Saturday, December 03, 2005

Defining Moments of 2005

"What are the ten biggest defining occurrences of the year 2005?"

This question was asked of me by my content masters and being the willing hack that I am, I capitulate.

Or "How the MSM Screwed the Pooch".

1. Hurricane Katrina: According to all the normal news outlets, Katrina focused every bit of her wrath on the tiny hamlet of New Orleans. FEMA response was so bad that people actually had begun eating corpses two days after the hurricane. Over ten thousand people died in the Superdome alone. Babies were being raped by the thousands and it was the fault of a horse show organizer that George W. Bush installed as the head of FEMA because Michael Brown had first hand knowledge of W's cocaine usage.

2. Cindy Sheehan: After her son was drafted into the military and tried to obtain "Conscientious Objector" status, he was shipped off to Iraq to fight in a war that was illegal. Everyone knows that W just wanted to increase his friend's profits from military equipment supplier stocks. And he murdered Casey.

3. Pennsylvania Representative John Murtha: After coming out to promote Howard Dean for DNC Chairman, Murtha finishes his stellar year by prompting the 403-3 vote in the House against immediate withdrawal from Iraq. Even the scrappy Vietnam Veteran knew that W misled our country into the occupation of Iraq, but still got strongarmed into voting to continue the War.

4. The London Insurgent Bombings: Members of the "Religion of Peace" attempted to change the political climate in London by using the only method available to them. Tony Blair, Great Britain's W, did not attempt to understand the desperation that forced these attacks to happen.

5. The French Riots: In Paris, a city with very little racist roots, North Africans rioted after a blatantly racist attempt by police to arrest two youths that ultimately were electrocuted hiding in a substation. The riots were caused solely by racism and had nothing at all to do with the "Religion of Peace".

6. Senator Durbin calls US Soldiers "Nazis": After reading an FBI report, Senator Dick said that our treatment of the insurgents at Guantanamo sounded just like things that happened in Nazi Germany or Soviet gulags. His apology was completely unwarranted but he DID apologize by saying, "Some may believe that my remarks crossed the line, to them I extend my heartfelt apologies."

7. Toledo, Ohio Riots: The National Socialist Movement held a rally in Toledo and taunted Black gang members into fighting. Since there were only twenty Neo-Nazis and nearly two hundred counter-protesters, you can see why the Skinheads would start something.

8. Dan Rather retires: After reporting a "fake, but accurate" news story, Dan Rather was forced from the job he was born to do. Since W was obviously a deserter, Rather simply reported facts and was quickly smeared by Right-wing bloggers in pajamas. Most sheeple fell for the smear.

9. Meet the New Pope: Same as the old Pope. The Catholic Church continued its slide into the Fourteeth Century by electing an old, Catholic, white dude instead of a more progressive, Less-Catholic, black dude.

10. White Sox win World Series: Since it had nothing to do with talent, the Sox finally broke through the Curse of the Black Sox and finished the year as Champions. More importantly, Scott Podsednik proved that "Smallball" would beat "Moneyball" everytime. Statistics and research are no match for heart and gumption in the sports world.

In looking back at this year in review, remember that all of the events DID happen, but not necessarily HOW or WHY your media proclaims.