Saturday, August 12, 2006

The Solution to the Urban School Problem

Yea, I know that I have a bit of a G_d complex. It's easy to get there when you have all the answers, but this one comes straight from Bean. Not only does she have the face of an angel and the body of a porn star, but she also possesses the mind of Rainman. Wait, that's not quite right. Albert Einstein, then.

Anyhoo, my whole circle (which means approximately 1.2 people) is up-in-arms about the article that I penned dissing Tom Brokaw and his report on Lanier High School in Jackson. Remember, I'm a racist because I don't parrot the Liberal mantra on solving inner city schooling problems. This opinion originated with Bean, so she is the racist now. Send me hatemail for her and I'll pass it on.

There was a conversation this morning regarding one of her family's friends trying to purchase a house in a particular neighborhood to no avail. It seems the covenant of the neighborhood places a limit on the occupancy of each home. "Mike Brady, we don't want your kind here."

This conversation dissolved into one on racism in general, loosely tied to the urban school problem. Mr. Brown, you are sure to be impressed with this idea.

Here we go. Everyone is familiar with the old adage, "There goes the neighborhood." This idea came about when one Black family moved in, property values go down. Forget about Capitalism or cause and effect, it's just about the Black family, right? No, Punkin', it's about supply and demand. When racists decide to move because of their neighbor's skin color, they create an overwhelming supply, while decreasing demand. Ask a farmer, he/she/ambiguous other can explain that concept to you. It's not the Black man, it's the White one.

Now, how does this solve the problem of urban schools? Easy, Sunshine. All we have to do is create a "Get One Family Out Da 'Hood" fund and move that family into a good school district. See the line, Duddits? No?

Okay, I'll keep going. When this ghetto family moves into the gated community up the road, instantaneously other families start to move from the "rich" area creating a glut of housing in that area. Then the prices fall and other poor families move in. Two birds with no stones......

We capitalize on the racism completely and totally. Not only will the teachers at this good school stay in their current positions, but the administration will as well. You know as well as I that once a teacher starts at one school, they are there for the duration. Check your old schools. See if your first grade teacher is still there. No, no, no, do it now. I'll wait.


What did I tell you? Mrs. McCleod is still there isn't she? How old is she now, 700? Biblical ages abound in the public school system. You wanna live forever? Teach English at Murrah.

Now, we take this thing even further to a cyclical never-ending conclusion. When property values decline in the new "poor" neighborhood and the "rich" folks have built another new school to serve Buffy and Chipper, our school should be falling apart for lack of repairs due to lost revenue and tax receipts.

"Load up the Escalade, Jamal, we're moving again!"