Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Uh, How 'Bout Some Nuts?

My good friend of about thirty (30) years, Gnutcase, sends THIS in. The whole article is posted below along with my italicised comments.

Wisconsin Festival Sells Deep-Fried Testicles (ap)

ELDERON, Wis. (May 13) - Around here, it may be tough to pass up anything deep-fried. (I can probably come up with about one million things that I wouldn't eat EVEN if they were deep-fried. Just saying. Could you imagine eating testicles deep-fried? Oh, wait, there's more to the article.)

Wisconsinites (I choose to call them "nuteaters.") have deep-fried cheese curds, candy bars and Twinkies. They now have deep-fried livestock testicles, too. (Mmmmmm, just like Mama used to make.)

More than 300 people paid $5 for all-you-can-eat goat, lamb and bull testicles Saturday at the ninth annual Testicle Festival (Damn, that's funny!) at Mama's Place Bar and Grill in Elderon in central Wisconsin. (This speaks volumes on why Packers fans act so stupid. Damn, that's over $1500 smacks for nads.)

"Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Hoffman said. (Buster, who regularly eats his own excrement from the toilet, obviously.)

Festival founder Nancy Fenske said the festival grew out of her late husband Roger's birthday party 12 years ago. (Do you wonder how Roger died? Anybody? Could it be from eating something's nuts, maybe?) They decided to have "a nut fry" at Mama's Place after bringing back lamb fries from a trip to Montana. (Men the world over are cringing right this moment at the phrase "a nut fry.")

The event grew every year and now they fry up to 100 pounds of testicles, she said. (You know, I've had nightmares that start out with the line "100 pounds of testicles" and they ain't purty, let me tell you.)

"What else can you do in a small town?" Fenske said. (Oh, I don't know, Nancy, let me think.....just about anything under the sun other than eating balls? You know, this is probably the very same Nancy Fenske that developed the game of "How Big an Umbrella Can You Open in Your Ass?")

Butch Joubert, 58, (Who obviously doesn't date regularly, but does use his AOL dial-up to download massive amounts of porn.) likes the parts sandwiched between bread with tartar sauce. (Oh, good goobleddy-goo.) They're not so different from regular meatballs also served at the festival, he said. (Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!)

"After a few beers, (read 620) you can't really tell the difference," Joubert said. (As he lay in the gutter at the Mississippi State Fair in a pool of his own vomit.)

The human species is doomed unless I step in to run things. Effective immediately, anyone that has scarfed nuts must get off my planet. I mean it.