Friday, January 25, 2008

All Aboard the Global Warming Train!

I have been wrong in this global warming climate change thing. I withdraw all of my previous statements and am now becoming an activist to fight this dreadful thing that will kill all animals on the planet by next year's end. However, I have come up with an idea to accomplish what no other SCIENTIST (I'm is one, now.) has been able to imagine.

Here's a little background on my awesomeness. The software that I use daily is called Autocad. When you have licensing for a legal copy, something that I never had when employed at a "legitimate" design firm, they send you updates for glitches that were inherent to the program. I never knew how good this program was when all the patches were installed.

This morning in my inbox was a link to an Autocad charity organization. It's called Ten Billion Acres. They are one of the conductors on this overly guided train. HERE's the link. They say, since 1492, ten billion acres of trees have been wiped out, forcing algae to create the majority of the oxygen for our atmosphere. They also take Al Gore to task about being wrong and then strangely ape pretty much everything that he said. Odd date that they cite, seems like something important happened then, damn if I can remember what though, I'm stupid now that I have become an activist.

Since there are more trees now in this country, than there were then, which is indisputable, we can safely assume that all the other countries are doing all of the damage to our climate. Whew! Glad it ain't us. So, therefore I will be traveling to the other 235 some odd countries trying to get money to replant the trees that they have cut down, insuring our destruction. I am sure that they will see the light, now that it is their fault and the United States does not have to pay for it. We absolutely KICK ASS!!!!

Anyhoo, I have done some calculating on this ten billion acres, and to replant will not upset many folks at all. As a matter of fact, I have graciously offered to replant ALL ten billion acres in this country, which had not one damn thing to do with causing global warming. I have restricted the replanting to some very localized areas to minimize the effects on the population of this commune we choose to call Earth.

Since this country is around 24 billion acres, I am sure that together we can come up with the required ten billion acres. That is where you come in. I have already parsed the obvious areas where few thinking people live and the respective acreage of those areas, you simply send in the rest and I will prepare my speech for the other countries. I am so excited, I finally get to see how people in the Sudan feel about global warming!

Here's my list:
  1. New York City 4,300,800 acres
  2. Washington DC 43,712
  3. Los Angeles 1,067,456
  4. San Francisco 2,225,936

I already have almost eight million acres. See how easy this is? The Left just wants a problem with which to bash you over the head. I am offering solutions.

Get to work people.

Please take the time to comment, we have to save the planet.