Sunday, October 07, 2007

Captain Obvious Loves College Football!

Okay, let's get the most obvious stuff out of the way first. The PAC-10 sucks, it's always sucked and it WILL always suck. The only reason that USC ever gets ranked is because they play in the PAC-10, they do not play anyone that is worth a flaming crap, and the sportswriters that vote for them are on the west coast and don't want to piss off the guys that supply their weed. Remember, sportwriters and sportscasters are generally really, really stupid people. As far as an intelligence ranking goes, about the only professions that these jock-heads rank above in intelligence are public school teachers or federal politicians. Does that explain exactly how stupid they are? (Do understand that there are some good public school teachers and politicians, but they are in the small, small minority, so please, Einstein, hold those hate mails. I do, for the most part, enjoy getting the hate mail, but you guys that send stuff about how smart teachers are, just really need to go back to work at the Starbucks and get me a latte.)

Just know this: When I saw the headline on the frontpage of the Four-Letter Networks webpage, I thought that they were shutting down ESPN. "Stop The Insanity", indeed. Oh well, you can't always get what you want. And do I really want them to shut down? No, I just wish that they would broadcast on mute, because there exist in this country, people that do not know that the people on ESPN have no clue about sports at all and those same people actually vote. Footnote: Jim Rome, damn what a moron, but still, I listen to his show daily.

On to the show. Yesterday, the daunted USC Trojans were upset by the Cardinal of Stanford. Yes, Stanford is named after a color, not a bird. I think that they actually purchased the name from a WNBA team that failed before it even got off the ground, but that is neither here nor there. Could you actually come up with a more suiting name for them? I'm thinking "The Panty-Wearing Booty-Boys" but I think that name is already taken by John Edwards and it's my pet name for USC.

As an aside, I could go into the comparisions between the Big-12 and the SEC, but is there really any reason to do that? Even Texas and OU fans know better than that.

Let's take a gander at the PAC-10 schools and you tell me who Mississippi State should add to their schedule for homecoming. Just looking at the teams, it would be a safe bet to add any of them.

Arizona State Sun Devils
UCLA Bruins
California Golden Bears
USC Trojans
Oregon Ducks
Oregon Sate Beavers
Arizona Wildcats
Stanford Cardinal
Washington Huskies
Washington State Cougars

Not one of these jumps out at me to be a powerhouse, oh except for those damn Sun Devils simply because of their quality win over Colorado who plays in the Big-12. I almost threw up laughing just then. The Big-12, ha.

Okay, let's get to the gist of this article, I think that I have bashed all those that I had in mind. Now, let's talk football, conferences, and National Championships.

The Southeastern Conference is by far the best conference in the nation, always has been, always will be. There have six, count 'em, six different SEC Champions in the last ten years. There are twelve teams in the Conference since 1992, before there were ten. Of the twelve, three have never won the championship, they are South Carolina, Arkansas, and Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt did win National Championships quite a few times before the SEC was formed, but they were playing against teams like Harvard, Michigan, USC, and Pennsylvania, so it doesn't really count to anyone that knows sports. South Carolina and Arkansas have only been in the conference since 1992. Also, my alma mater last won it in 1941, but then again, Mississippi State s-u-c-k-s. Get upset, y'all, but it's true.

Okay, in all sports, the SEC only won eight National Championships LAST YEAR, including football, men's and women's basketball, men's and women's swimming and diving, gymnastics, men's tennis, and bowling. Hey! Vanderbilt won the bowling thing, but then again, their student body is mostly made of lily-white crackers from the hill country. The SEC has also won a total of 160 national championships since 1933. That is 2.162 National Championship a year. Impressive.

Not only that, the SEC has won a total of 23 National Championships in football in those same 74 years. That is once every 3.217 years. Plus add to this total the ten national championships that future SEC teams won before the conference was formed. Damn, thirty-three in one hundred and seven years. No other conference comes close. USC likes to say that they have won the most National Championships in football, but that is simply because they don't count Alabama as a team. Alabama has won three more than USC, by the way, if you count before the SEC was formed. If you don't, then yes, USC has won 13 and Alabama only 11, with USC getting 30 more years to do their damage.

I have read almost every article today on the 4-Letter and every single one of the articles, I could completely discredit, so I will just say this; if you are a betting person and you get your information from any source that is affiliated with ESPN, please call and get my checking account number. You can just deposit that money in my account and for you it is basically the same thing as wagering. You lose your money, but at least I am happy.

And, look at the underlined stuff on the frontpage of 4-Letter. Those are the items that made me laugh. Especially the Ron Zook thing. He's awesome according to ESPN, but he got f-i-r-e-d from Florida because he sucked. How far is the tumble from coaching Florida, one of the premier SEC teams to coaching the Fighting Illini of the Big-10? Uh, can you add to infinity?

How about the Notre Dame drops UCLA for the first win of 2007? I was reading this headline and thinking that the fans of ND would not have to watch their Irish play UCLA because they were dropped from ND's schedule. That WOULD be a win for Catholics everywhere. And of course the headline tells nothing about the story. One bunch of white dudes beat another bunch of white dudes. WOW!

Remember, here on this blog we have no problems telling the truth. Black football players are better than white football players. Is it a racial thing? Well obviously, because black football players are better than white football players. Okay, maybe there aren't a bunch of Black quarterbacks that are any good, but does the quarterback really do anything? All I can tell that he does is put his hands up the ass of a big white dude and then hand the ball to a black guy or throw the ball to a black guy. The real reason that there are few black quarterbacks is simply because black guys DO NOT like putting their hands in another dude's ass. For some reason, I am with the black guys on this one. Call me "Toby" on that one.

UPDATE at the same time I posted: The Big-10 has eleven teams, which brings to mind that Spinal Tap stuff. DiBergi: "Why don’t you just make 10 louder and make 10 be the top number, and make that a little louder?" Nigel (after taking a moment to let this sink in): "These go to 11."