Thursday, December 06, 2007

Heisman Something

Quickly now, the players that were shortlisted for the Heisman are Colt Brennan, Chase Daniel, Darren McFadden, and Tim Tebow. I am confused as to who the four letter wishes to be the final recipient. Not really, that much is obvious. But, I am confused on which ones are which characters, but I'll try to guess.

Tim Tebow-The Thing. Big, dumb, and strong. Knocks stuff over and uses his intellect as much as Jim Rome uses his. Dense as rocks.

Darren McFadden-The Human Torch. Yeah, I know that I said that he was a Revelation biblical character, but we are using different terminology now. Stan Lee said, the Human Torch is "a typical adolescent–brash, rebellious, and affectionately obnoxious".

Colt Brennan-The Damn Girl. Plays in the sand-poundingly bad WAC. Is a big pansy that has never faced any competition and hugs his knees and swoons when someone questions Hawaii's schedule. I bet the big sissy evens cries at night while he hugs one of his dolls.

Chase Daniel-By default, Mister Fantastic. No comparison, he just gets this character because no one outside of Mizzou has ever seen him play. And Stan Lee says, Mr. Fantastic is "appropriately pragmatic, authoritative, and dull". Daniel is especially dull, I'll give him that.

The alternate comparison, given by the four letter, is the Fab Four. I have no idea how to compare college football players to a boy band from the Sixties, but I think that we can all agree that Brennan would be Ringo, the most insignificant Beatle.

Here's a quick opinion, if the Heisman Committee gives the award to Tebow, that means that they believe he is the best college football player EVER. The award has never been given to a sophomore. Tebow is a sophomore. Best ever? Not on your life.

The legitimate winner is McFadden, the big balla' that rolled up on LSU, the eventual National Champion. Do the right thing, for once. Make up for the really, really, bad choice of Troy Smith from tOSU, who was last year's winner and this year's Pro Draft loser, well other than Brady Quinn.