Friday, April 08, 2005

I Have Made the BIGTIME!

I knew that there were no other bloggers that could be better at this posting thing than me, but I had no idea that I would come of age so quickly. And you say, "What in the Hell are you talking about, Two Dogs?"

Yes, I have been the recipient of the trolling for dumbass scheme from the African bankers. I am golden.

Anyway, I have decided that I will craft a response to this wonderful man that is offering me a mere 18.5 million dollars. Damn, it's about time someone wanted to pay me MY reparations and from Africa no less! It's kinda like that old two birds with one stone thing. And for our friend soundboyz, man I am about to collect a bunch of money so how much do you think that I owe you?

The Letter:

Hello Two Dogs,

I am Mr. Smith Bowani, an auditor of a reputable bank in Johannesburg,
Gauteng Province in the Republic of South Africa. I have an urgent and
very confidential business proposition for you.

We had a foreign client named Mr. Chung, Timothy, who deposited a huge
sum of money (18.6 Million United States Dollars), with our bank.
Eventually, this client died in a plane crash and since his death we have
not had anybody come up for the claims as the next of kin.

You may want to take a look at other passengers, who were on the same
plane; here is a site for your

A situation I have monitored closely with my position in the bank. Now
having monitored this deposit and managed it over
the years before his death, and hence nobody has showed up as the next
of kin for the past years I now solicit for your assistance to present
you as the next of kin as every other arrangement/ processes will be
monitored by me and my partner involved. However I got your contact from
a trade consultant here in South Africa, though I did not disclose the
purpose of my seeking for a foreign business partner to him. Although
we will still have to sign some agreement before the final transfer of
the fund into any of your designated bank account.

I have involved a very senior official in the operational department,
and we have agreed that after the transfer of the money into your
account, you shall be entitled to 30% of the total sum, my colleagues and I
will have 65% while 5% will be used to reimburse any expenses incurred.
All necessary precautions have been taken to ensure a risk free
situation on the side of both parties. Please note that this deal can only
take place on the following conditions;
1. Absolute confidentiality and sincerity will be required and
guaranteed, considering our positions in the bank.
2. Assurance that our own share will be released to us in good faith
when this money finally gets into your account.
Please treat with utmost confidentiality. Contact me as quickly as
possible through my e-mail.

Expecting your urgent response,

Best Regards,
Mr. Smith Bowani


My Dear Mr. Smith Bowani,
You can hardly imagine my utter dismay upon learning of my dear, dear Uncle Chunky Tim's passing. My sister/wife and I are absolutely distraught. I may never be the same again. Uncle CT (that's what we called him) was a wonderful man that taught us many fun games as children. One of my favorites was 'Hijack the Plane and Crash It'. I just never knew that he might actually get to play this game for real, sho'nuff.

Anyhoo, since my contacts in the humongous South African trading company with which I do business have thought you an honest businessman, I guess that I should trust you completely without asking any questions about your undying loyalty to Uncle CT. I just didn't know that Uncle CT was privy to my tradings in South Africa. I thought that I had kept these transactions secret from the rest of the cabal, I mean 'family'. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

With all that said, I must respectfully decline that I make any contributions of my account numbers until the point where my 37.2 million dollars has been deposited into your account. No, no, no, in my religion, Dogma, we will never accept millions of dollars from anyone until they accept double the amount from us. I absolutely insist on this, Mr. Smith Bowani, for if I do not follow the teachings of the Great and Powerful soundboyz, I shall never be allowed into the Kingdom of Badunkadunkdunk. Believe me, Mr. Smith Bowani, I would never do anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, that would jeopardize that. You see, I WORSHIP the badunkadunkdunk. All hot-blooded dawgs do.

Please contact me again at your earliest convenience at my spammer mail account like you did before. Please remember to include in the subject line: "I worship the Badunkadunkdunk"

Oh, and tell my friend, Mr. Very Senior Official in the Operational Department, if he keeps giving out my e-mail address to every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a few million dollars lying around, I am going to KICK. HIS. ASS. I am sooooooo sick of getting all this free money from all of my stupid-ass relatives that get killed in the dumbest ways possible. I am absolutely terrified everytime that I crank up my El Camino thinking that hordes of killer weasels are about to attack my testicles.

Best Wishes and may the Great and Powerful soundboyz bless your thong,
Love ya!
Two Dogs

PS: Please hurry, this 37.2 millions dollars is burning 'a-hole' in my pocket.

UPDATE: I'll keep y'all posted of further developments.



Paul Mitchell said...

The picture posting is coming soon. Why is everyone so enthralled with seeing what I look like? Oh, and where's the pictures of you and Imara?

Wayne World said...

>Oh, and where's the pictures of you and Imara?

I NEVER said that I was going to post a picture!!YOU did!!!!Oh, and I think Imara said that she MIGHT, but I doubt that!!!Post up, nucca!!

Erik Grow said...

These people are a real piece of work. My line of work is internet fraud, not this type exactly, but the same mentality of people do this as well as hacking and so on. You would be surprised at how many people get duped by this. Mostly older people. It's a shame. Most of the type that you posted about come from Nigeria.

Wayne World said...

> Soundboyz,

I think I have found a pic of you.

Nzyme, where did you get that from. I have been looking for that since I graduated .Oh, i'm the one in the tight ass vest looking UN-comfortable.

Wayne World said...

And just so you know ,the other people are Imara's father, Imara, and Imara's mother pictured from left to right.

Paul Mitchell said...

Oh, good lord. That was funny.

Wayne World said...

> Oh, good lord. That was funny.

Why did you find that funny? I don't see a picture of you anywhere!Anyway, doesn't Imara look fine? Man, I was so nervous because that was the first time I met her folks.They were nice though. Actually, her dad was the one who let me borrow his old vest.I thought I was going to pass out , it was so tight !!!

Paul Mitchell said...

You are kidding. Nzyme is kidding, too.

Wayne World said...


The school must have taken that one and posted it on their site!!!It wasn't me!!Don't worry, the rest are locked up in a safe place!!!!Oh.........nevermind!!!!

Paul Mitchell said...

Dear Crazy People, stop it.

Paul Mitchell said...

Can I have your phone number too?

Wayne World said...

Two Dogs, what's up with that . You don't see me pushing up on rightwingsparkle or Comanche, well except for that one time. Anyway, my point is that you can't handle a sistah!!!!You need to stick with Ann Coulter and any other Olive Oil looking skeletors!!!Leave the sishahs to me!! All of a sudden, you're all for reparations, huh?You need to research the badunkadunk some more because I think you don't know what you're getting yourself into(no pun)!!Check out "get low" if you get a chance also!!

Wayne World said...

Imara .....get your ASS back to the blog..........NOW!!!!!!!!!

Paul Mitchell said...

Mutated nymphomaniac calico tiger whores. That pretty damn hard to type while looking at it. Thanks for playing, Tom. Come back to see us, you hear?

Biognome said...

Two Dogs (if that is indeed your real name),
you are funny! I laughed my ass off on this article. Just to reward you I clicked some of your ad links.

Paul Mitchell said...

Thanks, Dale, if that is your name. Just a few days ago, it was something like Calderyn Blacerfulington. I shall return the favor.