Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Intro to Science - The Two Dogs Way (UPDATED!)

I think that most of the readers of this blog would say that if there is one thing that they can expect to see here, it would be my honest opinion. I certainly hope that this post doesn't disappoint because frankly, science is the topic of my greatest weakness. Facts concerning science are not stored in my watermelon-sized brain. For some reason, the rigidity of scientific experiments has never interested me enough to get on the lab-wagon, but today I will let you in on some little secrets.

The Theory of Evolution is a THEORY! The idea was originally published in 1859 in Charles Darwins' Origin of the Species. Since that time, morons the entire world over have struggled to prove his theories, alas! to no avail. One hundred forty-nine years have passed with every blithering idiot trying to prove what Darwin wrote, NEVER have they been able to do so. Don't believe me? The hint comes from the fact that for so many years, the damn thing has been called a "theory." That should be a clue, right there, but Hell naw! We have to teach our kids the insanity of the Liberal mind.

I got a better theory, sending all of your money to me will make this planet a better place to live. Until that situation occurs, we will all just have to assume that the reason the planet is not the Utopia it could be is that I do not have all of the money. It is your damn fault.

Embryonic Stem Cell research. There has NEVER been any kind of breakthrough in this area or field. Never, unless you consider the fact that every study is a failure and results in host rejection of the cells or host development of "super-tumors." Boy, let's throw some more tax money at something that causes "SUPER-TUMORS!" Holy shit, SUPER-TUMORS! In Dogsland, those are called colossal failures.

AIDS overwhelmingly occurs only in male homosexuals. (Ed note: or intravenous drug users that tend to have lax standards for sexual partners) There was a time when the blood supply in the US was contaminated with the virus and hemophiliacs and heterosexuals were affected, think Arthur Ashe or Ryan White, but finally we resolved that situation. The reason that it was actually in the blood supply is because "scientists" were trying to save the feelings of homosexuals by continually saying that it was not just a homosexual disease, EVEN though it was. Do you know that originally the disease was called "GRID" for "Gay-Related Immuno Deficiency?" Naw, you didn't know that.

Remember getting inundated with the "fact" that there was going to be a heterosexual explosion of AIDS? Orpah even said it back in the Eighties and we all know what kind of scientist Orpah is. The fact remains, that less than two percent of people affected are supposedly heterosexual. Since by my calculations, less than one percent of the population is homosexual, except in major metropolitan areas, those stats just do not add up. Before you say that homosexuals are more than one percent of the population, remember that one percent represents one in every one hundred people. Think about the folks that you know and tell me if the averages are higher. Do it, you will be surprised. That means in Jackson, MS, population 250k, there would be at least 2500 homosexuals. I don't frequent the gay bars, because as far as I know, we only have one, but that number seems off the damn chain for our area, unless you live in Belhaven. Those homos.

Still to this date, the only place where heterosexuals are contracting the illness at even a marginal rate compared to homosexuals is in Africa. But, to be fair, most of those folks won't even discuss homosexuality because the penalty of that behavior is DEATH in their countries. Most information regarding the contraction of the disease is self-reported. In other words, "Hey man, how'd you get this?" "You know, I was banging these four hot cheerleaders and a couple of days later, I kinda felt sick." Wonder why gay women are really NOT affected? Well, they cannot have anal intercourse, where blood and other bodily fluids are involved. But, this is what is known as the "Scientific Method" to liberals.

And finally, Man-made Global Warming. I cannot even begin to think about discussing this topic. Back in grade school, I remember discussing the coming ice age and the teachers were skeered, boy. You know, this great planet of ours has always been just so violitile with the unpredictable weather patterns, you know. Why I recall just last year that it snowed here in Mississippi in August. HELL NO IT DIDN'T! In my lifetime, which seems very long and it IS compared to the global warming theory, I cannot recall a single month that I went all, "Dang, it sure is a weird June. Did you ever think that it could be this damn hot?"

Global warming has been called the culprit for even the record low temperatures last year. Think about this statement, "The reason (insert place) had record low temperatures and snowfall was because of man-made global warming." That is ridiculous, huh? Here's a better one, "The reason my kids turned out to have black skin is because my wife and I are white." That statement makes the same amount of sense.

What it boils down to is this, government officials must protect their jobs and they want you to trust them. Do you?

Please take the time to comment.

UPDATE: You gotta read the comments.

*Click the image to see it big.*


Anonymous said...

Non-scientists like to think that calling a theory a theory, is somehow derogatory. They think a "theory" presupposes ignorance and is an ad hoc measure. A theory, to them, is a statement in which a scientist speaks in probabilities and self-doubts and handily admits his fallibility at every turn.

Funny thing is, this doesn't work on scientists. This is exactly what scientists believe knowledge should be. Scientists openly acknowledge that theories are guesses, however well they stand up to experiment, and tear apart any theory which pretends to be more than a guess. Hell, Richard Feynman, the patron saint of geeks, made enormous efforts to show how even the most fundamental areas of science, are temporary and completely dependent on experiment.

For a scientist, even his most cherished beliefs, even those dressed in sexy mathematics, if they disagree with experiment, are _wrong_. And since he is restricted to expressing only those beliefs which _can_ be falsified by experiment (that is the _definition_ of a theory), there is always for him the possibility that he is wrong.

Winston Churchill was once confronted at a cocktail party by a high-society woman who accused him of flip flopping. He replied, "I change my beliefs when the facts change, ma'am. What do you do?"

The word "theory" is an expression of our ignorance. It is an open admission that we do not know everything, that we are always approximating Nature's ways, and that we must be prepared for Nature to surprise us. Scientists consider this a holy thing, a compliment.

Read Richard Feynman sometime, then compare him to dogmatists of any belief. That is what separates science from voodoo.

Paul Mitchell said...

TT, I wasn't using "theory" as anything other than "theory." The fact that there are no other theories taught is a major problem. The fact that schools have been dragged into court so many times by the ACLU to fight against any other theories being taught has made those schools quit teaching anything other than the dogma of Darwinism. That is a major problem and if scientists continue to disprove the theory of evolution, at some near point in the future, Darwinism shall be laid to rest. Kinda like Piltdown man.

Anonymous said...

Ah, I see.

Consider that the mindset of a scientist, the idea that we don't know everything and anyone who assumes otherwise is a crackpot, is closely related to conservatism. There is no coincidence that the scientific method arose simultaneously with constitutional republicanism; both are dependent on the fallibility of human knowledge and the absolute necessity of admitting that a shitty idea is shitty no matter how seductive it is.

Paul Mitchell said...

Dang, you speak in tongues sometimes. The education made you really smart, huh?

You still can't disprove my theory that if I had all of the money, this world would actually be Nirvana, though. You should surely try.