, and throw some more green stuff on the top. Bean sprinkled some on the plate to make it appear nice.

Understand, first and foremost, you are a man. There is only one reason that you are cooking and that is for the sex that comes from you serving her a good meal. I actually fried corn to go with this. I made the mistake of raking the corn off of the cutting board with my hand and it was too sweet for me to eat after it touched my skin. Oh, always buy a bag of that Ceasar salad to go with this, too. We just got lettuce, croutons and other stuff and I made the salad myself, but that is NOT the man way. Oh, what the Hell, I got a little "flouncy" in me.

Please take the time to comment.

But the person that made this isn't!

For those of you who know me best, y'all know that the main reason I gave up on Islam is that man, I love the swine! So today, Jimmy Pete and I rolled up in the Pig Out Inn and feasted like the rednecks we are.

The meal that you are looking at is the Two Meat Plate. I got the sausage and the pulled pork with corn salad and potato salad. It was about fourteen bucks with a drink, but I can tell you that I have not had a lunch like this in forever. The pork was super tender with that crunchy black gunk on the outside, the sausage was evenly cooked and not greasy. And praise them, NO LIQUID SMOKE!!!!!

This is some type of cold corn salad that tastes kinda like pico de gallo. Man, this is damn fine! Just the right spicy level. And the potato salad was off the chain. (for you crackers, "off the chain" is street slang for "mighty tasty")

Anyhoo, when in Jacktown, hit me up and I'll give you directions. Nolan Coward is the manager and if I wasn't involved, I'd be wearing my knees out trying to please him.

Locations:
6547 Old Canton Road
Ridgeland, MS 39157
601.957.6467

116 South Canal Street
Natchez, MS 39120
601.442.8050

Yea, I'm Feeling It

It is now time to post this week's recipe. After the show last night, I woke feeling the effects of too much smoke and too little alcohol. This gem will make up for that.

Dirty Ashtray!
Accumulate this list of materiel....
1 ounce Blue Curacao
1 ounce Gin
1 ounce Grenadine
3 ounces Pineapple Juice
1 ounce Light Rum
4 ounce Sweet and Sour Mix
1 ounce Tequila
1 ounce Vodka

Holy crap! You must be kidding!



Take all this stuff and chunk it in the Rally's NASCAR cup with some ice and practice your hand motions. If you are really high-falutin', you can cap it off with a lemon twist.

Then simply kick back with a couple of downloaded Panic shows and veg-out, baby.

It's a Porterhouse in a Glass

Everyone loves 'em, but no one knows how to make 'em right. Remember, mixing drinks requires an 'attitude'.

On, the nights where you know that you absolutely HAVE to get drunk, start out with a Bloody Mary. Something about the tomato and all keeps you from having the Sta-Puft sized hangaround the next day. Welcome to the big leagues, baby.










Mean Ol' Bloody Meany Mary

Collect this crap:
3 ounces Vodka
6 oz Tomato Juice or V-8
2 whatzitts Lemon Juice
1 teaspoon Lea and Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (Do not buy any other brand, Gomer)
6 drops Peri-Peri Pepper Sauce (Go HERE)
Salt
Pepper
Ice
1 Big Ol' Pork chop

Shake with ice and strain into a glass Rally's NASCAR cup 2/3 full of ice cubes. Chunk in a celery stalk or a couple of skewered olives. To really make this a hangover killa', add a little beef bullion. Personally, I recommend no more than three of these if you are driving. Yea, nine ounces of vodka sounds about right.

The Carnival of Recipes requires PORK (THE MOST AWESOMEST FOOD) to be involved with this week's recipe so, I added one big ol' pork chop. (No, I don't think that this qualifies me for the Carnival, but I'm cool with that. Maybe next week, huh?)

Burger King's Corrected Ice Cream Thingy

Since Burger King cannot be trusted to redesign their ice cream thingy to please those peaceful Muslims kissy-faces, I decided to help them out.








Damn, don't want to offend anybody. What a bunch of damn cry-babies.

Image stolen from Pam at Lifelike Pundits and Blogmeister.

UPDATE: It looks like ice cream, you pansies. Put on a damn cup if you wanna play in the big leagues.

It's Too Damn Hot and I'm Too Damn Sober

Being the good Catholic that I am, I decided to head to Mass and come back home and do what most Catholics do on Sunday, get drunk. Don't cough up your skull Shirley, I'm not driving! Well, maybe to the liquor store.









