Friday, October 31, 2008

The Contrarian's Guide to Wealth on a Budget

Since we all have come to realize that going along with the crowd is not always the best thing to do, I decided to bring you yet another week of wonderfully funny contrarian SEC footbaw picks. Ooooo, and this week is a doozy, folks. One that even Sylvester Croom is pumped up about. In case you didn't know, Sylvester Croom is the coach at my alma mater, the We Suck Bulldogs, and is the greatest coach in the world.

<--That is Coach Croom giving the guys some instruction on how to be be a center, which is the position he played for Buurrr Bryant at Bammer. More on Coach Awesome, HERE.

We have an absolutely full schedule this weekend with none of the teams in the Championship Conference having a BYE. There are some lesser schools playing this weekend as well. I am not sure, but I think that the PAC-10 and the Big 10 (11) are already through with their regular season, I could be wrong on that, but who cares?

Anyhoo, let's get to the picks, who ya' got?

Straight outta the gate we have the Barn (+6.5 o/u 41.5) at Klanslingville. I am pretty sure that this is the first time in a long damn time that the Senator Byrds have been favored over the Barn. Ole Miss has won one in a row, and Auburn has un-won their last three. Both teams are fo and fo, but they are both looking to get that all important Motor City Bowl bid. The White Sheets have scored more than twenty in all games except one, and the Barn couldn't score on We Suck. Gimme some of those Rebels and the over.

The Golden Hurricane at da Razorhawgs (+7 o/u 76.5). Okay, I am going to skip the obvious name calling of Tulsa, this is a family blog, but dang, that has got to be the damn gayest mascot name in the damn country. That is a WNBA name, Tulsa. And the fact that y'all are ranked is laughable. Seriously, Tulsa is about the only team in the damn country that has a schedule that rivals uSCCC in its weakness. No shit, Arkansas is Tulsa's ONLY game with an opponent that you have ever seen play footbaw. I'll just say this, Tulsa has not beaten Arkansas since the 1970's and I do not see it happening this weekend either. Take the Hogs and the under against the "top ranked" offense in the country. SEC rules.

The Hillbillies (+2 o/u 38.5) at We Suck. Oddly enough, I see this game as very evenly matched. Both teams suck even though Kentucky is 5-3 and State is 3-5. But, let's gauge this match up against Middle Tennessee State. Odds are in We Suck's favor in that instance, and that is who I shall pick with the over. It doesn't hurt that We Suck's awesomatic coach gets top billing in this week's pick post, either. Look for State to win solely based upon that fact.

Arkansas State Plumbing and Electrical Training University School (+23.5 o/u 46) at number two Bammer. Look for the Red Wolves to make this a damn tough game because a win here would get them into a tie for the Sun Belt Conference lead. Uh, that is akin to being the best operatic tenor in all of Hot Springs, Arkansas. They also SMOKED Texas Southern 83-10. Anyhoo, take Bammer and the over.

THE BEST GAME OF THE WEEKEND: The number eight Gates at the number six Dawgs of UGA (+6.5 o/u 56.5). And again Vegas has made the higher ranked UGA the dog in the contest. Trust me when I say, "Vegas prolly is better at picking these things than I am." But, they screwed up last week at LSU and I thinks that they's about to get the same this weekend. UGA is playing up to their competition and has the Heisman winner on their team in the form of a jumping running back named Sean Moreno. Add to that the fact that I cannot stand Urban Meyer and I have no idea why. UGA and the over.

The woefully inadequate Vols (+5.5 o/u 37.5) at the 'Cocks. Rocky Top lost to Auburn, is that enough reason to shun them this year? No? How about their loss to UCLA? Is that bad enough fo' yo' ass? Tennessee lost to a PAC-10 team. What about the 'Cocks whupping it out on Wofford? Look for Rocky Top to go to 1-5 in the SEC for the first time in a long time. The Swollen Purple Veinies and the over.

The Green Wave (+26.5 o/u 55) at the number nineteen Geaux Tigers. What in the Hell do you want me to say about this game? Tulane blows, just like po' people in New Orleans. LSU is not as good as we thought. LSU should be playing in the Big 12 this year, their defense is not very good. Still, Tulane lost to UTEP. Let's go with the Geaux Tigers and the over. I do not feel too strongly about that over though.

Finally the duck pick of the week. College Gameday shall be on hand to watch this one, too. Number one Texas at number seven Texas Tech (+3.5 o/u 74.5). What in the Hell does that spread and o/u tell you? These some folks that are gonna sling the baw all around the yard and never even field a defense, huh? Tee-Tee keeps getting stronger and so do the 'Horns. The 'Horns last three games were against teams ranked in the Top 11 and this one is no different. Tech has only played one ranked team and that was a falling Kansas, but they beat them like a stolen mule. Tech did have major trouble with Nebraska, too. Let's take the Hook 'Em 'Horns and the over.

Since all of my picks are based on rigid mathematical standards and backed with years and years of experience placing and accepting wagers, you should heed my picks with the utmost of respect and bet the entire farm on the exact opposite of what I pick. You will make out like Barry Obama with the finance director of his campaign.

Is it gameday yet?

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