Monday, August 15, 2005

Rolling in the Dust

Those that have read my blog in the past will know that I have a thing about answering "Get Rich Quick" letters and today is no exception. Something is amiss with this one because it rings a bell with a past LETTER. I think that these people MIGHT be fudging the truth a tad, but it's always best to believe that people are basically good. Maybe I'm wrong, let's see.

The Letter:

Dear Mr. Dogs,

Mr Sani And Sister Need You Help.

I Hope This Mail Meets You In Good Health And Spirit, I Am, Sani Mohamed, A Sierra Leonia. Presently, I Live As A Refugee In republic of Senegal Dakar , With My Younger Sister,Mariam.

I Am A Victim Of War And The Son Of Late Chief Dr.Us man .Mohamed The Assassinated Former Assistant Director Of Sierra Leone Gold And Diamond Mining Corporation.

My Father Was Killed With Other Government Officials During Official Hours When The Rebel Troops Stormed And Raided The Mining Corporation Office At The Heat Of The Crisis In My Country.

A Few Weeks Later, The Rebels Also Invaded Our Residential Building In Which My Mother And Two Of Our Security Men Were Killed In The Compound While I Was Out For A Special Research Program And My Younger Sister Was In School.

I Had A Singular Shock And Trauma, Which Compelled Us To Flee From The Country To republic of Senegal Dakar By The Help Of An Army Colonel, Who Is A Close Friend Of My Late Father, I Have First Degree In Marketing And Would Have Further My Education If Not For The Death Of My Parents.

I Have Never Worked To Earn My Living Since My Late Parents Had Enough Wealth For Us.

I Am Contacting You Now Because Of The Present Difficulty I Am Facing. Unfortunately My Father's Two Accounts In West Africa Have Recently Been Frozen.

However This Did Not Affect The Twenty Million And Six Hundred Thousand Dollars (Us$20,600,000), Which He Kept In a security company in Senegal Dakar.

For Now, I Am Having Every Information And Document Needed For The Clearance Of The Money In The security company Here In Senegal Dakar And I Want You To Act As The Beneficiary Of The Fund For Easy And Smooth Transfer To Your Account Abroad For Investment Purposes.

You Will No Doubt Be Adequately Compensated With As Well As A Percentage Of The Profit From Investment Of The Fund. Also You Will See To It That My Sister And I Come Over To Your Country At The Earliest Possible Time. I Am Making This Request To You With Tears In My Eyes And I Feel That God Almighty Will Touch You With His Spirit To Listen To My Cry For Help And Answer Me Without Delay.

Since Our Breadwinner Is No More And This Is The Only Hope For Life. You Positive Response Will Give Me The Greatest Joy And Relief.

God Bless You For Your Kind Assistance We Have Agreed To Offer You 20% Of The Total Sum. Seriously Waiting For Your Urgent Reply.

Best regard

Mr.Sani & Sister

The Two Dogs Response:

You damn annoying little Quince,

Alrighty then! Listen up Sani, I tried to type like you and it got me so damn mad that I chunked my laptop across the room. Thank goodness for all the generous folks at all the damn mining corporations around the world that have embezzled money and socked it away for their whiny kids. I luckily have seventy-four computers that I have purchased for that sole purpose.

Dammit, how in the world do you type like that? I guess that you wear out the caps lock key every month. It is so damn distracting I had to go outside and kick my neighbors kid just to finish reading your mail.

Sorry, where were we again? Ah, yes, the show. Was your dad a doctor or was his name simply "Dr. US-man"? Freaky, dude. I guess that it takes all types though.

Well enough of the chit-chat, let's get down to business. What does your sister look like? Can you send me some pictures? Just make sure that you are not in them. Just the girl, please. You see, I am currently experiencing a, shall we say, drought in the romance department. I even put up a personals ad on some website last week. Man, those people are creepy.

Sani, I know that we have never met but I feel as if I have known you my entire life. Do you have a "Dukes of Hazzard" tattoo like me? (I have attached a picture, show it to your sister) I need friends like you and I am more than willing to send you my banking information.

Hit me back on my spammer account and wipe those damn tears sissy-boy. Oh, and Sani, if you ever type another message in this same manner, I will drop everything that I am doing right now, fly to where you are, and WHIP. YOUR. ASS.

Oh, and tell Mariam that I said "Duh-huh", she'll know what you mean.

Peace out,
Two Dogs

I'll keep y'all posted on developments.