Wednesday, April 09, 2008

It's Cone, Main!

Well, it is time for another trip to the kitchen with the man. Yes, man cooking, baby.

Today's specialty is fried corn. Bean likes this and it is so damn easy, even Skunkfeathers could do it, sans Fire Department! So, strip nekkid and think about all the luscious sex that you are about to receive.

Hunter and gatherer this junk:
6 ears corn (Not those damn frozen half ear thangs, either. Real fresh unshucked corn.)
2 tablespoons fresh bacon drippings or butter (Not that gay margarine or Country Crock whatever the Hell that is. I am talking "Land-o-Lakes.")
1/2 teaspoon salt (Really, much more than this, but you know what you like.)
2 teaspoons sugar (Ditto above, I skip this ingredient, because I hate sugar.)
1/4 teaspoon black pepper ("Teaspoon" should really read "elephant-foot-full-of.")
1 big damn black iron skillet (The "knocking wife unconscious" kind, you know.)

Here's what you do:
Step 1: Throw the skillet on the stove and start heating it up. Add the butter or bacon vomit. My stove requires the setting to be about Extra-Medium.

Step M: Shuck that corn and do whatever you call it that gets the silk off. Get the damn silk off of that corn 'cause eating that is exactly like eating hair. Wash the corn after the shucking and un-de-re-silking process.

Step 2.5: Slice the corn from the cob. Scrape the cob downward to get any remaining corn left near the cob. Use the antimicrobial cutting board so you do not cut through the countertop and wind up in your basement. (Bean gave me some knives for Christmas two years ago. I routinely cut through Ginzu Knives with them just to prove my superiority in the knife department. Might as well have been a treadmill or vacuum cleaner, we know what she was after. Oh, and microbes are b-a-d. It helps also if your knife looks as cool as my de-corning process knife. Presentation is vitally important.)

Step S: When the skillet is hot and the butter melted, add corn and cook for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring often. Step C: Sprinkle with the salt, sugar, and pepper during the 15-20 minute process in step above. Step 5: Keep stirring until it is cooked.

The recipe that I have says, "Serve hot" and "serves 4-5 people." Both of these statements are stupid, because of course I would eat this hot and six ears of corn serves a maximum of three people. Only one if that one is Bean.

Next up: Enchilada Casserole.....which I haven't even made yet, but the recipe is virtually pr0n.

Please take the time to comment about corn.