Tuesday, November 27, 2007

And in a Related Story

Every single human being knows that Ole Miss fired Coach O, but did you know that USM's Jeff Bower resigned? (well, let's call it "resigned" anyway)

Let's look at ol' Jeffy's record and then make some blanket statements regarding the intelligence of the "resignation," shall we?

In the seventeen years that Bower coached the Golden Eagles, he amassed a record of 119-82-1. For you folks that live in Big 10 (11) country, that means 119 wins, 82 losses, and 1 tie. Dang, that's almost seventy (70%) percent. Not bad, but let's also take into account that USM plays in the mighty Conference USA (C-USA) which is only marginally better than the Big 10 (11). Since the exodus a few years back of Louisville, Army, the Horned Frogs, and South Florida from C-USA, the competition has diminished somewhat. Oh shit, and USM hasn't run the table. That f**king Jeff Bower, damn his eyes! (just for the record, USM would play in the Rose Bowl every year if they played in the PAC-10)

Okay, who cares? Bower has been at USM for seventeen years and has had fourteen winning seasons in a damn row and regularly goes bowling, right Collette? Do y'all realize where, how large, and what the primary focus of USM is? Are you people thinking that you have some kind of chance to be a premier college football team? You are in HATTIESBURG, MISSISSIPPI, morons! Nobody even knows where the Hell that is. Just for the record, USM is usually the THIRD choice for in-state students, right or wrong, that is just the way it is. Well, I am not talking about third in academics, who the Hell cares about that?

More useless enrollment information here: tOSU-50,995; U of Texas-50,377; Florida-47,993; Texas A&M-44,435. Our state universities are slightly smaller: Ole Miss-17,323; Miss State-16,206; USM-16,050. What does this mean? Oh, I don't know, Richard Giannini, it probably means that our state schools are not as attractive for athletes as those big schools that play ball on television all the time and have ooooo-koodles of backer money to give the players. And the cycle of money continues.

Furthermore, Giannini makes some asinine statement about attendance and other stupid things. The T-O-T-A-L number of people in Hattiesburg, where USM is, is 44,779. Add to that, the entire student body and you come up with a grand total of 60,829. Add to that the total number of your alumni. Straight outta my ass, 1,000,000. Add to that, the total population of the world, 3,000,000,000. Richard, I think that you actually need a stadium that will seat four billion people. There you go.

Sorry, I strolled off the logic reservation for a minute, let's pick that train of thought back up. If every single person at USM and every single person in Hattiesburg went to the games, you would need a stadium to seat 60,829. The current stadium seats 32,000 and an 5000 seat expansion is underway. You average less than 30,000 people a game. This, my friend is awesome! You average about fifty (50 * %) damn percent of your population locally! Are you a freaking moron? Dude, the most people you have ever had at the Rock is 36,000 and that was for the Nebraska game.

You also "resigned" your coach the exact same damn week that Coach O was terminated at Ole Miss. Let me narrow your coach search a little. Call Pete Boone at Ole Miss and find out who is NOT on their list. Then call those people, remember, you will be getting who doesn't get the Ole Miss job. SEC? Remember that conference?

UPDATE: I inadvertantly added an extra threeve to the total of Ole Miss students. And just so you know, I am NOT saying that Coach O is headed to USM. But, that would be funny.

UPDATE 2: I sent the link to this article to two friends of mine that are USM alum. Both have sent replies and I want to clear some things up. The article, you two doofuses, is about USM. Yes, Oxford and Starkville, Mississippi are even smaller towns than Hattiesburg. And as the long-haired rock-n-roller pointed out, at one time Ole Miss and State played USM and regularly got beat like rented mules. That IS why Ole Miss and State no longer play USM. Out of conference team AND a loss? Unaccceptable. So, you know without a doubt, I am on your USM side. Furthermore, my degree in architecture is from Miss State, the only NAAB accredited architecture school in the state of Mississippi. The folks that I have worked with that have graduated from USM with a degree in Architectural Technology are by far more qualified for the job right out of school than the grads from State's Architecture program. Just saying.

UPDATE 3: Yet another USM alum comments about the end of Ole Miss'eses head coach search. To this I say, who cares? Article from the four-letter HERE. Maybe now, Ole Miss will be able to sign some folks from Memphis. And Coach O was a recruiting genius? Right.