Friday, January 29, 2010

Draft Day for Timbow

While enjoying a breakfast sandwich and a coupla' lattes today, I got to enjoy the humor of reading USA Today Business and Sports sections. The business section was hilarious because they are in competition with Chris Matthews to be Barry Obama's fluffers, but the sports section offered new insights into craziness.

From an article entitled "Scouts take long look at Tebow," by Scott Wood.
An intriguing player is former Florida State safety Myron Rolle, who graduated in 2008 and then spent last year as a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford, deciding to put his potential NFL career on hold.

"The Rolle kid is really interesting. The intangibles are off the charts," Mayock said.

It seems that the NFL scouts actually have a chart for intangibles and they offer it in an Excel™ spreadsheet. I downloaded the spreadsheet and plugged in Rolle's numbers.

What do you know? They are not actually off of the charts. Mike Fucking Mayock LIED.

Here are Rolle's numbers:

Gumption (out of a possible 100): 14.1! He is almost totally devoid of gumption.

Stick-to-it-ness (out of a possible 135) 84! Slightly above the average.

Iciness (out of a possible 7): 48! Even though Rolle's iciness score IS actually off the charts (by almost seven times!), there is an additional plug-in for the Excel™ spreadsheet that lets you measure intangibles that are actually OFF THE CHARTS!!!

There are twelve more intangible metrics on the spreadsheet, yet Rolle only is technically off the charts on Iciness. Let's just skip the rest, mmmmkay?

Personally, I assume that Mayock does not actually have Microsoft Excel™ or if he does, he has no idea how to use it. This is basically why I do not watch or listen to any sportscasters at all. And pro footbaw can blow me.


Please take the time to comment.

10 comments:

(Dead) Tommy 5 said...

I'm sure he didn't do well on the "how to hold your pistol like a gansta" section. They had him on the local sports radio station the other day. He seems like a smart fella.

I almost didn't get tickets to the senior bowl because of Tebow.

Andy said...

Yeah, Myron is kin to Samari I think. He's a sharp cat.

I don't know what he's studying, but he'd probably be better off to stick with the books in the long run. That pro football can screw you up far in to your life for a variety of reasons, and in a variety of ways.

There was another Rolle that was big in football...Lester, maybe? but I can't remember right now.

(Dead) Tommy5 wrote: I almost didn't get tickets to the senior bowl because of Tebow.

Whazzzzup with that? Did Timbow put you on the "do not sell list" at the ticket counter, or something?

Quite possibly the oddest wv ever: kagglymp

Staci said...

Do they have an intangible for "crying"?

paul mitchell said...

Staci, they do not have that intangible, but you can get a rain gauge at the Tru Value store.

Anonymous said...

Myron Rolle will wash out, NFL is such a specialized sport now. You need over whelming talent (if you don't plan to work hard...like Charles Woodson early in his career, or like Earl Campbell who never lifted weights) or an extreme love of the game.

The sport is brutal and you need to either love the sport or have loads of talent and Myron Rolle is no Charles Woodson, let alone Earl Campbell. And since he took a year off to be a Rhodes scholar than play in the NFL says it all, he is not down for this (not willing to give it his all). We'll see what happens when Hines Ward cracks back on him, see if he gets up. If this guy lasts more than 5 years I'll be surprised. Look at Ed Reed (lots o talent) but is he really into football? He is already contemplating retirement (8th year, same for Napolean Kaufman), Ray Lewis is in his 14th year and he wants to keep going....which one loves the game??? If Myron is indeed talented he'll be another Napolean Kaufman, get the money (based on talent alone, no love of the game) and walk away after a few years.

Roderick

Anonymous said...

One more thing if you love football, you'll go out like YA Title....remember that photo of him kneeling down with blood coming off his temple.

That is how somebody who loves the game goes out.

Roderick

Skunkfeathers said...

I lurve the game...from the TV side of my couch ;)

(Dead)Tommy5 said...

Andy, I almost didn't get tickets because they sold out within an hour of Tebow saying he would play. I did get tickets, but I left at the half. It was too damn cold. I also got to see Tebow get off the bus, he was only 20 feet away from me, OMG!!!

It was by accident, they walked right by the beer tent.

(Dead)Tommy5 said...

Andy, I almost didn't get tickets because they sold out within an hour of Tebow saying he would play. I did get tickets, but I left at the half. It was too damn cold. I also got to see Tebow get off the bus, he was only 20 feet away from me, OMG!!!

It was by accident, they walked right by the beer tent.

Staci said...

Do they have an intangible for "crying"?

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