Frozen Mudslide!
Assemble these provisions:
1 Pint Absolut vodka
1 Pint Bailey's Irish cream
1 Pint Kahlua coffee liqueur
A bunch of damn ice
1 Pint cream
12 scoops Haagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream
24 scoops Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream

Chunk the ice in your industrial size blender. (At some point in the near future, I am going to post the instructions for making your own!) When the ice is busted up enough, add the remaining ingredients and blend until really smooth on blender's highest setting. For me, I just jam the foot pedal all the way to maximum stop. What, you don't have a foot pedal on YOUR blender? The proper serving vessel is one that doesn't sweat too much and can hold alot of this concoction. As always, I like the Rally's NASCAR cups.

This serves one Catholic or ten Baptists. It also gets pretty expensive when you use Haagen-Dazs.

Sissy-Boy Style
1 1/2 oz Absolut
1 1/2 oz Bailey's
1 1/2 oz Kahlua
8 ice cubes
1 1/2 oz cream
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
2 scoops chocolate ice cream

Serve in a "highball" and hold your pinky out. Geez.

Holy Crap! The Power's Back On!

It has been reported that the power is back on for every resident of Jackson, Mississippi so it's time to crank up the ol' blender again. I know that y'all were missing the recipe segment, so I shall not disappoint. Prepare yourself to be not unredisappointed.









Frozen Black African-American Irish

Round up this stuff:
450 ounces Kahlua coffee liqueur
450 ounces Bailey's Irish cream
225 ounces vodka
900 tablespoons vanilla ice cream

Throw this into a clean 55-gallon drum with 225 glassfuls (eight bags) of crushed ice. Kick on the trolling motor and go to town. Pour into a double-cocktail glass or a Rally's NASCAR cup, garnish with a sprig of mint, and give it one of those table slams that are so popular at Beer-Thirty. This recipe serves 450 people or seven architects.

Or, if you are some fancy-pants, girly drinker, divide this recipe by 450, add a half glass of ice, light up some Aroma Therapy candles, throw on a Jayson Taylor disc, and it serves one Metrosexual or one Dogwood Festival Sexual.

No Electricity? Let's Get Smashed!

Usually I do a post with frozen drinks because of the sweltering heat in Mississippi. This week I will offer what little help I can to my friends without power. Yes, I know that they can't read this post, but they can put these ingredients aside, just like the tuna and bottled water, for future power outages. It pays to plan ahead. Trust me, you don't want to shoot looters while you're sober. Remember when the power's out, the safety is OFF.

Windex
You will need:
4 ounces Blue Curacao
4 ounces Lime Juice
4 ounces Triple Sec
4 ounces Vodka

Forego the squirt bottle and put this stuff straight in a clean half-gallon milk jug. Shake vigorously. Add ice if you got it.

Here's what you say when a looter comes calling, "My power's out and my wheelchair batteries are dead." Hide behind the largest piece of heavy furniture you have and get ready to start blasting. It's loads of fun on a budget.

Stay safe folks.

Death With Dignity

While our main purpose at this little blog is to save lives, we have also decided to increase the positive sensations during the death process as well. I don't usually drink the frozen drinks too much, but it is currently 127 degrees in the shade here and most of the shade has melted.

Death By Chocolate

Round this stuff up:
2 ounces Irish Cream Liqueur
1 ounce Brown Creme de Cacao
1 ounce Vodka
2 scoops Chocolate Ice Cream
2 cups Ice

Dump this all in the trusty blender and go to town. As always, put the damn top on! Top the mugs with whipped cream and then some of those chocolate sprinkle things. Strip down to some jorts and a wife-beater and stroll out to the deck.

An Aside: Michele Malkin has overtaken Glenn Reynolds at the top of the Blogosphere pecking order today. Yes, there is change in the air. Currently, I am a mere 5680 links from the top. Link this blog and make everything right in the world.

UPDATE: There is so much traffic coming from the Carnival and no one comments? Speak up folks, we blog for the comments. Thanks for visiting and keep coming back.

One For The Ladies

Nothing at all like having a bunch of drunk women around. It is most definitely worth the price of the liquor. Here we go:

Chocolate Snow Bear

You will need:
6-8 women
6-8 ounces Amaretto
6-8 ounces Creme de Cacao
12-16 dashes Vanilla Extract
30-40 oz. French Vanilla Ice Cream
1.5-2 oz. Chocolate Syrup

See the pattern? You can divide the quantities by the number of women. Throw the stuff in a blender and jam/whip for a little while. If you are actually serving women, you will need chilled champagne flutes or something girly like that. I use the NASCAR cups from Rallies.

