Monday, November 05, 2007

The Plight of Suze Orman

Since Bean has pointed out that I am a racist and that I hate "brown people" (she actually said that), I have decided to hit on another group of humans--Democrats.. Today's topical rant will be on the ever prized SUZE ORMAN. She is to morons what make-up is to ugly people. If it makes you feel better about yourself, well then by all means stay in the realm of the idiotic.
Her show is what we like to call 'stooooopid', but we continue to prove to the world, the mass amount of idiots that reside in our great country thanks to democratic reforms. Since she contributes to the Democrat Party funding, it explains her obvious plot to help other great Democrats by listening to their questions like "I make 53K a year and I want to buy a 110K boat. Can I afford it?" or "Is it ok to give my husband a bigger allowance?" and providing them with answers that if they had opted to be Republican, they would already have the common sense to answer. Unfortunately for Bean, it seems her ma has been brain warped by Oprah into buying a Suze book (those damned Democrats).

If you've ever seen her show then you know as much as I do that anyone with five brain cells could string together the advice she gives. Not too surprisingly she is the last thing from an expert. She went to school at the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign. UIUC is considered a Public Ivy League school..Now I don't know bout y'all but I ain't never heard of a public school that was Ivy League...that's like saying gourmet government cheese sandwich...I digress. Her BS was in social work and we all know that women are good at the social part (Bean is shooting beams out of her eyes at this point). After giving up on her dreams of preventing dumb people from procreating and hitting on each other, she threw it all away and went to Berkely, CA with a friend. There she worked, from 1973-1980 at the Buttercup Bakery before going to work for Merrill Lynch as an account executive for three years. After that she worked for Bache & Amp, Co. as VP of Investments for four years. I want to point out that she stayed at Buttercup Bakery longer than she held any job in the financial industry--she can add expert waitress to her list of successes. I also shudder to add that she started a business from 1987-1997 called the Suze Financial Group. I challenge anyone to find something on this group. I would love to hear why her group no longer exists or even if it exists to this day. As much as I know Democrats use their brains (.......)I can hardly believe that Leftists would blindly follow a botched attempt at a financial group, but then again, we are talking about Democrat logic. After that, it was Oprah. We all know that once you get several spots on Oprah, you automatically get your own show.

Her television persona relates to all Democrat groups in America. Her popped collar helps her relate to the lesser educated (and by that I mean obviously if you went to a decent school you would have been taught that Democrat= Bad/ Republican = Good) young'ns and the "brown folks". Her awesomely bad tan helps her to relate to the middle working class (her inability to find time to stand five minutes anywhere in the sun shows her hardworking ethics) and her admittance to being a lesbian helps her to associate with the gay and lesbian communities . And last but not least, her awesomely neon white teeth help her to associate with the rest of the shallow pool of America. Hmm...seems just like the same demographics for those great damned Democrats.

So, for $23.00 you can buy her book so that she can tell you that instead of spending money on gas, carpool so you can save a few pennies or be sure to check your sofa for loose change OR you can simply follow the great Republican advice of the Two-Dogs financial $23 dollars by not wasting it on her book.

UPDATE: By the way, this article was posted by my alter ego, Bean. Cuss her out, not me. And she is slick, boy, she'll comment as me, too.