Thursday, April 21, 2005

The "If I Could Be Less Than What I Am Meme"

Yea, I have been remiss in my posting, but have been visiting everyone's site and making a general nuisance of myself. Anyhoo, Oddybobo and basil have both forwarded a meme to me and since I waited so long to post on it, I shall be the wonderful human being that I am and respond to both requests. Yea, I know, I know, I AM great. Big, fat, hairy deal. Yea, you wish.

Okay, here we go. This is the If I could be a blah, blah, blah, and you finish the sentence like someone reeeeaaaaaly wants to know what you have to say. In the effort to keep all six(yeah I got six)readers, I'll try to make this interesting.

If I could be a scientist, I would work non-stop on a new male sexuality drug that would reduce the chances for popping wood in the most inopportune times. Viagra, yeah right, why in the world..... It gets kinda embarrassing while speaking to a little, ole’ ladies gardening group and damn...

If I could be a farmer, I would develop new techniques for crop production that would require no illegal aliens to harvest the citrus crops.

If I could be a musician, well, I done done that.

If I could be a chef, I would only use ingredients used on “Steve, Don’t Eat It!”

If I could be an architect, I would be the sexiest man in the world, the most handsome, the most intelligent, and the most modest. Nope you never saw that one coming, did you?

If I could be a psychologist, I would lobby non-stop to get psychology thrown out as a legitamate field of study. And all my colleagues would become rodeo clowns, I think that would be fun.

If I could be a librarian, I would offer free X-Boxes to every kid who checked out and read thirty books in a summer. Damn kids need to read. Oh, and then I wouldn’t give them the X-Boxes, I wouldn’t have to, plus the fact that I like to lie to kids.

If I could be an athlete, I would wake up every morning, cut the grass on the field, chalk the base paths, sweep the stands, restock all the concession stands, wash towels, and take care of all general duties leading up to the game, and then play for free. And I would play like Chipper Jones, 'cause he’s a damn gamer. (that one's for you basil)

If I could be a lawyer, I would do the world a favor and eat the damn gun. Oh, this is satire. Gotta tell them that 'cause lawyers ain’t too sharp you know.

If I could be an astronaut, I would be the first to study the effects of weightlessness on extreme alcoholism and massive amounts of sex. Gotta give something back to the space program, you know. See, I’m not completely selfish, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And since I was the last person in this pyramid scheme of memes, I got it in the shorts, rather than passing it on, yea, mess up and comment. You get to play.



The Bobo Knitter said...

Wait just one cotton picking minute! (oh and you can't tag me cause I tagged you!) I'm a lawyer and I is sharp as a tack! :)

Paul Mitchell said...

Yeah, well, if the shoe fits. And wonder why I wrote that, I think that I read your blog or something. And I think that you tagged me thinking that I would say somehting mean or something and look at this love fest going on. All warm and fuzzy.