Saturday, January 02, 2010

Stoned on Thera-Flu Blogging - A Scientific Study

I had a scratchy, little annoying cough today so I inhaled an entire Thermos full of Thera-Flu. Seriously, I had no idea what the Hell I was doing, but now I feel as if my skin were covered in frozen almonds that are alive. Well, that started a few minutes after I woke up face down in my living room with my pants around my ankles and all of my furniture had been moved around.

Did I mention that I wrote all over my body in red Sharpie? The writing appears to be some ancient glyph language, but dammit, it sure is beautiful. How long does it take indelible marker to wear off? Because most of it is on my face. Just another Saturday, I guess. Funny thing though, this hasn't happened since I stopped drinking a fifth a whiskey every day.

The only dream that I remember was about blowing up Texas Stadium and LO AND BEHOLD, it was not a dream.

I guess that blowing up the PAC-10 doesn't even have to done, because they suck. By the way, Andy is THIS MANY.

Not only that, I was FREEZING when I woke up and immediately performed a The Google search for global warming. Guess what I found? The only country on the entire planet that actually shows any warming in the entire time frame between 1995 and 2009 was Venezuela. Wonder why that is? Isn't that the Communist country run by Hugo Chavez, the guy who spoke so harshly about getting a bunch of money to fight Anthropomorphic Global Warming at that Gore-a-palooza concert in Buttholeville a coupla' weeks ago? Wow, no wonder he needs that money, his is the only real country that is suffering from AGW! Still more on the AGW FRAUD. It is the gift that keeps on giving!

I am certainly glad that we have a president that acknowledges the overwhelming dange that Muslims pose to the world. It only took him a week after the last terrorist attack to speak a few words about it. Oddly enough, his administration knew about the attack back in October. I am also glad that Barry is NOT RESTING until he finds that responsible, even while he is at the golf course in Hawaii. How hard is it to find someone that openly admits that they are responsible and does the guy that lit his nuts not have anything to do with the fact that he lit his own nuts? Sorry, I have never been a Muslim, so I have no idea how Barry thinks. Maybe he is CRAZY to go along with his STUPID.

Speaking of Obama, Damian G is getting ready to post the Douchebag of the Year awards. I still get a thrill up my leg that Damian used my suggestion of the residents of New Orleans in 2007. As if there would be a douchebag award that did not include the city of New Orleans.

Am I supposed to assume that THIS IS GOOD NEWS for the "universal healthcare" movement? Since dead people is what the Democrats want more of, I guess so.

Wonder how the federal government is going to pay MORE for all of those deadbeats that are failing to pay their mortgages?

Oh! Now, I see where that money is going to originate. How stupid of me. Remember, Obama is NOT going to raise taxes on anyone making more than 250k a year. "Read my lips. No. New. Taxes. I am just going to let the tax cuts EXPIRE."

Two words: Photo Bomb.

Anyhoo, here's a buddy of mine playing an original and NO! I did not pay him to wear the Paul Mitchell Design, LLC Logo-ed office uniform SMOCK.



Please take the time to comment.

11 comments:

Basil said...

I haven't had a day begin like that since ... Okay, I haven't had a day begin like that. Waking up covered by a tarp covered with sand in Kuwait was as close as I ever came.

paul mitchell said...

The best part, Basil? I took the Thera-Flu around 3pm today. No lie.

Skunkfeathers said...

Waking up with your pants around your ankles and all the furniture re-arranged? Uh-oh. The pet rock is genuflecting in your direction, and recommending you avoid The Outer Limits on DVD.

Meantime, I know it's just a passing phase (I hate Thera-Flu; useless as tits on an end table...DOH..did I just say that?)

Andy said...

Paul, the Sharpie stain-life depends. If you were from Arkansas, it could take several months, seeing as baths come irregularly.

But since you are not an Arkie, I would estimate 3 or 4 days.

I think you ought to enter that contest. If you win, can I come watch? No, on second thought, I'd probably shed a tear...man, I loved Landry, Dandy Don, and Staubach, Danny White, and Jethro Pugh, Bob Lilly, Too Tall, and all of 'em. Even Tony Dorsett.

Andy said...

Oh, I forgot...your buddy's pretty dang good. Tell him I said so, and that my judgment of talent is second to none.

And, I like the company uniform. 'bout what I expected.

paul mitchell said...

Skunkfeathers, how do you know about my end table?

Andy, I was a HUGE Dallas fan back in the day. The second that they got Deion Sanders they were dead to me. Deion single-handedly destroyed professional football forever. It shall never recover, either.

I actually saw the beginning of the end for the Cowboys when Bum Bright bought the team. Next thing you know, Landry was gone and the stupidity began.

I'll let Vic know that you like his tune.

And never make fun of my company smocks. You see them the world over, I think that everyone wants one.

Andy said...

"And never make fun of my company smocks. You see them the world over, I think that everyone wants one."

Hoss, I think everyone has one. Smart marketing move there TD...shrewd...

Yeah, Jones has truly been a Joner in the boat (to make a bad pun). Man, I miss the good ol' days. But things will never be like they onest was...that's just the way it is, I reckon.

Anonymous said...

Wait a second, when those tax cuts were implemented the White house, senate, and house of reps were controlled by the repubs.

Why did they put in "temporary" tax cuts?? Especially when the gov't was under unified republican control?...oh that's right its a big scam, funny how republicans didn't actually make gov't smaller from 2000 to 2006 (medicare part D). Were any gov't department eliminated..uhh..no.

So wouldn't the correct statement be George Bush raised taxes since he put in "temporary" tax cuts in the first place, right? I say good let it expire, bring on the pain. It is only avoiding the inevitable, if you don't know what I mean well look what is happening to Iceland right now (Iceland IMF loan conditions).

Roderick

Skunkfeathers said...

Paul, my pet rock can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles...oh yeah.

paul mitchell said...

Roderick, the Republicans made the tax cuts temporary because Democrats would not vote for them if they were not. And most folks realize that the Senate was only controlled by Republicans for four of the eight Bush years, the House only six. So, it would take an act of Congress to go through all the stupid legislation and figure out where it really originated. I am not going to do that because it is in the past. The economy failed the minute minimum wage was increased and Bush signed the Democrat's bullshit.

Skunks, I would like it very much if Seymour would repeatedly come crashing down upon the heads of everyone in DC.

Coffee Bean said...

Oh Good Lord.

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