Saturday, November 24, 2007

It's Official, G-d Hates Louisiana

Revelation 6:7-8 7 When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!" 8 I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.

Remember, I am Catholic, so the interpretation of the Bible is kinda confusing to me, we worship the dead Jesus and study the Bible in its literal intent. Catholics are taught that the things contained in the Bible are not figurative, but literal. But, from all of the prophesy that I read in y'all's (plural possessive) way of worship, Darren McFadden is obviously the rider of the pale horse or at the very least, the wild beasts of the Earth. That much is clear.

The BCS took another flying Van Dam splits, helicopter kick to the old leather pouch yesterday and it appears at first glance that the winner of the Kansas-Mizzou game will be in the driver's seat with the West Virginia Byrd-Loving Klansmen or the Ohio State Hand-Party being the other team in the Championship.

The one thing that I would like to say regarding THE game yesterday is that LSU could not do a damn thing about Darren McFadden. It is like they didn't even take into account that the premier candidate for the Heisman played at Arkansas. Don't think that I believe D-Mac is going to win the Heisman, they usually give the Heisman to someone who is really small and BAD at football, (ie: Troy Smith, QB, tOSU-2006) but D-Mac wins it hands down in the Two Dogs Poll. Two hundred six (206) yards and three touchdowns spelled trouble for the Bayou Bengals. Oh, and the fact that G-d hates Louisiana or at a bare minimum, Governor Kathleen Blanco.

Word on the street was that Blanco and Arkansas governor Mike Beebe had one of those idiotic governor bets that went like this: If LSU won, Mike Beebe was going to strip naked, wear one of those humongous stuffed penises on his head, showing his tits, and be showered with Mardi Gras beads from a bunch of drunks on the balconies of the French Quarter and if Arkansas won, Blanco would have all of her front teeth pulled so she could attend one of the shows at Hot Springs where the flogging of Black people is the center of attention.

Also understand that LSU just cannot go the distance in a game that continues for seven quarters. They have no stamina at all. Get ready, Michigan, Les Miles is no believer in strength and endurance training. Both LSU losses this year have come in triple overtime, making LSU have the longest season of any college football team this year. Well, except for maybe The Catholics, who have set a standard for a new low for them. Their season has lasted literally forever.

So, we go into the Week 13 weekend knowing that the Jayhawks are in the driver's seat. According to my calculations, they have the number 14 or 15th ranked defense in the country. Mizzou is somewhere around 50th. That spells trouble for the now highest ranked Tigers in the BCS.

Bring on the mediocre weekend games!

Footnote: My alma mater, the We Suck Bulldogs, pulled out a fourth quarter win against their in-state rivals, the We Didn't Win an SEC Game for the First Time in Eighty Years Ole Miss Rebels. Ole Miss is probably a better team than State, State just got really lucky this year. Oh, Hell. I lied. Ole Miss is terrible this year and almost beat State until Coach O started slinging the ball around the yard even with a big lead. Since the Coach O hiring debacle, Ole Miss has done away with the playing of Dixie, waving of the Battle flag, the mascot, Colonel Reb, and every bit of tradition at the University of Mississippi, including attempting to win college football games. Ole Miss couldn't win even if they played in the Big 12.

UPDATE: A mere two weeks after Dr. Robert Khayat, Chancellor of Ole Miss, denied rumors of Coach O's impending termination, Coach O was terminated.

According to the story from, there are obviously a bunch of damn questions, hence, so many damn question marks in the article or either they can't figure out HTML. Most papers would hire someone that has actually used a computer, but the spokesman for the Clarion-Ledger said, "The computer is never going to ever replace the newspaper for people. It is so very difficult to use a computer, Fortran and COBOL are difficult to learn, and they are so big that they fill up entire rooms. Who would put up with that or could ever afford it?"

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