Sunday, January 29, 2006

An Idiot's Guide to the Bill of Rights-Amendment Six

Hey, it's time to know your Constitution again! For all you 'Splodeydopes, I bring you Amendment Six.

Amendment Number Six: In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

More of the damn legal stuff. But this one is easy.

The accused (indicted criminal) gets to go to court quickly and loudly. This allows him/her/ambiguous a forum to hear the facts of the case against him/her/ambiguous. Granted, the court is paid by the same folks that pay the police, but no system is perfect.

The jury is chosen from registered voters in the place where the alledged crime took place. Under extreme circumstances, the jury can be pulled from another place if needed due to pre-trial publicity and stuff like that. You gotta keep in mind that the only people that actually have to serve on a jury are the same folks sitting at home and watching Oprah. Yep, they are NOT the sharpest tools in the shed. (Think O.J.)

The accused (indicted criminal) gets to hear the state's case and to glare menacingly at the witnesses. (Think Tookie.) He/she/ambiguous also gets to present their witnesses to rebut the state's case. Funny thing about criminals, they always have an alibi from some of the most upstanding citizens in the free world.

And to add insult to injury, we (taxpayers) have to pay for all this.

Just remember, if you have a beef against someone, you can press charges and have them arrested for that. Then you have to pay for their legal expenses, their housing, food, exercise equipment, and drugs.

So, do think twice about calling the law dogs on that dude that robbed you blind. It might be cheaper in the long run to just go buy new stuff.