Saturday, May 03, 2008

Hate Mail!

I have no idea what prompted this e-mail. I don't discuss homosexuality that damn much on this blog. Actually, I don't discuss heterosexuality that much on this blog either, even though I am the straightest guy that I know. If you saw Bean in a pair of jeans, you would understand. (Anyhoo, all of my friends are much more gay than me.)

I received this a few minutes ago and had to offer a piece of advice to the e-mailers. If you are going to send me an e-mail, at least let me know what post prompted your contact, so I can make an educated response to your constructive criticisms. I write this blog for you and you alone. Yes, you are the most important person in this world to me and I take every bit of opinion from the readers to heart and follow the polling trends to what sells because dammit, I love you and want you to be happy. Yes, even if making you happy includes e-mailing me death threats.

Now, when sending e-mails to someone that you do not know, it might be a good idea to at least strive for a fifty percent grammatically correct note. I think that fifty percent is easily doable for most folks.

Now to the content of the e-mail.

I am not now, nor have I ever been bigoted or sexist. I am also quite sure that there exist in Mississippi people that do bat from your side of the plate, too. And I would guess that they do so at a rate comparable to the rest of the entire world, unless you are saying that there is something in the water in some areas that makes people choose to be homosexual. In that case, I think that we need to get the HAZMAT teams to San Francisco and Key West post haste.

Furthermore, to say that you do not choose to be homosexual tends to give the impression that you are of a mind that homosexuality is wrong. You say, "I am gay, but I didn't choose it! I was born that way!" I do hope that you acknowledge the problem with your argument there, Kevin. I have pointed that out before.

You see, my philosophy is this, what goes on in your bedroom is your personal business. When you bring that out of your bedroom, you are forcing your personal business into my life and I do not like that. I do not care to know what you do in private. And Hell NO, do not send any photos, either.

Now, homosexuals that are extremely embarassed by having this illiterate moron in your midst need to take him aside and pound him furiously about the head with your man-purse or whatever you call that thing.

Please take the time to comment.

Dang, it's like the dipshits are coming from the woodwork to bash my state today.