Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I am claiming the center again!

When Roderick made that comment in the post below about my hair, I went back to look at the post that I sent him to. Below that post was this one and even though it was written back in the early, even worse posting days of this blog, way back in 1943, it is still true. Enjoy the olden times.

I Have Claimed The Center! (April 24, 2005)

Yeah, I know, y'all all thought that I was conservative, but I have decided that from now on, the Liberals will be anyone left of me and the Conservatives will be anyone right of me. I AM A MODERATE!

Here's what moderate people believe:

1. Abortion for any reason is wrong. The moderate opinion is that babies are GOOD. To KILL babies is BAD.

2. Parading your sexual preferences in any forum is wrong. I couldn't care less if you like to clean your cat yourself, moderates want you to keep it to yourself. Unless you are kissing a member of the opposite sex, no public displays of affection should be shown.

3. Our American military houses some of the greatest human beings on the face of the planet. Moderates believe that if you continue to berate our military in the Congress, in the bar, in the library, or any other place, it is okay to KICK. YOUR. ASS. NO. QUESTIONS. ASKED.

4. All opinions are welcomed. Moderates believe that the free expression of ideas is a good thing. That First Amendment and all. Throwing a pie in the face of a speaker of differing opinions than yours, will earn you a broken nose or shoulder.

5. Discrimination on the basis of race, religion, or sex earns you an ass-whupping. Moderates think that everyone was endowed with the same rights from our Creator. I really don't know how to address the transgendered folks, maybe someone could help me out there. Just please don't use the urinal next to me. I might look.

6. Men and women are different. Moderates believe that those roles should maybe hang around in the same ballpark in which they have resided for a long damn time. Stay-at-home dads are the sole exception to the rule. Yeah, I'm sure the wife is smarter than you, that actually goes without saying, but damn what a great job you have.

7. Social security is just plain stupid. Moderates believe that the Federal Government should stick with the only thing at which they are good. Providing for our country's defense. Our military should kill people and break things, not deliver food and supplies to other countries, they are not pack mules, they are warriors.

8. Your salary is earned. Moderates believe that no matter where your station in life begins, you have the ability to become the sole inventor of a cure for cancer. There are no free rides in life. You must dig in and be the best you can be.

9. You owe no one the fruits of your life. Moderates believe that your paycheck belongs to you and your family. Anyone that tries to take part of your earnings is a thief. Thieves will be shot on site. Survivors will be shot again.

10. The Federal Government should never, ever be involved in medical care of the populace. Moderates believe that the government should be in charge of one thing and one thing only. See Number 7.

11. You must earn my love and respect. Moderates believe that you can be nice to anyone, but the trust, love, respect, and admiration is earned. My values are not to be given to anyone as alms. Buckle down, you want to earn my respect.

12. If you disagree with anything posted here, you are a Liberal. Moderates agree that anyone that disagrees with anything posted here, probably voted for Kerry and he ain't no Moderate. (Ed Note: does any of this sound applicable to today?)

Oh, and since we have just elected the first Halfrican American as president, are we going to do away with Blackuary? Lord, I hope not.

Please take the time to comment.

Please remember that I am linkdumping in the link under "About Me and the Blog" labeled "Shared Reading." There's an article on there today that blatantly states, from an Imam, Omar Bakri Mohammad, at the UK Muslim Conference, that Islam is NOT a religion of peace. SHOCKER! (I know that description of the article slays every grammatical rule in the English language, and still I DO NOT CARE. I'm an LLC, if you sue me, you ain't gonna git nuttin' no way.)

There is also a link in there that allows you to convert your desktop to 360 degrees, it is friggin' awesome. You can have thirty windows open and just pan between programs. It's like having five monitors. Okay, I am a geek and getting no sex, right now.


AmusedMomma said...

What's that about nothing new under the sun?

Shocking how true it all is.... (she said sarcastically)

Paul Mitchell said...

The more things CHANGE, the more they stay the same.

AmusedMomma said...

Touche, TD! That was too funny and made me LOL!

Like trying not to look when a horrible accident has slowed the traffic, my mind has been swirling about how men could possible use the urinals pictured in your post.

But the more I think on it, the more I realize I should just leave that speculation to my imagination.

Rightwingsnarkle said...

If by 'moderate' you mean 'demented wingnut fringe,' then, yeah, I suppose you can call yourself 'moderate.'

Enjoy your wilderness years.

Paul Mitchell said...

'preciate that, Rightwingsnorkle, but I am only going until next Monday, we're setting up a few deer stands and winterizing.

Keep coming back, haven't bagged my limit of morons this year.

Two Dogs said...

'preciate that, Rightwingsnorkle, but I am only going until next Monday, we're setting up a few deer stands and winterizing.

Keep coming back, haven't bagged my limit of morons this year.