Saturday, July 18, 2009

Movies I Watched Last Night (UPDATED!!!)

Since NO ONE reads blogs on the weekends, I try to publish my most important posts on Saturday. This one is NO exception.

A few weeks/months/years ago, MUD wrote a post about seeing the movie Gran Torino. (I know that I read about this movie in one of Denny's posts and went back to try to find it,too. No luck, even after searching from January 2009 to present.) Since reading his post, I have wanted to see the movie and rented it yesterday along with a few others.

Gran Torino was a very, very good movie. One of the bizarre things that I read about in the typical movie reviews of Gran Torino was that Clint Eastwood played a bitter, old man that was the epitome of a racist. Sorry, I saw zero evidence of that and gleaned the EXACT OPPOSITE from the movie. Strange how some folks are a bunch of panty-wearing sissies that miss the overwhelmingly OVERT philosophies even when they are SPOON-FED the truth. Seriously, UP is DOWN, RIGHT is WRONG, and IDIOTIC is INTELLIGENT these days in the Orwellian United States of America. However, in Gran Torino, RIGHT is RIGHT. A must see.

Next up, Taken. Even though Liam Neesen is utterly unconvincing in the role of a badass, the movie was STILL good. Again, this movie has the underlying RIGHT is RIGHT theme and it is hammered home over and over. This one is very watchable and keeps you interested. A could stand to see.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. I have NO FRIGGIN' CLUE why I continue to rent these Underworld movies. They are friggin' terrible. WAIT! I am lying, I rent these damn suckass movies because Kate Beckinsale is FIYAH! And she wasn't even IN this damn movie except for ten WET seconds at the very end, I just assumed she was! As usual, a startling record of ZERO for THREE, this MOVIE BLEW GOATS. If you have a life length debt that is OVER about two hours, watch this movie, there is two hours wasted that you shall never get back. Kate, call me, you owe me five dollars and I want to BARTER a dealio.

(In case you are unclear of the meaning of that last line, Mr. Movie Reviewer Person, I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH KATE BECKINSALE and am willing to pay at least five dollars for that.)

Please take the time to comment.

UPDATE: Paul Blart-Mall Cop was not as bad as I anticipated. Even though I never laughed NOT ONE TIME during the movie, it was merely terrible. My apologies for assuming that it would be as bad as Queen of the Damned. Sometimes I am wrong in my assumptions.


ChristinaJade said...

I fI have her people call your people, do I get the five dollars? :)

ChristinaJade said...

TYPO!! "If I..."

I'm getting really bad about this. Musta been the five dollars. Got excited.

Andy said...

Paul, as you know, I do not watch motion they are the work of the devil who roams throughout the earth seeking whom he may devour.

But you wrote something about this Kate Bekinsale chick (I have NO idea who she is btw) that caught my interest.

You wrote that she was in this movie for "ten wet seconds." I'm confused. Which of you was wet?

ChristinaJade said...

"Some brain-damaged Barry supporter of dubious antecedence who doesn't know who their parents are and thinks Al Sharpton is a role model?"


Kudos to Skunk. :)