Thursday, September 04, 2008

Sarah Palin Speech - A View from Earth

Y'all come here to read stuff that interests you and hopefully you get what you pay for. Huh? It's free? Oh, bullshit! Where is all my money coming from then? Oh, yeah, I am poor. Woe. Is. Me.

Govermilf Sarah Palin gave a speech last night at some union party in a union town up Nawth. I watched it about three times this morning and here are my thoughts.

It was a speech. It was not as boring as a single one of Obama's speeches, but that is not a compliment. Barry is completely uninteresting to me because I know what is behind curtain number three and his delivery blows. It's like watching an IRS auditor going over your taxes from 1996. I swear, watching my neighbor Dewayne mow my grass is more inspiring than watching a Barry lie-a-thon.

Palin is not inspiring to me when she talks either, the things that interest me about her are the philosophies and policies that she has implemented while serving her terms in office. To put it in layman's terms, she gains my respect because she earned it, not because she can talk to a crowd. Also, in order for a woman's voice to inspire me, it must be gently spoken in a breathy voice directly into my ear, because talk is cheap, let's see some action! Hot, dirty, MILF action! Inspiration! Right between the pockets!

Women that are smart, funny, and attractive crank my friggin' tractor.

Yes, she hit on exactly the points of limited government that I desire, yes, she spoke directly to Barry Obama's incompetence and failure in everything that he has done, yes, she spoke about what she had done in comparison, and yes, she said the things that I wanted to hear regarding the future of our government. ALAS, I DID NOT GET A BONER.

But, it was a political speech at a meeting discussing politics. That is all it was. I thoroughly believe that she was allowed to say the majority of the things that she wanted to say and I thoroughly believe that there were some things that she was not allowed to say because they run contrary to the Hard-Moderate positions that John McCain holds. And whether I like it or not, McCain is the top of the ticket.

The thing that bothers me is that my friends and counterparts in the Bleggynet are jumping up and down about how great the speech was. Holy shit, she has no competition! It was will.i.am versus Metallica in the Battle of the Bands. It is patently unfair to compare her speech to Obama, Biden, or McCain speeches. Sarah Palin appears to be a normal American that believes normal American things. To expect anything less than a tee-total beatdown of anything Obama has done is to completely insult this country and its honorable citizenry.

Get a damn grip, Sarah-Heads. I like her too, but it is NOT because she can give a speech.

But, I did hear that she wears nothing but a thong under her dress. And likes Mises*.

Please take the time to comment.

* Mises Institute Article about Palin.

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