Friday, January 04, 2008

Iowa Has Spoken, We're Screwed

Bean filled me in on the Democrat winner in the Iowa Caucuses this morning, so I actually checked the results. All I have to say about the caucuses is this, we are friggin' screwed. By "we," I mean the people that actually work and pay taxes. And by "screwed" I mean, if the Iowa Caucuses had anything to do with who is elected President. Iowa doesn't do too well in determining the eventual candidates in the general elections.

Obama and Huckabee won. This means that the people in Iowa are idiots. I hope that doesn't offend actual idiots.

"Hey, Two Dogs, what the Hell is a caucus, or Hell an Iowa, and why do I care?" You do not understand the process? Lemme tell you.

The way it's done in the Democrat Party is you go to the caucus place, school, library, whatever, and you and your neighbors try to convince each other for thirty minutes to vote for your boy, or lesbian in the case of Hillary. After that thirty minutes, a vote is held. Votes are tabulated and the losers are weeded out according to viability. Then another vote is held and the winners are announced.

The Republican process is a little different because they actually use a secret ballot. There are no names on a blank sheet of paper. The folks sit and listen to campaign talk and then write down their candidates name. Most of these people cannot read or write and have the attention span of a puppy. Then those votes are tabulated and given to the state Republican Party, who then announces the winner. The Party does not have to release the vote totals and can pick whoever they want to win. This year, Rudy got four (4%) percent of the vote, behind Ron Paul with ten (10%) percent. That is absolutely crazy.

That being said, what have they done historically as far as showing who will eventually win? Please understand that less than one (1%) percent of the National delegates are chosen in the Iowa Caucuses, that means that they have very little to do with electing a President. Couple that with the way they "vote" and you have nothing of any consequence going on in Iowa other than a bunch of folks get together to eat pie and talk about corn.

Good news from the Caucuses? Absolutely. Dodd and Biden have thrown in the towel, removing the two most crooked candidates from the race. There should be an amendment added to the Constitution that keeps those two crooks out of any public office and in jail.

Just so you know, my candidate, Duncan Hunter, garnered a whopping ONE (1%) percent. The media is going to tell you that the races were close, but as usual, they are lying. Obama smoked the competition by over eight (8%) percent and Huckabee won by over nine (9%) percent.

Iowainanians, you people are exceedingly stupid and your women are ugly.