Thursday, March 04, 2010

A Rambling Nothing Post - Do NOT! Read This!

I have been thinking a bunch about why I write these linkfests daily and I never really have come to any conclusion. I would like to think that the ability to look back and watch things as they unfold, those things that interest me, are important to me, but half of the stuff that I post, I forget. I really have no reason other than spur of the moment, something strikes me as weird or something.

I really do not post that much about what is going on in my life, but sometimes I really need to and kinda chunk the sarcasm in that maybe masks the anger that has a tendency to roil just below the skin. Yes, daily news is infuriating. But, it solidifies my personal life's timeline and I can put things in their proper place, because if you have not noticed, I am extremely OCD about everything being in its proper place.

I take a harsh look at myself every day and I find that there are so many things that I do that would drive normal people nuts that it is unimaginable. But, those things that make others batshit crazy, usually are my security blankets. HOLY SHIT! Do NOT move that sugar jar!!!

I first started this blog to kinda have an outlet for the misery that I was dealing with after the loss of my wife. I tried to put on a happy face and link to stuff that made me laugh and kinda took my mind off of things. That helped me trudge forward. And I drank a damn bunch. Good Lord, I drank.

Then things kinda got to the point where I could breathe again without feeling the emptiness and longing inside when I was not drunk. Life moves on to a certain extent, albeit without a huge chunk of your soul. That hole gradually got refilled and I could grin and bear things without the anesthesia. Yeah, it hurt, but again, life moves on.

A long-term relationship ensued that really was not meant to be and there were many trials and tribulations during which I kinda pushed my thoughts and desires aside for what I saw in my future. Again, life kept moving, while I idled and waited.

In October 2007, I threw a temper tantrum like a seven year old, quit my job, threw my hands in the air and retreated for introspection and goal planning, maybe trying to clear the cobwebs of complacency that had been circling overhead like a vulture. Do not get me wrong, quitting that job was the right thing to do, maybe I could have handled it better, but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu........................

Dang, has it really been five years that I have been posting here?

Anyhoo, at that time, the Democrats had taken Congress and I knew my industry was doomed because they are so ultimately anti-business and anti-human, then, later, to add insult to injury, Barry Obama was elected to complete the perfect storm of the Oncoming Supergreat Depression. No, no one is going to get rich anytime soon, so again, we just wait. Good Lord, please let some intelligence return to this country and let us have a friggin' test to vote, mmmmkay?

Early last year, I reconnected with someone that I knew long ago and that connection made me realize that I was still just sitting around. Wake up, drink coffee, work a bit, read the news, drink coffee, eat, go to sleep. Mundane daily life, then brief intermittent moments of joy that would never last. I realized during this time that if you truly care for someone, their happiness is what should matter the most to you. Even if their ultimate happiness doesn't involve you. When the caring is real, your end result is not important. That's cool, the emotional attachment will always last with everyone that has touched me in my life. I hold on to those things, never to let go. Yes, I guess to a certain extent I still have something for the mother of my squid. ROT. HER. SOUL.

I actually asked this friend a series of questions that left no doubt about what my path of action needed to be, so still again, life moves on. I have learned that to dwell on painful events does no one any good. Rip the Band-Aid off and get moving.

So, here it is in a nutshell. I am sick of sitting around and waiting on things to become perfect for my plans. I am at the point where there is absolutely nothing to lose with any move that I make. Does that make me less or more dangerous?

You would think, that the way that I rant and rave, that I would be very aggressive in business, but the inverse of that is true. I rarely chase work unless it is with my actual friends that I can guilt into paying me money for doing little tasks that they could actually perform much better than I can, and for less dust.

So, we arrive at a crossroads. The Democrats have ruined the possibility of anyone making a successful effort of running a small business and the possibility of my industry returning to profitability any time soon, without doing government work, is literally zero. Yet, I am cool with it. For some unknown reason, I have never felt a single trace of panic in my life. It could be because of me being a sociopath, but probably not.

The very last thing that left me cemented in place was the boy/turd. At this point, I do believe that he has made it through the hardest part of the beginning of his life and for that I am grateful. So, I am completely unencumbered in this place. The world is my playground and I intend to get dirty on it.

Yeah, there are frightening things about just stepping out of the complacency of the known, but there is much to be said of jumping into things with both feet and trying like a dog to make circumstances work out the way that you want them.

Oh, and guess what? I am going to blog the crap out of this journey so y'all can live vicariously through my insanity. Buckle up, Gertrude, this ride might get a little wild. OR NOT.

Dammit, I hate the new preview in Blogger, I wish we had the full page back.

If you ignored the title of this post, immediately forget what you read.

Please take the time to comment.


RightGirl said...

Shit, you weren't kidding about it being a "rambling" post, were you?

Yes, blog it all! I for one want to live your life, because mine has tired me out of late.


Skunkfeathers said...

Hell, your life's more exciting than mine, 11 months of every year. ACOURSE I'll keep readin'!

'Cept in June, when I try to piss off Nature enough to piss back finally ;) Bein' perpetually single ('cuz I can't find one I want that reciprocates), I kin do dat ;)

Paul Mitchell said...

Good Lord, what part of DO NOT READ THIS did y'all not get? You rebels.

ChristinaJade said...

Dude, don't tell me to NOT do something - you know that just makes me do it. Dang. :)

Joubert said...

Well, I look forward to more of you in your posts and less plain old link dumps.

stilettoGOP said...

I read it. Loved it. I could say a bunch of mushy stuff, but, just know I enjoy THE HELL out of everything you write.

Roll on, brother.

stilettoGOP said...

I read it. Loved it. I could say a bunch of mushy stuff, but, just know I enjoy THE HELL out of everything you write.

Roll on, brother.