Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Two Dogs Goes to the Cell Phone Store

So the story goes like this.....

I have been with the same company since I first got a "trunk" system installed in my truck way back in 1986, it cost well over three thousand dollars. Around 1990 or so, I also bought the first "brick-phone" model that cost another eighteen hundred. Damn thing was indestructable, too, but I just KNOW that I have brain cancer because of using it. I have had probably ten different phones, but I have had the exact same cell phone number since that time, of course, NOW, you can take your number with you where ever you want, but I think that I should just stick with the same company for the duration. Yes, the company has changed hands a few times, I started with Motorola back in the day, it became Cellular South, that became Cellular One, then Century Cellunet, then Centurytel, then finally Alltel.

I currently have three cell phones and a wireless card with them and trust me, I could get the exact same service (maybe not as stable, nationwide) with anyone else at less than half of what I currently pay. I am doing them a favor. In the past three years, I have purchased two phones, and gotten two free, plus bought the wireless card.

The last couple of times that I have gone into the store, the girl that I usually do business with has told me that I am due for a "FREE" upgrade. Of course, that free upgrade costs money and my phone has always worked fine. The second button fell off of my phone this morning, so I went in to get my free upgrade, because I was about two hours ahead of schedule. The girl that usually helps me was not in, so I went with the next person that could see me. The following conversation took place....

Her: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I would like to get my free upgrade phone.

Her: You better get that idea out of your head.

Me: Excuse me?

Her: Get the idea of "free" out of your head.

Me: Do you talk to all of your customers this way, because I do not have to do business with you.

Her: You do if you want a new phone.

Me: Want to bet?

Her: Yeah.

Me: If you have a job come this afternoon, you better count your blessings, because I am going to pull out all of the stops for the rest of my lifetime to get you fired. (I walked out and made one phone call to Atlanta.)

This is what that conversation sounded like.....

Me: Please do not think that I am an asshole, but one of your idiots in my local store just told me that if I wanted a new phone, I would have to pay for it.

Guy: That is generally the case, sir.

Me: Check my account, please. (I also described exactly how the moron in the store talked to me. Dude was apologetic, but just barely so.)

Guy: (With a major change of attitude.) Wow! I see that you have been with Alltel since January 1994, thank you, sir. What can I do for you?

Me: I have actually been in the same system since 1986, but of course, you have been through some company changes since that time. I would like two new Razr 3's in my mailbox, free of charge before Thursday of this week.

Guy: Not a problem.

Me: Thank you, can you get the girl fired in the store, too?

Guy: No sir, I can't, but her life just became much more miserable at our company. What was her name?

Me: She was not wearing a name tag, did not introduce herself, but she was the only female in the store.

Guy: I'll give you a call back with the updates on that situation. What color phones do you want?

Then we went through all the crap to get the phones, blah, blah, blah. Less than two hours after that conversation was concluded, I received this call.

Me: Hello?

Guy: Mr. Dogs, we are dreadfully sorry for the inconvenience that you experienced in your local store and we have rectified the problem.

Me: You fired her?

Guy: Yes sir. You were not the first person to complain to us about her behavior.

Me: You had to ruin it for me, didn't you?

Guy: Sir?

Me: I wanted to be the sole reason for the increase in unemployment in the country.

Guy: Hahaha! Is there anything else that I can do for you today, Mr. Dogs?

Me: Can you send me a bushel bag of one hundred dollar bills?

Guy: I'll check on that and let you know. Thank you for sticking with Alltel, Mr. Dogs.

Customer service AND justice. You gotta love that from a retailer.

Please take the time to comment.


Dennis said...

Would you handle all my upgrades on some sort of commision basis .... everytime I got for a free upgrade ... I end up paying at LEAST a hundred bucks!

Paul Mitchell said...

Yeah, KSCowboy, for a nominal fee of one hundred dollars for each service rendered.

Beej said...

I think I love you.

Paul Mitchell said...

Did you like that, Beej? that makes you a mean person, covertly.

Beej said...

Good then! I'm trying to live to be 120...although when I think about it, I'm sure I'm gonna run out of interesting and new things to eat by the time I'm 80 so...maybe I don't wanna be 120.

Steve B said...

"You've got to go through me to get a phone."

Holy freakin' freeholays.


Talk about down in flames. HAH! I love it.

Paul Mitchell said...

Steve, I honestly hope that the young lady is no longer disillusioned about exactly how important she is to Alltel. And that I do not have to even speak to her about anything.

I also hope that I never run into her making my burger in the future, but of course that is above her pay grade.

Beej said...

I think I love you.

Beej said...

Good then! I'm trying to live to be 120...although when I think about it, I'm sure I'm gonna run out of interesting and new things to eat by the time I'm 80 so...maybe I don't wanna be 120.