Sunday, June 15, 2008

Imma Bad Consumer

I rarely watch television, but most of the programming I watch has nothing but beer commercials. I do listen to the radio, but I mentally tune those commercials out completely. That said, when I go to purchase any item, I usually read the labels and such. I started doing that when I spawned and wanted my son to eat healthy foods. Oddly enough, at that point, I actually discovered that Fruit Loops have the EXACT same vitamins and minerals as Raisin Bran. Funny huh? Wonderbread is as healthy as whole grain wheat. If you do not believe me, read the damn nutrition label yourself. I made Bean do that just last week and she was nonplussed. Wimmen!

Anyhoo, this post is about deodorant or antiperspirant, whichever. Mitchum, to be specific. I had no idea that they had a national advertising campaign that rivals Travelocity in its stupidity, but they do. Check it out.

This is NOT from the package that I purchased, the one that I bought reads, "If your socks almost match, then you're a Mitchum man." Holy shit! If you are so incompetent that you cannot place the socks together that actually match in brand, color, texture, and style, well, then just dammit, you are our type of customer.

I got a million of those slogans for them, free of charge of course.

"If you need a depth gauge on your Q-Tips, you are a Mitchum man."

"If you painted the barrels of your guns red so you can know the business end of them, you are a Mitchum man."

"If you forget to remove the plunger, much to your dismay, when you are finished using it, you are a Mitchum man."

"If clamshell packaging is the pinnacle of your mechanical knowledge, then you are a Mitchum man."

Mitchum deodorant, the brand for dumbasses! I guess that I'm is one of dem, too!

Add your own in the comments.