Oh, Linda, don't drink all of this by yourself.

Uh, It's A What?

Okay, this one's name is a little odd, but still it's got caffeine and alcohol. That's a mixture that always goes yard for me. (Baseball reference there.)


Spunky Monkey:

2 shots coffee liqueur
1 shot amaretto almond liqueur
1 Howler Monkey (I tend to leave this out, those little bastards scratch)
1/2 cup half-and-half

Chunk all that crap in a blender with some ice. Screw warming the blender up by working up the toggles, jump on some "puree". (Dammit! Top ON!) My recipe book actually calls for a "highboy" glass. I chose the Fred Flintstone Bama Jelly glass, but that's how I roll.

For some reason this strikes me as one of those "Shade Drinks". Gotta suck this one down on the porch. "Hey you damn kids, git outta my yard!"

Yea, I'm Drunk. So what?

As always, the sole mission in MY life is to make sure that you can escape from the harsh realities of YOUR everyday life. Oh, and to save lives in general.

YOU are waaaaay too sober. Be like Two Dogs, English sounds so much better when slurred properly. At least with my voice it does.

The REAL Mississippi Mud

1 Jigger* (what did you call me?!?!?) Southern Comfort
1 Jigger* (I'm warning you) Coffee Liqueur
Coupla' scoops of vanilla ice cream

Chunk into blender (Remember, top on. Not yours sweetheart, the blender's). Run the gamut of the buttons until the stuff is smooth. Top with chocolate sprinkles or shavings. Sprinkles are easier if you are already drunk.

This drink goes especially well with lawn chairs, kids running through the sprinkler, and the Drive-By Truckers.

*For all you Southern Baptists out there, a "jigger" is one and a half ounces. For all you Catholics, a "jigger" is about seventeen ounces.

Wide Awake and Liquored Up!

Once again it's time to dip in the old recipe book and see how we can get lubricated today! Wooooooo Hoooooooo!

Today's recipe will not only get you sauced, it will also keep you up to finish watching the latest video rental or long enough to teach one of your younger kids how to ride a bicycle. Plus, a wide awake drunk goes good with any party. Is that supposed to be "goes well"? Nevermind.

The Chilly Leprechaun
You will need the following:
3 oz Cold Espresso (Do not use Starbucks 'cause it sucks)
1 or more oz Irish Whiskey
1 oz Coffee Liqueur
1 oz Irish Cream
1 scoop Vanilla Ice Cream (DO NOT use Ice Milk that's for sissies)
Coupla' Drops of vanilla
4 cups Ice

Chunk all that in a blender. Carefully place the lid in place, this IS important. Run through all the buttons on your appliance. I have no idea why they name those things like they do (Puree? WTF?), but it usually gets faster as you move to the right. Keep doing that until your concoction is smooooooth. Don't just drink it out of the blender pitcher thing, though. Your mama wouldn't let you do that.

Welcome to those from the Carnival of Recipes. Frontpage is HERE.

Drunken Chicken Suppositories

In keeping with my alcohol laced recipes, I submit this one for the books. I promise it will be good and you will be intoxicated. So, everybody is happy.

Ingredients:
1 Twelve pack of your favorite beer, in cans
1 Good Bird
Dumptruck load of your favorite spices (I prefer the hot stuff)

Instructions:
Place six cans of beer in stomach through mouth. Yep, lubricate the chef thoroughly. Take seventh can of nectar of the G_ds and polish off half of said nectar. Dump your favorite spices in half filled can. Yep, it IS half full.

Place beer with spices on the center of a roasting pan and impale that bird. Right up the ol' dirt road. Place the whole contraption on the center of a 350 degree grill or oven. Cook that baby for about 35-40 minutes or until the internal temperature is over 180 degrees. Some people say that it is a good idea to pour some of the canned spice gradoo over the bird occasionally, but that IS an awful lot of work and after six beers, you really don't notice if the chicken is dry.

Whatever you do, do not go to sleep. There are another five beers left. Most of all remember that cooked thing is hot. Use some oven mitts or something.

Enjoy.

UPDATE: The Carnival of Recipes is up. Check it out.
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