Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Tom Goes National

Funny comes in all kinds of odd places and this is no exception. A good friend of mine is feeling the pull of the holiday season to the point of trying to accomplish nothing this afternoon except harassing innocent people attempting to do their job. Oh, and he proposes that Beer-Thirty starts at 1:30 today.

Here we go:

A young upper management type strolls to the supply cabinet for a notebook. As he opens the book, he notices that the first page is NOT a ruled sheet of paper, but WTF? It's a survey. Our hero leaps into the fray.....

Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for purchasing this notebook. We would like to have your feedback on what you use this produce for and learn more about you!

Have you purchased this notebook before? YES

If yes, how many of these notebooks do you use per year? 12-15

What is your main use of this notebook (optional)? I mainly use it as a notebook. You know....a book in which I write notes. Though occasionally, I use it as a coaster.

How could we make this product more useful to you? As a notebook, it does its job well. However, if it was a magic notebook that could grant wishes, that would be super. Also, if it could pick my kids up from school, that would be very useful.

Other Comments How about an automatic notebook that would take notes for me? That would allow me to sleep through meetings (just like I sleep through conference calls now).

Shortly after faxing this to the Notebook People, our hero has second thoughts and adds this:

Dear Valued Survey Reader,
After faxing you my survey on the National Brand College Ruled White paper One Subject Notebook (50 Sheets, 11"x8-7/8"), I had some additional thoughts. I shall share them with you now.

As to question three (main use of notebook), I think that I gave you my "main" uses on the original form. I have however, come up with some other uses that I have previously employed with varying degrees of success. These uses include (but are certainly not limited to):

1. Bug killer
2. Table leveler
3. Disciplinary tool for pets and children
4. Fan
5. Projectile in fits of anger
6. Peek-a-boo facilitator
7. Cue card
8. Privacy screen
9. Dust pan
10. Survey Reply Form

I hope that this list will enable you to gain further marketshare in the notebook category. Tools such as your survey must be a true godsend in the notebook wars.

All my best,

P.S. I used your notebook to write this letter. LEGAL PADS SUCK!