Friday, January 20, 2006

Cluebat Homerun Derby

Two things have happened in this past week that seriously limit my hopes for this country to continue to thrive. One of these situations was local and one was Federal. Let's break it down.

The headline of our local dog trainer Saturday, January 14, 2006 reads: Deadly Force Clears Hurdle in House. The subhead reads, "Bill targets business intruders, carjackers". For those not in the know, Jackson, Mississippi makes Compton or South Central look like Holy Rock Temple of the Mount Episcopal Church where car thefts are concerned. Hell, we rank right up there with Brazil.

Let's start with our current law. A person can LEGALLY kill someone in our great state when they are (a) resisting an attempt to commit a felony upon the person or in that person's dwelling or (b) if they believe that there is imminent danger of a felony being committed or the infliction of great personal injury upon him. Don't look at me funny right now, I might think that you intend to inflict "great personal injury". And fun ensues.

The New Bill raises two more points: (a) it expands the self-defense law to include a car or a personal business and (b) it relaxes the person's "Duty to Retreat" restrictions. DUTY TO RETREAT? You have got to be kidding me.

Okay, so I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but under the old law, if you are present in your car or place of business is there no way that you could be in imminent danger of great personal injury from a street thug? Me thinks that the State Legislators just wasted a bunch of time for nothing and the local rag proclaims this new bill to be earth shattering. I guess that poor people are going to starve to death because of this legislation. The funny thing is that 13 of our Legislators voted against the new measure. I guess that all of their constituents are in the car-jacking bidness.

Trust me, if you want my car, you best be prepared to be aerated by a Desert Eagle or a 1911 depending on what I'm wearing. It is most definitely a fashion faux pas to not have your firearm match your tie.

On to the national stage. This past week saw our Senate Judiciary Committee grilling Sam Alito. Even made his wife cry (she's a girl, you know). Now, I know nothing about what his views are, but just the fact that he is a lawyer kinda makes it hard for me to feel all mushy inside for him. We have come to the point where only a lawyer can be a Judge? I know plenty of mechanics or garbage men that would make excellent Supreme Court justices.

And why in the Hell is Teddy Kennedy still a Senator? Biden? Specter? Does living above the Mason-Dixon line have to make you a moron? Is that a new rule that I missed? Shouldn't there be some kind of test to become a Senator? We give tests to people that add refrigerant to your air conditioning and there's no test to be a lawmaker or voter. Need I go on?

These hearings were as much about confirmation of a Supreme as they were about the best place to buy peanut brittle. For you Yanks out there, peanut brittle is damn good, get some NOW!

There's been a lot of yapping about who would make a good Supreme, and the best suggestion that I have heard so far is that it should be Diana Ross. I think that she would make a wonderful nominee. Look at it, she's black, female, and was one of the original Supremes. Just saying.