Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Coupla' Words About Brett Farhve Farve Favre

"And the Atlanta Falcons select Brett Favor from the University of Mississippi, uh, Southern Mississippi." That is how he came into pro-football.

Bloggers broke the story of Brett's retirement on Sunday, today is Tuesday and Jay Glazer at FOX Sports claimed that HE, Jay Glazer, broke the story, TODAY. I heard that TODAY from HIM, Jay Glazer, even though I knew that Brett retired on Sunday, because I read sports BLOGS. Sportscasters suck, especially, HIM, Jay Glazer of FOX Sports. Oh, and Jim Rome, he sucks, too, but for totally different reasons, but still I listen so I can yell at that inanimate object in the dashboard. It kinda keeps other drivers away from my car that is visibly swerving from lane to lane as I pound viciously against the dash. You too can learn the Two Dogs method of clear driving with a donation of a mere 650 smacks to the Two Dogs School of Getting Your Way on the Interstate Highways of America Driving School School. The name of the school kinda needs some pithying up, but the quality of instruction is overwhelmingly mediocre. Damn, if I only had a Pay-Pal account.

Anyhoo, I also heard Favre's ma talking today about how "She was glad for the man that he grew up to be." Could that be because Brett was her only kid to not kill someone and have to do prison time, or are there other reasons, too? Brett's sister participated in a drive-by in New Orleans, and her estranged husband got dead in a weird four wheeler accident, plus Brett's brother did some time for vehicular manslaughter. Brett did not have to produce too damn much to be the pride of the family, but in my mind he did. His dad seemed pretty okay, too.

Another idiotic comment that I heard was someone comparing Favre to Ripken. Let's make fun of that for a minute. Uh, Ripken played baseball and the commenter actually said that even though Ripken and Favre played different "positions," their mentality was the same towards the game. Yeah, they DID play different positions, help me out here, who exactly plays shortstop for the Packers now? Or who was quarterback of the Orioles back when Ripken was playing? I am just not an American League fan, I don't keep up with who PUNTS for the Yankees, either.

This guy went to work every Sunday and played the game the way that it was supposed to be played, on the football field, wearing a uniform and a helmet, with another ten guys on the field at the same time, with a football, on Sunday, some Mondays, and an occasional Wednesday or Saturday, with a Thursday here and there thrown in for good measure. But, NEVER on Tuesday, never. Oh, and no Fridays either, that is not the way to play the game, on Friday? Are you crazy?

Oh, and along the way, Brett picked up an admirer, John Madden. Madden's lava-hot flaming man-crush on Brett Favre was the epitome of man-crushes, kinda like mine was for Eric Dampier. (Don't ask.) Every time that I heard Madden talking about Favre, I felt really uncomfortable, like John wasn't wearing pants and the cameraman was just saving me from the trauma of seeing Madden without pants. *Shudder* I think that is why Madden holds that damn microphone in such a funny death-grip because his other hand is doing the Brady Quinn handparty while his eyes are boring a hot-white hole through a picture of Brett Favre wearing skin-tight Wrangler jeans that is taped to the wall right above the cameraman's head. That's just gay.

Now, I said all that to say this, I like the Packers. They play football outside in the harshest conditions known to man. Their fans are stark raving lunatics, my kinda fans. Forty below? "Why Hell yeah, I am going to the game! We're tailgating! I got a new pair of Sun-Britches for the game, they're dark green with a white G!" The party that IS grilling while wearing a t-shirt with the number four on it is something that I will always want to do, as long as it is in Green Bay and there are four feet on snow on the ground. If there is anyone in Green Bay that will invite me to come up and go to a winter game up there, e-mail me. I will be there in a flash. I, Two Dogs, guarantee that I will bring the most brats ever seen in the same place at the same time. On my honor, this is my pledge.

Here's a tribute to one of the game's last real heterosexual guys. Brett, cheers, it's been great. I'm tearing up. (Insert that Jewish slogan right here, I can't remember what they say, I'm Catholic.)

Please take the time to comment.

(Hat-Tip: Stop the Neocons. You go read that site, he/she/ambiguous is voting for Barry.)

UPDATE: Already the sports blogs are talking about Favre actually NOT retiring, from With Leather- So Brett Favre is retiring, until someone convinces he should come back for one more year. Golly, I sure hope NFL writers and bloggers can keep the speculation alive. And by "keep the speculation alive" I mean "get cancer, go through several months of agonizing chemo, start to show signs of remission, and die in a hospital fire just after the doctor tells them they're going to make it."


Trenton Powers-Mellencamp said...

I, Two Dogs, guarantee that I will bring the most brats ever seen in the same place at the same time. On my honor, this is my pledge.

IMO (in my opinon) its kind of tacky to bring kids into this. You should offer to bring a food or drink instead

Arcticman Speaks! said...

For $500 you, two dogs, can spend a week this summer in Alaska attending my "Why does everything have to be so FUCKING HARD!" construction seminar. Air fare is extra.

Paul Mitchell said...

You know, Arcticman, you might want to pithy up the name of your summer seminar, too. Try, "Even DEET won't kill these fucking mosquitoes!" Or something equally catchy.

Alaska is most definitely on my travel list. Glacier Bay is one place that I have always wanted to see, for as long as I can remember. And Bean's racist parents live there, too, it's a win-win situation.

Arcticman Speaks! said...

Look me up if you can get to Kachemak Bay. Fishing for Halibut is fun.